


Every Sinking Star

by LadyStark28



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-01-21 02:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12448209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyStark28/pseuds/LadyStark28
Summary: Will and Wesley's developing relationship, set against specific episodes (and some that I just made up).





	1. Firework

**Author's Note:**

> I originally set out to just get some Will/Wes smut out of my system, and it turned into a multi-chapter monster that still isn't finished (the smut shows up later, hence the E rating). I would greatly appreciate any comments/criticism. I don't have a beta (any volunteers?), and I know it needs work; I promise, I can take it! 
> 
> The title is inspired by the poem "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. If you haven't read it, go read "The Odyssey," then the poem. I've always drawn inspiration from it, and I hope you do, too.
> 
> I don't own any of the characters, and I'm not making any money off this work.

Wesley Crusher was a force of nature. The first time Will ever saw him, the young teenager was bouncing around Farpoint Station with the unbridled energy of a Roman candle. He shot from stall to stall in the crowded marketplace, wide eyes taking in a brand new world. Only the carefully-concealed panic in his mother’s voice when she temporarily lost sight of him drew him back to her side, and then only for mere moments before he was off again. Unlike Will, who fed off the ebb and flow of whoever was around him, Wesley seemed to draw his energy from some spinning core in his head or his heart, some insatiable craving to absorb everything there was to know about the universe. 

 

Wesley’s curiosity and wonder captivated Will, far more than his genius. Wesley was brilliant - no one denied that - but that wasn’t what made him special to Will. The  _ Enterprise’s _ first officer, who had expended his own childhood intellect in pursuit of whatever foolish stunt would drive his father the furthest up the wall, couldn’t comprehend the depth of Wesley’s thirst for learning. At fifteen, Wes wondered more about how the universe worked than Will did at thirty, and likely understood it better, too.

 

Will’s admiration for Wesley probably accounted for his tendency to indulge the young man, a habit that did not put him on the captain’s good side. The day that Dr. Crusher wheedled her and her son’s way onto the bridge, in direct opposition to Picard’s standing order, sat uneasily in Will’s mind. Picard had been furious; when Wes tapped a panel on the center seat - the  _ command chair  _ \- and answered an alert call, Will feared that young Wesley may find himself thrown out an airlock. Later, Will found himself talking Picard down as he railed against children in general and the Crushers in particular.

 

“Absolute nonsense! A starship with families...complete disaster...what captain in his right mind...I knew this was a mistake...What the hell does Beverly think she’s doing?!”

 

Will had to fight back a smile as he recalled Wesley practically vibrating with excitement as he sat in the captain’s seat. He had been trying  _ so hard  _ to stay still and not touch anything; he just  _ couldn’t help it. _ But try explaining that to the captain.

 

“Captain, I really don’t think they meant any harm…”

 

If looks were phaser fire, Will would have been dead where he stood. “ _ Didn’t mean any harm?!  _ Goddamnit, Commander! Your primary duty, on this ship, from this day forward, is to  _ keep that boy out of my hair _ .” The captain took a deep breath, visibly reigning in any further outrage over the sheer lunacy of having to tolerate children on  _ his  _ ship. “Is. That. Clear?”

 

Will decided not to point out the follicular contradiction in that order. “Crystal, sir.”

 

~

 

Will soon realized that any hope he had of taming Wesley’s intellectual vivacity, if only to keep the poor kid out of the captain’s crosshairs, was pointless. It was a lost cause; everything Wes did fascinated Will, and Wesley gravitated toward him as he recognized one of the few adults who didn’t treat him as a nuisance. Will looked forward to their chats; Wesley was so damn smart, and his excitement when he learned something new surrounded him like an aura. Nothing made Will’s day like Wes bounding over to him after a lesson with an engineer or other seasoned officer, face aglow, exclaiming, “Commander, guess what?!”

 

More than once, Will had to catch himself from overreaching his own authority, as he almost did the day Wesley asked him if he could quit school. Well, maybe not quit, exactly, but change from daily classes to entirely independent study.

 

“Please, Commander? I’ve already mastered the topics in my classes, and I learn so much more when I’m in engineering. Lt. MacDougal said he doesn’t mind, and besides,” and here Wes stared at the floor, “it’s not like the other kids would care.”

 

Will felt an odd twinge in his chest. It wasn’t sympathy; Will had been enough of a screw-up to be popular and bright enough to get by, and had always had plenty of friends. He couldn’t sympathize with Wesley simply because he had no idea what it felt like to be so far ahead of those around him, peers and adults, that literally no one was in his intellectual orbit. Wesley’s cheerful demeanor had slipped at his muttered confession, and the loneliness that Will glimpsed behind it made his heart ache. 

 

“Wes,” he began gently, and cringed inwardly at Wesley’s discouraged expression; he knew what was coming. “School’s still important, and you know you can go down to Engineering whenever you want. Well, maybe not when the captain’s there.” He finished with a lilt and a grin, desperate to get Wes smiling again.

 

Instead, Wesley looked like he was fighting back tears, and Will very nearly felt like crying himself. With a quick, sharp shake of the head, Wes muttered, “I don’t think the captain likes me. I thought he’d like it if I learned everything about the ship, but I think...I think maybe he hates me.”

 

Will leaned over the table where they were studying and took Wesley’s slim hands in his own. Wes had the most delicate hands, graceful fingers and bony wrists that looked even smaller against Will’s. Will had to stop himself from stroking the soft skin with his thumbs. He fixed Wesley’s hazel eyes with his own sharp blue gaze. “Wesley, the captain does  _ not  _ hate you. He just...you just...well, I think maybe you scare him a little.”

 

Wesley’s expressive eyebrows rose incredulously. “What are you talking about? He’s  _ Captain Picard _ ; I’m nobody. How could I scare him?”

 

Will held Wesley’s hands firmly and thanked the stars that Wes didn’t seem to mind. He wondered how personal he dared to get; he and Wes had discussed families before, and Will knew Wesley still struggled with his father’s loss. “You’re the son of his best friend,” he said quietly, “who died under his command. And he fully admits he’s not good with kids. Do you think maybe he’s afraid to disappoint your dad’s memory if he messes up with you?”

 

Any other teenager would have scoffed at that reasoning, assuming that Will was putting a false spin on a tough situation to spare everyone’s feelings. Wesley wasn’t any other teenager. His sweet, tender face looked thoughtful in a way Will seldom saw on people twice Wesley’s age, and he suddenly squeezed Will’s hands and straightened up with a determined set to his thin shoulders. 

 

“You know what? I think you’re right; I need to  _ prove  _ to him that I can do a good job. I’ll do it; I know I will.” The conviction in his tone faltered a bit as he turned his wide eyes on Will. “You’ll help me, won’t you, Commander?”

 

Will wanted to hug him, but controlled himself. He settled for mussing Wesley’s hair, which finally prompted a shy smile. Will smiled back.

 

“You know I will.”


	2. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will knows he's not the center of Wesley's life, and it only hurts a little. Really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write, although I'm not sure why. I think it's because the boys are still in the "developing relationship" phase, and I'd really like to get them to the "actual relationship" part. If anyone is interested in being a beta reader for me, please, please, please let me know in the comments.
> 
> Any comments are ALWAYS appreciated; it's the only way I know what I'm doing right and not-so-right!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek or any of the characters; if I did, Wesley would be a captain by now.

Chapter 2: Glow

 

Wesley sat in a dark corner of Main Engineering and tried to make himself invisible, but Will’s eyes kept straying toward him as the long-limbed 15-year-old leaned forward in a conspicuous attempt to listen to the adults’ conversation. Wes kept idly toeing the floor and making the stool twist from side to side as he sat, and Will’s patience with Kosinski’s arrogant lecturing ran out as he found himself wandering to Wesley’s side.

 

Wes greeted him with a brilliant smile that made his pale cheeks stand out. Will fought the urge to reach out and pinch them. Instead, he grinned back and nudged the slight teen with his knee. “You make a terrible spy,” he informed his young friend. “Quit fidgeting before the captain notices.”

 

Wesley looked at him in alarm. “I...I’m sorry, Commander. I just wanted to hear…” He gestured toward the pool table-shaped console where the Captain was looking more and more annoyed with Kosinski’s obvious nonsense.

 

Will laughed quietly. “You’re not missing anything. That guy’s a joke.” Will was aware he was being unprofessional, that the last thing he should be doing was disparaging a fellow officer in front of a civilian, but he also knew Wesley was way too smart to be fooled by The Kosinski Show.

 

As if reading his thoughts, Wes shook his head, making his auburn hair fall into his eyes before he quickly pushed it back. “No, not Kosinski,” he said irritably. “I want to hear _him._ ” He inclined his head to indicate the space behind and slightly to the left of the small cluster of staff, where Kosinski’s assistant sat serenely at a console. Will had no idea what species the assistant was, but his generally peaceful, unbothered demeanor reminded the commander of a recording he’d once seen of a Tibetan monk. Wesley was gazing at the assistant with a small smile on his heart-shaped face, and Will felt an odd pang somewhere in his chest. He had a sudden foolish, panicked thought that this alien would take Wesley away from him, and Will wanted to pull Wesley to him, to keep him close and safe.

 

Will quickly swallowed his dismayed thoughts before they could reach his face. He needed to do something to refocus Wesley’s attention, anything to get that adoring look off his face as he stared at the mysterious assistant.

 

Tilting his head back toward Kosinski, Will inquired, “Did you get a look at those equations of his?”

 

After too long of a moment, Wes finally tore his eyes away from the assistant. “Yeah. I peeked at them while the captain was showing Kosinski the warp core.”

 

“And?”

 

Wesley looked up at Will, hazel eyes sparkling. Will knew it made him happy to be included, to be asked his opinion, especially on technical subjects. And if it made Wesley happy, Will would ask him questions about warp theory until his breath ran out. On the other hand, Wesley’s natural kindness often caused him to hesitate; he never wanted to speak badly of anyone, especially a superior. He was clearly stalling now, wracking his genius brain to think of a nice way to indicate that Kosinski was a moron.

 

“Wes,” he prompted, “I want your honest opinion. As a fellow officer.”

 

That made Wesley stop dithering and sit up as straight as a beanpole. “The equations won’t work. I mean, they might do _something,_ but not what Kosinski says they can do.”

 

Will gave him an encouraging nod. “Do you think it’s safe to give him engine control?”

 

Wesley frowned, and started stammering, dodging a direct response that might seem disrespectful. “Well, there’s only a small chance the equations will have an effect..the probability they’ll do any harm is…”

 

“Wesley,” Will cut in, “there are a thousand people on this ship, including your own mother. In your opinion, is it safe or not?” The words were barely out of his mouth before Will wished desperately that he could swallow them back. _Goddamn it,_ he chastised himself. _This isn’t his job; it isn’t his responsibility. He’s_ fifteen, _for fuck’s sake._

 

Instead of the chagrined expression Will feared, Wesley’s sweet face suddenly hardened. It looked odd on him, wrong, like a mask that didn’t fit. Will wondered briefly if this was how Wes had looked when Picard told him his father was dead. Wesley’s hands gripped the sides of the stool, and when Will blinked again, Wes was standing an inch away from him. He barely came up to the top of Will’s shoulder, but his head was tilted up and his wide eyes drilled into Will’s face. Will could read an undercurrent of anger in that beautiful, intense gaze, but Will knew Wes, and he knew that anger was turned inward at himself, believing he should have the right answer to everything.

 

Still staring at Will, Wesley’s voice was a layer of soft, bright snow over solid ice. “I wouldn’t let him anywhere near the engines.”

 

Will wanted to put his arms around Wesley, to hold him and tell him he was sorry, that Wes didn’t need to worry, that Will would take care of him everyone he loved. Just in time, he remembered they were in Main Engineering with half the bridge staff and two guests several feet away, and contented himself with a soft pat to Wesley’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you, Wes.” When Wes didn’t respond, he added gently, “You can always be bluntly honest with me. I won’t be offended. And I really do value your opinion.”

 

After what seemed like a painful eternity, Wesley’s expression softened and fell back into that familiar cherubic demeanor. He slowly lowered himself back on the stool, and Will regretfully slipped his hand off Wes’ shoulder. He couldn’t hold back one last reassurance, despite being fairly confident of the answer. “We’re ok, right?”

 

Wes flashed him a lightning-bright grin. “Yeah, Commander, we’re always ok.” Of course they were. Wesley Crusher didn’t hold grudges. Will added it to the already-lengthy list of Wesley’s qualities that he loved.

 

Perched back on his stool, Wesley’s eyes started straying back toward the assistant, and Will felt the panic rising up again. He barely managed to shut his mouth to keep from barking _Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!_ Instead, he subtly shifted so he was blocking Wesley’s sight line. When Wes looked up at him curiously, Will mentally kicked himself - _real smooth, Riker._ He crouched down so he was at Wesley’s eye level, and reached a large hand out to pat the young man’s knee.

 

Gazing over Will’s shoulder, Wes watched the assistant. “I wonder what he’s thinking about,” he mused. “He seems like, well, like his mind’s light-years away from here.” Wesley paused, and his sweet face looked wistful. “I wish I could see what he’s seen.”

 

Will swallowed hard, and with an astounding amount of self-discipline was able to put Wesley’s dreams above his own desires. “Maybe someday you will.”

 

A slow, beatific smile lit Wesley’s face, and Will was just selfish enough to pretend it was for him.


	3. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's first command experience doesn't work out the way Will expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from the Season 2 episode "Pen Pals," where Wesley runs the geological survey. I always liked this episode because it showed some surprisingly good character development for our favorite ensign. In the episode, Wesley and Will have some really good, mature conversations that really dispelled (for me) the whole "arrogant genius" stereotype.
> 
> As always, comments are encouraged and welcomed - good or bad!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but the way Disney's going, they probably will soon.

Chapter 3: Spark

 

Wesley never did anything by half measures. Because his brain worked at light speed, those around him often assumed he took shortcuts, when in fact he had already thought through a thousand possibilities and chosen the correct one. So when Will decided to make him responsible for the mineral survey of Drema 4, he was confident that Wes would do a great job. What he didn’t count on was Wesley running himself ragged with endless worry over it, which bothered Will more with every frantic question Wesley asked him about handling his team. As usual, though, Wes handled the responsibility beautifully, and helped save a little alien girl’s life as the cherry on top.

 

Mission accomplished, Will wandered into Ten Forward for a relaxing drink. His ice-blue eyes immediately found Wesley, sitting in a corner by himself and looking more serious than he should have after a job well done. He glanced up and caught Will’s gaze, and Will was troubled when he didn’t get the brilliant smile he was expecting. Frowning into his bourbon, he made his way over to Wes’ table. The young ensign’s eyes narrowed slightly as he watched Will effortlessly spin a chair around and mount it backwards, arms folded over the back.

 

“Why do you always sit that way?” Wesley’s annoyed tone took Will aback, while a smallish part of him was inordinately pleased that Wes took notice of his seating habits. 

 

If it had been anyone else, Will’s reply would have been much more biting. But it was Wesley,  with his sweet face and wide-eyed enthusiasm, and Will couldn’t fathom hurting him. He went with self-deprecation instead.

 

“I’m old and decrepit; my back can’t handle regular chairs.”

 

Will desperately wanted a smile from him, but he settled for the tiny smirk Wes gave him before he responded in a gentler tone, “You’re not that old. You’re only a few years older than me.”

 

Will laughed, and Wesley’s face relaxed into something closer to his usual optimism. It made Will cheerful enough to tap Wes softly under the chin. “With that baby face, you make me look older than the captain.”

 

Wesley stayed silent, regarding Will with growing intensity, and Will suddenly felt unsettled. Wesley wasn’t a typical moody teenager, and his whiplash temper in just the few moments Will had been with him at the table were worrisome. Quicker than it descended, Wesley seemed to fold away the gravity in his eyes - and dammit, why wouldn’t Wesley’s eyes just stay one color? - today they were the exact arctic hue of a storm-tossed Alaskan beach - and he finally gave Will an approximation of a real smile. He sat up a little straighter and leaned slightly over the table while Will privately enjoyed their closeness. 

 

“Did I do an adult enough job today?” The question could have been sarcastic, but wasn’t. Wesley genuinely wanted an answer, slight trepidation sharpening the sweetness in his face.

 

Will smiled warmly at him, letting his pride seep from every pore. “You were fantastic today. How’d it feel to command an entire team?”

 

Wesley hesitated, and Will started worrying again. What was going on? He had given Wes an assignment, Wes had completed it successfully, everyone was happy. What the hell was the problem?

 

“Wes?” he prompted. “What’s the matter?” Will reached across the table and covered Wesley’s folded hands with his large one. 

Wesley looked him in the eye before responding so quietly that Will had to lean in even closer to hear him (not that he was complaining). “I didn’t...I didn’t like it. I don’t like having to tell people what to do.”

 

Will made the obvious assumption, and turned out to be wrong. “Because you’re younger than them?”

 

Wesley let out an irritated breath and Will felt his clasped hands tighten under Will’s touch. “ _ No,  _ that had  _ nothing  _ to do with it. I know I’m only sixteen, but I already have a lot of adult responsibilities. I just hate the idea that I’m only in charge because someone in authority says I am. Everyone on that team was an expert in a specific geological field, and I’m not, so what right do I have to tell them how to do their job?”

 

Will sighed. “Wes, being in command doesn’t mean you’re an expert in  _ everything _ . It means you guide your people to do the best job that they can in their own field.”

 

Instead of soothing him, Wesley seemed to only get more agitated. “But I had the final say on everything! Why should I have the authority to guide anyone when I don’t know as much as they do?” He paused and took a breath, flattening his fists on the table with Will’s hands still covering them. Looking out toward the star field, he muttered, “And they’re not  _ my  _ people. People can’t belong to someone else.”

 

_ I belong to you _ . The thought burst into Will’s mind with the force of a supernova. He had the sense that he should shove the feeling away, but the pure truth of it had already sparked in his being and started, very slowly, to kindle. Will forced his breath and pulse to stay steady; he needed Wesley to focus on their conversation and not on Will trying to memorize the curve of his mouth. Keeping his eyes on their clasped hands, Will pointed out to him, “You know, Wes, my entire job is pretty much to give orders to people who know more than I do.”

 

Wesley glanced at him, then back out the window where some harmless meteors floated by, appearing much closer than they actually were. “I know that,” he said in a more kindly tone. “But you’re great at it because you do know a lot about different fields, and you always ask questions when you don’t. You always ask me what I think, and I’m not an expert in anything.” He paused and turned his head, looking Will pointedly in the eye. “You don’t know how much I appreciate it when you do that, Commander. I...I really like explaining something I know so much better than ordering people around.”

 

Will’s heart constricted and he couldn’t hold back a wide smile at Wesley’s praise. He knew Wes wasn’t just kissing his ass, as some junior officers tried to do. The declaration was matter-of-fact, simply meant as a comparison between Will’s career path and Wesley’s personal preference. At his smile, Wes shyly smiled back, glancing down at the table where Will had unconsciously started stroking the back of Wesley’s hands. 

 

Will was relieved to see Wesley’s sweet face finally relax a bit, but he knew he couldn’t leave well enough alone. “Is that what you want to do in the Fleet, Wes? Because there’s always room for experts in every field you can imagine…” Will trailed off as Wesley’s gaze slowly returned out the window, and Will felt again that panic that he was losing him. He moved a hand up to gently tap the young ensign’s cheek, inwardly marveling at how soft his skin felt. When Wesley’s eyes found his again, Will saw that faraway, wondering look that he was starting to dread. 

 

From somewhere in his brilliant mind, Wesley pulled a tender smile for Will, before responding distractedly, “Right...the Fleet.”

 

Wesley was smiling again, and his hazel eyes were shining green and gray, and Will was discovering depths of emotion for him that he hadn’t known were possible, and all of that should have sent the older man into elated orbit. But it was also new, and still budding, and Will was fully aware that just because he belonged to Wesley, did not mean for an instant that Wes belonged to him.

 


	4. Ember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's struggling to figure out what he wants in life, and Will's afraid that might take Wes away from him someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me a bit; it was really easy to start and really difficult to finish. I think I got caught up in description and kind of forgot to move things along. As always, I really appreciate any comments; constructive feedback is the only way I know what I need to improve!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek. If I did, CBS would put Star Trek: Discovery on its regular network, instead of being greedy and making people pay for it.

Chapter 4: Ember

 

The holodeck doors opened onto a green hill covered in clipped grass and dotted with dandelions. A small playground sat empty to Will’s left; the ride-on starships and brightly-colored slides looked weathered but still sturdy. It appeared to be a beautiful late-spring day, and Will gazed in appreciation at the deep blue, cloudless sky. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of clean air and fresh mulch, knowing it was an illusion but thinking that the holodeck did a damn good job. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a harsh noise shattered the stillness.

 

_ WHOOSH-CRACK! _

 

_ WHOOSH-CRACK! _

 

_ What the hell was that?  _ Will thought, and headed toward the slope of the hill where he could see the top of a stone staircase leading to the bottom. He negotiated the half-crumbled stairs to the bottom, where a short, tree-lined path led out onto a small baseball diamond. A pitcher stood on the mound, wearing a white baseball uniform with red piping. A navy blue hat rested on the man’s head, featuring a red “B” embroidered prominently in the center. Inky black curls hung limply down the man’s shoulders as he straightened, wound up, and released the ball in a fluid blur of motion. Will’s eyes followed the arc all the way to the catcher’s mitt, as Wesley Crusher swung and missed.

 

“Fuck!”

 

Will gasped in mock horror. “Ensign Crusher! Such unofficer-like language!”

 

Wesley glared as menacingly as his cherubic face would allow. “You startled me. You shouldn’t go sneaking up on people like that.”

 

Will gave a maddening smirk. “You should keep your eye on the ball.”

 

That earned him another dirty look, but despite the apparent threat of bodily harm, Will let his long legs carry him swiftly to the young batter. “I’m sorry,” he said, standing in front of Wesley with his hands out in what he hoped was a conciliatory gesture. “I heard you hit a few before I got to the field.” Wesley looked down bashfully, and Will smiled to see him struggling to stay mad. He gestured toward the pitcher’s mound. “Anyone I know?”

 

“Pedro Martinez. Played for Boston at the turn of the 21st century. He helped them win the World Series after an 86-year drought.”

 

Will whistled. “He must have been pretty good. I’m impressed you can get anything off him.”

 

Wesley sighed and kicked a pebble away from the plate. “I programmed him to go easy on me.  _ Really  _ easy.”

 

“Well, let’s see.” Will nodded toward the wooden bat in Wesley’s hands. It looked too big and heavy for someone so slight, although Will had a feeling he was underestimating his young ensign. Wes followed his gaze, and his hazel eyes narrowed.

 

“Fine. But stand out of the way.”

 

Will moved obediently behind Wes and to the side a bit, while Wesley took a left-handed batter’s stance. The Sox pitcher wound up and threw another rocket, but this time Will only had eyes for Wesley. In one fluid motion, Wesley’s arms brought the bat from around his left shoulder up to his right in a graceful, perfect arc. Somewhere in that millisecond, Will recognized the sharp WHOOSH-CRACK that had led him down here in the first place. He watched breathlessly as Wesley’s face lit up in delight, and remembered to turn his head just in time to watch the ball disappear over the fence. 

 

Wesley flashed a triumphant grin in Will’s direction, then held out the bat. “Wanna try?”

 

Will shrugged indifferently. “Sure.” He neglected to mention that he hadn’t swung a bat since well before he was Wesley’s age, preferring faster, rougher sports to the relative docility of baseball. He counted on his greater size, strength and general athleticism to cover for his lack of skill, although he again had a niggling sense he was misjudging things.  _ Stupid,  _ he scolded himself.  _ Surely I can fake my way through out-hitting a brainy 17-year-old. _

 

Taking the bat, he moved to the right-handed side of the plate as Wesley got out of the way. The bat felt awkward in his hands, and his neck and shoulders seemed to protest the unfamiliar position. The simulated pitcher eyed him, wound up, and launched a pitch toward the plate. Will brought the bat around, well aware the movement wasn’t nearly as graceful as when Wes did it, and promptly heard the ball whizz past the plate and hit the metal fence behind him.

 

Wesley erupted in laughter, which Will felt was very unsportsmanlike of him. He glared indignantly at his ensign. 

 

“You know, you shouldn’t laugh at your superiors.”

 

Wesley stopped to catch his breath and threw Will a wicked grin. “And you should keep your eye on the ball.”

 

Instead of the annoyance Will knew he should be feeling, a warm glow stole its way into his consciousness. He realized how desperately he wanted to keep Wesley laughing, to keep that joyous, carefree look on the young man’s face just so Will could gaze at it. Wes was usually good-tempered and had always had a quick smile, especially when he was praised (particularly by Will), but he was rarely that unrestrainedly  _ playful  _ anymore. Will had noticed him settling more often into bouts of serious contemplation, and more than once had caught him in Ten Forward by himself, gazing out at the stars with a forgotten drink in front of him. 

 

At this moment, however, he realized that Wes was staring at him with a curious, slightly worried expression. “Are you ok, Commander?”

 

Will cleared his throat and tried to gruffly joke the moment away. “Yeah, just trying to mask my utter humiliation.” Wesley frowned, and Will couldn’t take it. “I’m kidding,” he said more gently. “Will you show me how to hold the bat? I know I wasn’t doing it right.”

 

Wes’ smile returned, and Will felt pleasantly lost. “Sure, Commander.” Wes approached him and gestured to the plate. “Stand how you were before. It really wasn’t that far off.”

 

“Ok.” Will moved to his previous stance. “And Wes, I’ve told you before, you can call me Will when we’re off duty. I think you’re old enough, don’t you?”

 

Wesley didn’t look at him, but instead put his hands on Will’s arms and started nudging them into the right place. Will forced his body to behave as Wes’ hands carefully maneuvered him into position. “Yeah, ok...Will.” 

 

Hearing his name in Wesley’s mouth made Will’s insides fizz and pop like a champagne glass being filled. He wanted to hear it again, and he wanted to tell Wesley how much he loved him, because there was no question that’s what this was, and  _ get a grip Will… _

 

“...your grip, Will. Will?”

 

Will’s eyes suddenly refocused, and he felt an embarrassed blush creeping its way beneath his beard. “Uh, yeah, sorry. What?”

 

Wesley looked like he wanted to say something to tease him, but held back. “I was saying, watch your grip. If you hold on too tightly your wrists won’t bend when you bring the bat around.”

 

Will loosened his hold on the bat slightly. Wesley nodded in approval. “Ok, so keep your eye on the ball, and start your swing just before it reaches the plate. Got it?”

 

Will nodded back and watched Wes as he moved out of the way. He nodded again at the Boston pitcher, who promptly wound up and fired. With some effort, Will concentrated on the ball, and managed to swing at just the right moment. He hit the ball with a satisfying  _ crack _ and watched it drive along the third base line. Not a home run, but still respectable.

 

Wesley’s smile made his eyes crinkle and his cheeks round into plump apples. “See? Not so bad, huh?”

 

Will grimaced as he adjusted his hands on the bat. “I don’t know, Wes. The wood’s pretty rough on my hands. Don’t professional players wear gloves?” Just from that one swing, his hands felt scraped and tender. He watched suspiciously as Wesley suddenly tried to hide his own hands behind his back.

 

Dropping the bat, Will reached around and gripped Wesley’s wrists, turning his hands up in front of him. “Wes, your palms are a mess. They look really painful. How long have you been in here? And why weren’t you wearing gloves?”

 

Wesley pulled his hands away, clenched them into fists and hid them behind his back again. “It’s fine, Will. I’ll just have my mo- Dr. Pulaski fix it,” he said tightly, refusing to meet Will’s eyes.

 

Will took a step forward and reached behind Wesley to grasp his hands again. Wesley didn’t fight him, but he still wouldn’t look at Will. Instead, he stared down at his own hands cradled in Will’s larger ones.

 

“Wes,” Will said gently. “What’s eating you lately? You’re not..” Will was going to say  _ as happy as usual  _ but decided that wasn’t fair. “You’re not yourself. What’s going on?”

 

Wesley shrugged, his eyes still on their joined hands. “I don’t know. I’m just tired, I think.”

 

Will eyed him sharply and gave a curt nod. “Ah. You’re working too much. Well, that’s an easy fix. I can reduce your shift schedule so that…”

 

“ _ No,”  _ Wesley snapped, in that tone that told Will he  _ just didn’t get it. _ “I  _ like  _ working; it’s just that lately, I feel confused about what I’m working towards. I like engineering, and I love flying the ship, but I love lots of other things too. And I...I’m just trying to do what everyone wants me to do.” 

 

Will still didn’t quite get what the problem was, but he knew he had to get rid of the anguished look clouding Wesley’s young face. “Wes, you do an amazing job with whatever you’re doing. I know you always give it your all. Why is that a bad thing?”

 

Wesley finally looked up at Will with a storm in his eyes. “Because I don’t know if it’s what  _ I  _ want or what everyone else wants of me. And even worse, I can’t tell the difference anymore.” He swallowed hard and stared at a spot over Will’s shoulder toward the outfield. “I don’t think what I want is inside a ship.”

 

_ But I’m inside the ship,  _ Will thought.  _ I’d do anything for you; why isn’t that enough?  _ It seemed like sacrilege to ask, and Will wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Wesley gazed at the universe with the wide-eyed devotion of an apostle, and it frightened Will to think of losing Wesley to whatever was out there. Wesley was only on this simulated field smashing home runs because he couldn’t be out exploring the outer limits of the universe; not yet. Knowing the endless possibilities of space and not being able to reach them left Wesley in a maddening limbo, and he wasn’t hiding his frustration as well as he used to. 

 

For lack of a more helpful idea, Will brushed his fingers lightly over Wesley’s scraped palms. “Let’s head to Sickbay and get your hands fixed,” he said, giving Wes a tender smile. “Then we can tackle the harder stuff, ok?”

 

Will watched with relief as the storm slowly cleared from Wesley’s hazel eyes, leaving them a mossy green. The young ensign gave a rueful shrug, and Will caught the start of a smile in the upward curve of his full lips. He let Will wrap an arm around his slim shoulders and lead him out of the Holodeck.

 

With every fiber in his heart, Will wanted to make it better, more tolerable, in whatever humble way he could. He wanted to ground Wesley to him, touch and hold and comfort him and, most of all, be the reason Wesley smiled.


	5. Flare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will finds more reasons to be in love with Wes (as if he needed them).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is from the episode where Kyle Riker visits, and the B plot is Wesley cheering up Worf with a party, which has got to be the cutest idea ever. Whatever else people say about the character, Wes was consistently thoughtful and kind to others.
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated, even critical ones (especially critical ones!). I need to know what I'm doing well and not-so-well, and it's also nice to know someone's actually reading this thing. Thank you!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but I do think Chris Pine is a perfect Kirk re-boot. So there.

Chapter 5: Flare

 

“Wesley did  _ what? _ ” 

 

Geordi laughed at the amused disbelief on Will’s face and took a sip from his drink before answering. 

 

“He planned a party for Worf. For his ascension anniversary, or something.”

 

Will blinked a few times at his Chief Engineer. “A party?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“For...for  _ Worf? _ ”

 

Geordi laughed again. “Yup.” Misreading the confused look on Will’s face, he added, “I’m sure he wanted to invite you, but he knew you were busy with, you know, your...dad thing.”

 

Will grimaced inwardly. Wesley had held a party to cheer up the only gruff, cranky Klingon on the ship, an act both adorable and hilarious, and Will had missed it because he had been wasting time dealing with his asshole father. He downed his synthesized beer and stood up, towering over Geordi, who looked up at him in surprise.

 

“Where are you off to?”

 

“I have to do something,” Will mumbled, and promptly left Ten-Forward.

 

~

 

He was halfway to the nearest turbolift when he realized he had no idea where he was going. He practically skidded to a stop in front of an access panel and tapped the softly glowing screen. “Computer, locate Ensign Crusher.”

 

_ “Ensign Crusher is in Physics Lab 3.”  _

 

Will sighed and headed for the lab. He knew Wes had worked a bridge shift earlier, and he was still trying to convince himself that the young ensign’s sudden moodiness was due to work exhaustion and not an early-onset existential crisis. His heart skipped a beat when he reached the transparent door and saw that Wes was alone. He stood over a neutrinoscope, alternately looking in the eyepiece and making notations on a PADD. Will felt himself falling into the familiar adoring haze that always overtook him when watching Wesley. Wes was intensely focused on his work, his slim hands confidently manipulating the equipment, a tiny furrow wrinkling his brow. Will stared for a moment more before stepping into the lab, the pneumatic sigh of the door causing Wes to look up at him and smile.

 

Since they were alone, Wesley greeted him informally. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Will strode to Wesley’s side, barely glancing at the pile of scientific instruments laid out on the workstation. Feeling bold, Will placed a hand on the small of Wesley’s back. Will felt a small thrill go through him when Wes leaned into him slightly, his hazel eyes fixed on Will’s face. He had to restart his brain before he could carry on what he hoped passed for a normal conversation. “You had the early shift today. Why aren’t you off doing something fun?”

 

Wesley shrugged. “I had school work to do, and the lab was free. Seemed like a good time.”

 

Will raised an eyebrow at him. “Wes, you deserve a break. Besides, I heard you did a good deed.”

 

Wesley’s sweet face looked confused, not a normal expression for a prodigy. “Good deed?”

 

Will decided a bit of teasing was in order. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from Wesley’s back so he could cross his arms over his broad chest. He fixed his face in his best Stern First Officer look. 

 

“Ensign Crusher, did you or did you not host a celebration for Lt. Worf yesterday?”

 

Realization dawning, Wes huffed dismissively. “Oh, that. It wasn’t a big deal.” He looked at Will a bit sheepishly. “And I’m sorry I didn’t invite you. I figured you were busy with, you know…”

 

Will had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. Did every crew member on the damn ship know his father was an emotionally unavailable jackass? He dropped his arms to his sides and adopted a gentler tone. “Not a big deal? Wes, you went out of your way to cheer up a crewmate who was having a hard time. It was a huge deal. Especially considering it was  _ Worf _ , for chrissakes.”

 

Wesley shrugged, and Will noted to himself that Wes looked taller, his slim form a bit more solid. He fiddled idly with the dials of the neutrinoscope, and Will let himself wonder what those hands would feel like running along his shoulders and through his hair. Still looking toward the desk, Wes said simply, “It’s not a big deal to be kind to someone.”

 

Will’s mouth twisted into an amazed smirk and he shook his head. He wanted to ask  _ How is the whole universe not in love with you?  _ but settled for, “Well, it really cheered him up. You know, cheerful for Worf.”

 

Wes contemplated Will for a moment, and Will had the surprisingly pleasant sense he was being mentally undressed, his rusty emotional armor stripped away. No, not stripped; Wesley’s hazel eyes seemed to move past Will’s defenses effortlessly, not as if the barriers weren’t there, but as if Wes walked right through them. When he finally spoke up, his voice carried a slightly rich, mature timbre that Will hadn’t noticed before.

 

“Seems like you could have used some cheering up, too.” The words and tone were warm and  innocent and sincere, as only Wesley could make them. And then Wes surprised Will by moving in and wrapping his arms around Will’s waist, the top of his head just brushing Will’s bearded chin. “I’m sorry your dad’s such a jerk, Will,” he said quietly. “He should be lucky to have someone like you for a son.”

 

Will automatically brought his own arms around Wesley’s shoulders, trying not to hold on as tightly as he desperately wanted. He ducked his head so he could brush his nose against Wesley’s auburn hair, breathing in the scent of fruit and vanilla. _Pie_ _and cake,_ he thought, suppressing a hungry moan. _He smells like fucking dessert, and I want to eat him._

 

He realized he had brought one of his hands to the nape of Wesley’s neck, and was unconsciously stroking the smooth, soft hair. Wes’ eyes were closed and a low hum vibrated from his throat; he showed no intention of letting go. 

 

Will finally swallowed hard and cupped Wesley’s lovely face in his large hands. “Thank you, Wes. That..means a lot to me.”

 

Wesley’s eyelashes fluttered, and for a frozen moment Will thought  _ now, do it now, we both want this, he’s of age and I belong to him anyway  _ and then Will’s combadge chirped.

 

_ “Picard to Commander Riker.” _

 

Will closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, very regretfully dropping his hands from Wesley’s soft cheeks. Wes suddenly seemed very interested in the neutrinoscope, and Will could have sworn he saw disappointment in the young man’s eyes.

 

He activated his badge with an annoyed jab. “Riker here.”

 

_ “We’re approaching the asteroid belt. I believe you had expressed an interest in viewing it.” _

 

Wesley’s head shot up and a silent plea beamed from his eyes. Will smiled fondly at him. “Thank you, Captain. I’m on my way.”

 

Will had barely finished his answer when Wes was on him. “Can I  _ please _ go with you, Will? That’s no ordinary belt - it’s caught almost exactly between two planets, so the opposing gravitational pulls make it form an infinity symbol - I could view it from Ten-Forward but it’s better from the bridge…”

 

Will laughed and patted Wes softly on the back, determinedly ignoring the spark that flared between them. “Come on, then.” He fixed Wesley with a fake-stern look. “But no working. You just stand in the back and enjoy the show.”


	6. Pyre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a crisis, Will can be counted on to throw a match on the pile, then pour gasoline over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I feel like things pick up a little with this chapter, relationship-wise. I've realized that the story is mostly from Will's point of view, which is strange because I always identified with Wes growing up. Anyway, I'm hoping to try getting Wesley's voice in there a bit more. Oh, and the E rating isn't for nothing; I promise there's smut on the way. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please, please, please comment; even criticism can be constructive!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek; if I did, I'd be writing this from my gold-plated yacht, the S.S. Roddenberry.

Chapter 6: Pyre

 

As soon as Will glimpsed Wesley’s devastated face as the 17-year-old rushed from the captain’s ready room, he knew it was his job to make things all right again. When the captain was taken as well as the doctor, Will’s rage bubbled up, not for himself, but for Wes. So he followed Wesley into an empty storage room where he had gone to hide the tears cascading down his soft cheeks, and swore to him that he would get his mother and the captain back, even if he had to fight an entire den of kidnappers. Maybe because he was scared, or maybe because they were alone, Wesley threw his arms around Will and buried his face against his broad chest. 

 

“Please, Will. Please let me go with you. I can save them - I  _ need  _ to!” he begged, clutching the front of Will’s uniform.

 

Will always hesitated to exert his official command authority over Wesley (usually prompting disapproving glares from Worf), but he wasn’t budging on this. Wes would not step one boot on that planet as long as Will was First Officer. Will gently covered Wesley’s slim hands with his own larger ones. “No, Wes. It’s not safe. I don’t want you anywhere near there.”

 

Wesley’s Cupid’s-bow lips tightened into a furious scowl, his eyes a stormy grey-green shimmer of misery. “I reverse-engineered their transport device - I need to be there when you use it! What if something goes wrong? What if it malfunctions, what if... _ what if you’re too late? _ ”

 

The agony in Wesley’s voice, layered over too much pressure and the experience of already having done this with a parent, almost broke Will’s resolve. His mind flashed to a retold memory from Dr. Crusher, of 5-year-old Wesley remaining stoic through The Talk with the captain, and sitting stiff and straight-backed through his father’s wake and funeral with the attendant Fleet pageantry. How he nodded gravely as Commander Keel knelt in front of him and told him he was the man of the house now, and how Beverly could have killed Walker for putting that on his baby shoulders. Later, when they were alone, Wesley told him how he had made sure to only cry when he knew his mother wasn’t around, because he didn’t think it was something she should hear.

 

Now, his mother and the captain missing, Wesley’s eyes flashed with uncharacteristic anger, closer to the surface than Will had thought possible for his gentle, tender genius. It threatened to erupt, spill from every crevice and swallow up his fear. “She’s  _ my  _ mother! She’s  _ my  _ responsibility!” 

 

His fists shook in Will’s grasp, and Will would have gladly let Wes pummel him if he thought it would do any good. But it wouldn’t help, wouldn’t get his mother or the captain back and would only make Wes feel worse. Will was tired of what felt, to him, like an unnecessary chasm between them, so he took a breath and stepped neatly over it. He was a betting man, after all, and they’d been dancing toward this anyway. Holding Wesley’s wrists together with one hand, Will cupped the other under his chin and gently turned his tear-stained face upward. 

 

“I promise I will get them back, Wes,” he murmured, his lips skimming Wesley’s brow. His mouth moved lower to kiss the tears from Wesley’s cheeks, as Wes tightened his grip on the front of Will’s uniform. In the space of a breath, Wesley tilted his head and pressed his lips to Will’s. 

 

In that instant, Will’s heart filled with aching and longing and  _ relief _ , and he let go of Wesley’s hands so he could wrap his own arms around the boy he had loved since they met. Wesley kissed Will with a force and fervor that affirmed Will’s bet, his angel’s lips tasting and tugging every secret corner of Will’s mouth. When they finally broke apart, Will looked into Wesley’s bright, burning eyes and saw himself reflected there.

 

“I’m not sorry,” Wesley blurted out, and Will grinned ruefully at his unfettered honesty.

 

“Neither am I.”

 

“I want…” Here Wes paused, suddenly seeming uncertain. Will brought his hands up to once again cradle Wesley’s face, wiping away the remains of tears with his thumbs.

 

“You,” Will whispered, and when Wes gave him a quizzical look, he clarified, “I want you.”

 

Wesley’s eyes shone with wonder and hope, and Will thought no star in space had ever been so beautiful. “I want you,” Wesley echoed, before anxiety again clouded his innocent face. 

 

Will spoke as quickly as he could, trying desperately to banish that pain from Wesley’s mind. “I’m going to get your mother and the captain. I promise I’ll bring them back, and then…” Wesley’s eyes bored into Will, one hand on his shoulder and the other over his heart. “And then I’ll come back to you,” he finished earnestly. 

 

Wesley stood on tiptoe to press his lips again to Will’s mouth. “Thank you,” he breathed into the kiss. “Be careful,” he added. “I need you...to come back.” He rested his head again on Will’s chest, murmuring into his uniform tunic, “I need you.”

 

He believed it when he said it, because Wesley never said anything without believing it with every part of himself. Will struggled to convince himself it was the truth as the shuttle landed at the planet’s Judicial Enforcement center.  _ You don’t need me. You need the stars, you need space and science and math and your mother, but you don’t need me.  _ It should hurt, thinking that way, but Will felt only a strange, calm acceptance. It didn’t matter if Wes needed him, it wasn’t a requirement for them. When Wes said he  _ needed  _ Will, what he meant was he  _ wanted  _ him. 

 

Will knew there was no way in any universe he would allow harm to come to the people Wesley cared about most, not thinking to include himself in that assessment. As he and his team stormed the terrorists’ underground lair, all Will could think, over and over, was  _ I promise. _


	7. Smolder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will gives Wesley a lesson in music appreciation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter, and I tried a couple of new things. I've been reading Stephen King's memoir "On Writing" (seriously, if you haven't read it, get off AO3 right now and go pick it up), and I've really tried to use his lessons for tightening up my writing. I also tried using dialect, and I think I may have done a terrible job; if anyone finds it offensive, I sincerely apologize. I was trying to translate a spoken accent to the page, and it was especially hard because I'm not overly familiar with the accent. Oh, and I put the song lyrics at the end because I'm a sap. Anyway, thank you as always for taking the time to read my work - any and all comments are very appreciated!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek. If I did, you can be damn sure Tarantino would not have his bloody hands anywhere near it.

Chapter 7: Smolder

 

As per Wesley’s instructions, Will was standing outside Holodeck 1 at exactly 18:00. He was unaccustomed to not knowing what was happening on the ship at any given moment, and he didn’t like it, but Wes had refused to let slip a single hint. In fact, Will had barely seen him over the past few days, and the lack of Wesley’s company was making him irritable. His mood must have been obvious when he caught the young ensign in the turbolift on the way to the bridge that morning, but Wes had been maddeningly cheerful. He had pecked Will’s bearded cheek, said only, “It’s a birthday surprise, Will. You’ll like it,” and given one last grin before the lift doors opened and propriety resumed.

 

Now, Will waited for the signal to enter the Holodeck and tried not to dread his birthday, especially since Wes seemed to have put effort into making it a special one. Will felt he was long past the age when birthdays were special, and it was an unwelcome reminder of the age difference between him and the young man he loved. Thinking of Wesley, Will’s imagination turned to soft, pliant skin and full lips turned up in a teasing smirk, and suddenly he was desperate to get inside.

 

Will’s limited patience was rewarded when the double doors hissed open to reveal a broad, storefront-line boulevard at dusk. The sign above his head read St. Peter Street, and Will’s blood quickened as he breathed in the Cajun-scented air. A gleaming spotlight directed his attention to an arched, iron-bar doorway that looked like it had been there longer than the decrepit building around it. 

 

In the shadow of the doorway, Will spied a slim, pale figure in simple khaki pants and a neat, crisp button-down shirt with the top two buttons undone. He felt guilty at the stirring in his gut as he eyed the figure in frank appreciation, then felt his jaw drop when he realized the sweet young thing beckoning him closer was Wesley.

 

“Happy birthday, Will,” Wes said, nearly bouncing with glee. Will reached for him and Wes grinned into their kiss. “I hope you like it.”

 

Will moved his head up so he could bury his nose in Wesley’s dessert-scented hair. “Making out with you in an alley? Sounds like a perfect birthday to me.”

 

Wesley snorted and gave Will’s broad shoulder a playful smack. “We’re going  _ in _ .” He pushed open the massive door and ushered Will into the dark, close interior. 

 

Will blinked and took a moment to absorb the venue. It was a tiny room, and the only anemic light came from a couple of bulbs hanging from the ceiling; Will and Wesley were the only patrons. A handful of rough wooden benches formed a seating area in front of the stage, which was really only an open area near the front windows. A couple of rickety wooden chairs were scattered around a drum set and an ancient piano, and to Will’s immense delight, a polished brass trombone was perched in its stand in the center. 

 

Will didn’t know how long he stood gazing at the static scene, but Wesley’s hesitant voice broke through his blissful haze. “Did I get the details right?” When Will took a beat too long to respond, Wes continued nervously, “I mostly relied on the computer banks, but I did adjust a few things. It’s supposed to smell like cigar and cigarette smoke, but that was gross, so I took it out…”

 

His ramblings were abruptly cut off by Will suddenly coming to life and scooping him up in his strong arms. “Wesley, it’s  _ perfect _ ,” he declared, planting kisses all over Wesley’s face and neck until Wes laughed and pushed him away.

 

“You haven’t even heard the music yet,” he scolded. “So you get to choose; do you want to hear a band or do you want to play?” One slim hand indicated the rustic seating while the other gestured toward the trombone.

 

“Do I have to choose just one?”

 

Wesley’s brilliant smile made Will’s blood simmer. “Nope. It’s your birthday; you get to do whatever you want.”

 

_ I want to devour you.  _ “How about the band now and then I’ll play a bit?”

 

Wesley nodded and raised his voice slightly. “Sounds good. Computer, insert the Dorsey Brothers.”

 

Will raised an impressed brow as the holographic renderings of Tommy and Jimmy Dorsey appeared and took their places. Jimmy showed up holding a saxophone, and Tommy deftly lifted the waiting trombone. An unknown pianist and drummer completed the line-up, and the foursome tuned and tested their respective instruments while they waited for the audience of two to settle.

 

Wesley turned to sit on one of the wooden benches, but Will rushed to sit first, grabbing Wes around the waist and onto his own lap.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, Will?” Wesley tried to look stern, but the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him.

 

“Jazz is better if you listen to it while you hold your sweetheart.” Will grinned wickedly at Wesley’s sudden blush. “And didn’t you say I get to do  _ whatever  _ I want on my birthday?”

 

Trying to hide the flare in his round cheeks, Wesley cleared his throat and addressed the waiting band. “How about some music, guys?”

 

As “The Breakaway” got into full swing, Will tightened his arms around Wesley’s middle and let himself be pulled into the music. His fingers tapped the song’s rhythm on his thigh, and he caught Wes sneaking looks at him with an amused little smile. When the band started their next number, Will’s fingers stopped tapping and slid up to hold Wesley’s hand. “What are you looking at?” he asked, playfully poking Wesley’s flat stomach.

 

“You really love this jazz sound, don’t you? It’s like your head’s somewhere else when you’re listening to it.”

 

Will couldn’t deny it. “It’s definitely one of my passions.”  _ And so are you. _ “And by the way, you get the same look when you’re working in engineering, you little hypocrite.”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because engineering’s something I understand. This,” he tilted his chin toward the musicians, “it’s fun to listen to, but I don’t get the passion for it.” He stopped and bit his lip. “I’m sorry, Will. I don’t mean to badmouth it. Jazz just isn’t my thing. Maybe I don’t really like it because it doesn’t have any words.”

 

“Is that the problem? Pfft, I can fix that.” Will laced their fingers together and felt his pulse jump when Wes tightened an arm around his shoulders. “Which artists did you include in the program?”

 

Wesley grinned bashfully. “All of them.”

 

“ _ All  _ of them? That’s not possible.”

 

“I had no way to tell which ones were really good, and I didn’t want to ask you who you liked because that would have ruined the surprise, so I included all the musicians I could find in the data banks.” 

 

Will gaped at Wesley. “That must have taken forever. How long have you been working on this?”

 

Wes’ angelic face turned stubborn, and his hazel eyes narrowed. Still sitting in Will’s lap, he awkwardly crossed his arms over his chest. “None of your business. A while.”

 

Will stared in amazement at his beautiful genius, and finally looked toward the oblivious band. “Computer, pause program. Replace musicians with Ray Charles.”

 

The Dorsey Brothers and their accompaniment vanished, and were instantly replaced by an older gentleman in a neat suit and dark glasses. Wesley’s pale brow furrowed. “I don’t remember him from the data banks.”

 

Will chuckled. “The computer has its own category system. He combined different types of music, but his roots are jazz.” Will snuck a quick kiss on the underside of Wesley’s jaw. “I’ll let you hear a song with lyrics, on one condition.”

 

Wesley’s eyes had started closing at the touch of Will’s lips on his skin, but now he pulled back and eyed the older man suspiciously. Will wore an annoyingly charming poker face, and Wesley was absolute shit at poker, but he knew Will too well to fall for it. “What condition?”

 

“You have to dance with me.”

 

Wes glared at him. “Forget it.”

 

Only the maturity granted by Will’s beard kept his frown from becoming a pout. “It’s my birthday.” At Wesley’s eye roll, Will pulled him closer and pressed his lips against Wesley’s throat, grinning when he heard Wes’ breathing hitch. He finished with a lick that made Wes shiver. 

 

The moment was decidedly ended by a raspy, deep-South voice from the baby grand piano the computer had supplied in place of the original instruments. “Are you boys gonna request somethin’ or should I jus’ head on home?”

 

Will laughed and pulled Wesley to standing; he walked them toward the open space behind the benches and threw over his shoulder, “How about ‘I Love You So Much It Hurts,’ Ray?”

 

The musician turned to the piano and wiggled his fingers with a snappy, “Tha’s  _ Mister Charles  _ to you, son.” He touched the keys and the first sweet notes floated into the ether. 

 

Wesley was still skeptical as Will pulled him into his arms. “Real subtle, Will. And I can’t dance. At all. So I hope you wished for broken toes for your birthday.”

 

Will placed one of Wesley’s arms around his neck and brushed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. “Hold onto my waist - there you go. Dancing’s easy; you just move to the music. If you can do all that advanced science and math, you can learn to dance.”

 

“Those are entirely different skill sets, Will.”

 

Despite his protests, Wesley relaxed in Will’s arms as the song continued. He seemed to actually be paying attention to the lyrics, and let Will lead him in a tight circle over the rough wooden floor.

 

Will was in heaven. Wesley’s technical genius, his devotion to discovering the secrets of the universe, Will could never relate to, but this, he understood. The pressure of Wesley’s body against his, a soft hand caressing the nape of his neck, slim hips moving subtly into him without Wes even realizing it. And his mouth, god, his mouth; Will nearly lost his footing when he bent to kiss him, Wesley’s delicious tongue taking his breath away.

 

He felt Wes press even closer to him and murmur through the kiss, “Did you have a good birthday, Will?”

 

Will stopped moving so he could bury his face in Wesley’s collar and kiss his way toward the two open buttons. “Best one yet. I got you.”

  
  


"I Love You So Much It Hurts"

Ray Charles

 

I love you so much it hurts me

Darlin', that's why I'm so blue

I'm so afraid to go to bed at night

I'm afraid of losing you.

I love so much it hurts me

And there's nothing I can do

I want to hold you, my dear, forever and ever

I love you so much it hurts me so.

I love you so much it hurts me

And there's nothing I can do

I want to hold you, my dear, forever and ever

I love you so much it hurts me so.

  
  



	8. Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Wesley have a dinner date, without the dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the first official chapter to earn the Explicit rating. I had planned for this chapter to go in a slightly different direction, but Will's a physical communicator and Wesley's a hormone-charged teenager, so here we are. If you like it (or not) please let me know in the comments!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but I do have many fancy t-shirts with Star Trek logos on them, as well as a board game from the '90's that used an actual VHS tape.

Chapter 8: Shine

 

When Wesley didn’t show up to Will’s quarters on time, Will waited an extra twenty minutes and then went looking for him. Officially, they were going to study together, meaning they would eat dinner and then be unable to keep their hands off each other for the rest of the evening. After Q’s unexpected visit earlier in the day, everything felt a bit off kilter, and Will was getting worried that Wes was so late. Asking the computer where he was didn’t help, which meant Wes didn’t have his combadge on. Feeling a bit intrusive, Will bypassed the normal search parameters and had the computer seek out Wesley’s biosignature, normally only used by Chief O’Brien and his transporting crew. The computer indicated that Ensign Crusher was in a small, barely-used meeting room down the corridor from Ten Forward, so that’s where Will headed.

 

Wesley didn’t turn around when Will walked into the dark room. The young ensign leaned casually against the conference table, his back to Will, eyes on the dwarf planet and its two tiny, orbiting moons visible out the window.

 

“I’m sorry, Will; I know we had a date. I was going to head over to you right away, but then I saw the twin moons from sickbay and I wanted a closer look. I didn’t get a chance to check them out earlier with Q here and the yellow alert and everything.”

 

Will’s insides leapt giddily at Wesley’s casual use of the word _date_. After surreptitiously locking the door, he walked around the table so he could see Wes clearly in the soft glowing light from the window, and got another pleasant surprise. Wesley wasn’t wearing his usual acting ensign uniform, and Will openly drank in the sight of him. His outfit was simple, but nevertheless took Will’s breath away. Straight black trousers and black boots reminded Will of his own uniform, and showed off Wesley’s long legs crossed at the ankles. A plain green sweater made Wes’ hazel eyes flash and shine like fractured emeralds. He looked absolutely delectable, and Will realized he was starving.

 

Catching the commander’s hungry look, a slow grin broke out over Wesley’s face, and he beckoned enticingly to Will. “Do you forgive me for making you wait?” he murmured, knowing damn well what the answer would be.

 

Will moved closer until Wesley reached out and pulled the older man toward him by his sleeves. Will’s strong hands rested on Wesley’s waist as Wes greeted him with a sweet, tender kiss. Will chuckled against Wesley’s soft mouth. “How can I not forgive you when you look so good?”

 

Wesley pulled away slightly and raised one eyebrow. “That’s a cheesy line, even by your standards, Will.”

 

Will tugged Wes toward him until he could feel the sharp hip bones pressing into his own thighs. “That wasn’t a line. I’ve never seen you in that color before. You look gorgeous, Wes.”

 

Wesley suddenly shifted and pulled self-consciously at his hem. “I’m not used to wearing civilian clothes. I kind of miss my uniform.”

 

“Why didn’t you wear it, then?”

 

A splash of red colored the young ensign’s plush cheeks. “I thought you’d like this outfit,” he muttered toward the floor.

 

A spark of desire shot into Will’s belly, and he suddenly grasped Wesley’s thighs to hoist his young sweetheart onto the table. Wesley pressed himself so close that Will could feel the steady beat of his heart. Wes braced himself against the tabletop to counter the weight of Will’s enthusiastic kisses.

 

“I love it,” Will growled into Wesley’s mouth. “I love it so much I want to tear it off you.” His mouth moved to taste Wes’ chin and jaw, nibbling his way down the column of his throat. His strong hands slipped under Wesley’s sweater, and Wes suppressed a moan at Will’s touch. Will suddenly stopped and looked Wes in the eye, although his hands kept stroking aimlessly under the sweater that he claimed to like so much. “Do you think that’s a line, too?”

 

Wes gazed at him with a playful smirk dancing over his lips, now flushed and swollen from Will’s attentions. “Yes, and a bad one. But I’ll let it slide if you keep moving your hands like that.” His hips arched into Will in a slow, subtle rhythm that made Will’s cock stir impatiently.

 

“Yes, Sir,” Will answered, his hands stroking down to grasp the hem of Wesley’s sweater. He nudged the offending cloth up and away, and went to his knees so he could brush his bearded chin across Wesley’s abdomen. A giggle escaped Wes’ mouth, and Will grinned. _He’s happy. I make him happy. And god, I could kneel here all night tasting him and never get tired of it._

 

Wesley’s tickled laugh trailed off on a soft moan beneath Will’s touch and tongue. He bent and urged Will’s chin up so he could rest his forehead against the older man’s, stroking his slim fingers through Will’s beard.

 

“Thank you, Will. Thank you for today.” The whisper was low and urgent, conveying a different emotion than pure passion.

 

Will’s thoughts were floating delightfully away on the tide of Wesley’s ardent greeting, and it took him a moment to reel them back in. _Today, today, what did I do today again?_

 

Wesley gave a short, throaty chuckle and shook his head. “You dealt with Q, remember? Immortal, omnipotent being who likes to use us as toys? Ring a bell?” He dropped the teasing tone and looked Will in the eye. “When he showed up, I was afraid he’d go after you again. You kept him under control.”

 

Will would never claim to have an undersized ego, and he normally enjoyed Wesley’s compliments, but this praise felt undeserved. Will hadn’t actually done anything; Q had caused, and more or less solved, his own mess. Will felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of how he had “handled” Q the last time the omnipotent fucker had been on board. Will had almost succumbed to Q’s offer of joining them, and even now, could grasp a vague, wispy memory of unlimited power, and what it had taken to give it up.

 

“Wes,” he began hesitantly, resting his cheek against the inside of Wesley’s thigh, “I didn’t do much. Q came, made some relatively harmless mischief, and left. Trust me, I was safe on the sidelines.”

 

Wesley sat up and ran a hand through Will’s hair to the back of his neck, making a pleasant shiver run through Will’s body. Will rose from the floor and Wesley’s perch on the table made them the same height for once. “Will, look out the window.” Will turned, keeping an arm looped around Wesley’s slender waist. “Look how expansive the universe is - and this is only _one universe_. If someone offered me the chance to explore all of it, no rules, no limits…” He stared out the window with that familiar look of reverence and wonder. “I don’t know if I could turn that down.”

 

In an instant, the panic that Will felt when Wesley spoke that way, in that tone, with that look of utter devotion in his eyes, flared up. Keeping one arm firmly around Wesley’s waist, Will positioned himself so he was directly in front of Wes, blocking his view out the window. He knew he was being childish and tried to hide it, but Wesley’s narrowed eyes said he was doing a poor job.

 

“I don’t ever want Q near you, Wes. He’s dangerous, and unpredictable. And you know he never offers anything without a heavy price.”

 

Wes eyed him speculatively. “I know that. But don’t you think sometimes it might be worth the cost?”

 

Will didn’t want to talk about this anymore. The entire line of conversation threatened him; he belonged to Wesley, would do anything for him, but Will knew his power to protect him began and ended at the ship’s hull. Wesley must have seen the fear clouding his face, because he suddenly smiled gently and tugged Will’s chin toward him.

 

“It’s ok, Will. I’m not going to run away and join the Continuum.” Wesley’s sweet lips pressed against Will’s mouth and opened to let Will in. Will’s large hands found their way once again under Wesley’s sweater, this time with purpose. He resumed his spot on the floor in front of the young ensign, and kissed his way down Wesley’s flat stomach to his belt. He glanced up and caught Wesley watching him.

 

“Can I touch you here?” Will murmured, his hand brushing just under Wesley’s navel. Wesley answered by undoing the buckle himself, his chest heaving slightly. Will deftly opened the fastenings and slid the black fabric partway down Wesley’s slender legs. Will’s own pulse hit warp speed as his mouth moved lower, past smooth, trembling skin and soft, secret dark curls. When his tongue traced the hard cock all the way to the leaking tip in one slick move, Wesley’s gasping moan made Will’s own hardness ache.

 

“Will...Will... _please…_ ”

 

Will doubled his efforts, determined to make Wesley forget everything outside the window and dying to hear his name in that sweet moan again. When Wes’ hand grasped his hair, Will reached past his own waistband to take himself in hand. With a stifled cry, Wesley soon came into Will’s eager mouth, and a heartbeat after that Will spilled into his own hand. Will took a few moments to catch his breath, and finally pulled himself to stand over his love - his lover. Wesley lay back on the table, peering at Will through heavy lids.

 

Will leaned over him and gently caressed his cheek. “Was that ok?”

 

Wesley’s laughter burst out of him unexpectedly, bright and joyful, and Will’s confidence kicked up more than a few notches.

 

“It was amazing, Will.” Wes suddenly looked sly. “And now I’m starving. How about we head to your quarters for...dinner?”

 

Will grinned and eyed him greedily. “The view’s not as good from my place.”

 

Wesley pushed himself up and quickly straightened his clothes. “I like the view. Let’s go.”

 


	9. Consume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will happily gives Wes anything he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one definitely earns the "E" rating. Wesley's eighteen, so not underage even by the strictest standards. There are a number of chapters left, but I am feeling a little nervous because it's getting close to when Wes leaves the ship in canon. I'm not sure what direction the story should go in from there, so any suggestions and/or comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, the theme song to Enterprise would be erased from collective memory.

Chapter 9: Consume

 

The crew was in desperate need of a break. The last week had stretched them all to the breaking point, as Ambassador Sarek’s excess emotions bled out of his mind and into the thousand souls inhabiting the ship. After seeing the esteemed Vulcan on his way at last, Will made his way to his quarters, and was beyond thankful for the upcoming break as the ship traveled to its next assignment.

 

Will had just finished changing out of his uniform and was fervently wishing he had Wesley for company, when his door chime sounded. Will’s wish was granted when the door opened and Wes stepped inside. The door chime had only been a courtesy, and since their relationship had progressed, Will often entertained vivid fantasies of coming back after his shift to find his lover waiting for him.

 

Now, instead of the unrestrained desire Will had been hoping for, Wesley’s beautiful face was clouded with the same apprehension infecting the rest of the ship. Will could see it in the tense set of Wesley’s shoulders, in the shadows under his troubled eyes. When the young man finally spoke, he got right to the point.

 

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

 

Will was taken aback, although certainly not because he didn’t want to say yes. He chose his words carefully, not wanting to add to Wesley’s distress. “Do you think that’s a good idea, Wes? Your mother...won’t she wonder where you are?”

 

A flash of anger darkened Wesley’s eyes; he held in a breath and let it out slowly. Will was impressed; he knew he hadn’t possessed nearly as much self-control at Wesley’s age. Wes still looked pissed, but when he spoke his voice was even. “She’s...busy.”

 

“Ah.” Will knew Dr. Crusher had been by the captain’s side when he took on Sarek’s emotions so the ambassador could complete his mission. Will figured she was now helping the captain recover from the aftermath. He didn’t know exactly what that entailed, but he could tell Wes was less than thrilled about it. Will walked toward Wesley with his arms out, and Wesley gratefully wrapped his own arms around Will’s waist and rested his forehead against his broad chest.

 

“I want to be with you, Will,” he murmured, gently brushing his cheek against the soft fabric of Will’s shirt.

 

Will hugged Wesley tightly with one arm, bringing his other hand up to stroke through Wesley’s smooth auburn hair. “I’m right here,” he reassured him.

 

“No.” Wesley lifted his head to look Will in the eyes. “ _I want to be with you_.”

 

Will’s breath caught in his throat. The feverish kisses and urgent touches, the whispered confessions and promises, the late-night study sessions in which very little studying got done, made Will’s head spin. He had wanted more, always more, but he refused to push until Wesley explicitly asked for it. Now, Wes was in his arms and his delicate hands were sliding under Will’s shirt, his mouth pressing against Will’s scooped collar, and Will wanted Wesley naked in his bed so badly he could taste it.

 

“Have you ever…” Will swallowed hard and tried to recall all the reasons they should wait, but nothing came to mind except _yes yes yes anything you want_.

 

Wesley gazed at him with wide eyes, his hands now pulling Will’s shirt over his head. Once it was off, Wes leaned up and wrapped his arms around Will’s bare neck. Will shivered as Wesley’s soft breath caressed his ear. “Come teach me,” he begged in a heated whisper. And just like that, any choice Will might have had vanished. He never could tell Wesley no.

 

Wrapping Wes in his arms, Will met his ravenous kiss, and maneuvered both of them toward the bed. Wesley’s hands were all over him, smoothing down his back and biceps, stroking through the hair on his chest, wandering closer to the waistband of his pants. Will reached around Wes to unclasp his gray uniform top, sliding it over his shoulders and tossing it onto the floor. Dropping to his knees, Will tugged off Wesley’s pants, briefs and shoes until the young man stood nude in front of him. Will nuzzled the soft skin just below Wesley’s navel, his fingers gently massaging Wes hips and thighs. He heard a soft moan and felt Wes tilting his bearded face upwards.

 

“Not fair,” Wes gasped when Will looked up and met his eyes. “Here...come back here.”

 

Will let out a quiet chuckle. “But I like it down here,” he countered, his massaging hands inching further between Wesley’s legs.

 

Wesley moaned again and gripped Will’s shoulders for support as the older man’s fingers stroked the satin skin over his cock. He gritted out the magic words. “Please, Will.”

 

In a flash Will was on his feet, Wesley pulling Will’s sweatpants off and both of them scrambling onto the bed. Will covered Wesley’s slender body with his own, their mouths meeting in a frantic search for contact. Will’s hands held Wesley’s wrists over his head and pressed into the sheets, as Wes wrapped his long legs around Will’s waist. Will barely had enough presence of mind to slow them down, if only by the slightest bit.

 

“I have to...get you ready,” Will breathed, resting his forehead against Wesley’s.

 

Wes tightened his legs around Will. “I _am_ ready,” he insisted, and Will smiled fondly at his young lover’s impatience.

 

“No, sweetheart.” Will spoke the endearment tenderly, and felt his heart clench at the softness that stole into Wes’ eyes when he heard it. “It could be uncomfortable the first time, and I don’t want to hurt you.” He leaned over Wes to the bedside table, and pulled out a small, silver vial of oil. Wesley’s breath quickened when he saw it, his legs unconsciously falling open for Will.

 

“Is...is that enough?” he asked.

 

Will kissed him gently, sucking for a moment on his full bottom lip. “Slow, Wes, we have to go slow. Just lie back and relax, ok?” Will pulled out the gleaming stopper and poured a few drops onto his fingers. He hesitated slightly, took a deep breath, and forced himself to look Wes in the eye. “Are you sure about this, Wes? It’s not just because you’re feeling tense? Because the whole ship’s been a little frazzled...”

 

Wesley’s joyful smile set Will’s heart on fire, and his eyes sparkled like the stars outside Will’s windows. “I want this, Will, because it’s you. I always wanted it to be you.”

 

Will sat enraptured for a moment, all his senses absorbing his lover’s words, and breath, and touch. He moved to Wesley’s side and stretched out next to him, one slick hand returning to the soft insides of Wes’ legs, dancing deliberately upward, brushing past the rock-hard shaft and already-tight balls, and began stroking his perineum. Wesley’s breath came in soft pants as he kissed Will again and again and again.

 

“Relax, sweetheart,” Will murmured between kisses, the tip of his finger breaching Wesley’s tight, puckered hole. Wesley took a deep breath, and Will pushed his finger inside. They had been here before, several times, and Will almost lost it hearing the sweet moans Wes made as he stroked inside. He tested the resistant muscle with a second finger, and Wes gasped and tensed around him.

 

“ _More_ ,” he begged, his hips arching upward, his hands twisting in Will’s thick, dark hair.

 

Shifting slightly, Will’s mouth explored the smooth planes of Wesley’s chest as he pushed a second finger in. He pulled a taut, pink nipple into his mouth, worrying it into a wet point before moving on to the other one. Wesley’s pants turned to groans as Will’s fingers separated inside him, scissoring and stretching until Will felt confident enough to try a third digit. Wesley whined fitfully at first, then moved his hips to match the rhythm of Will’s exploring fingers.

 

“Now, Will, _please,_ ” he begged, pale skin flushed and marked from Will’s mouth.

 

“Almost, Wes,” he soothed, and picked up the vial from where he had placed it on the bedside table. Will held it out to Wes, gesturing to his own neglected cock, hard and swollen, already dripping with precum. “Will you get me ready, now?”

 

Wesley sat up on his elbows and poured a small puddle of the slick oil into his hands. Meeting Will’s heated gaze, he coated his lover’s arousal with firm, even strokes. Will pushed him back onto the bed and positioned himself between Wesley’s legs. Wes couldn’t stop touching him, his hands on Will’s body almost as distracting as the sight of his young lover naked beneath him.

 

He wrapped his legs again around Will’s waist, but Will gently moved them to his shoulders with little difficulty. Silently thanking the flexibility of youth, Will held his cock so the tip just breached Wesley’s hole. Inch by inch, Will pushed inside, unable to stop his own aching moans as he was enveloped by that tight heat. He pulled back slightly after each gentle thrust, reading Wesley’s body as they moved together. He was drowning in sensation; the encompassing squeeze around his cock, Wesley’s fingertips digging into his thighs, the sweet gasps Wes made as Will buried himself. When he was finally entirely sheathed, he marveled to see Wesley flushed and panting, his plush lips parted, his face glowing with bliss.

 

Wesley’s eyes opened slowly, gazing at Will with (almost) the same fervor he had for the stars. He reached up and took Will’s bearded face in his hands, pulling him down to press their mouths together. Not a kiss, no; Wes brushed his lips and tongue against Will’s and matched his deep breaths. Will didn’t care; he knew it meant _I love you_ and he’d take it.

 

His feelings for Wesley were so far beyond love he didn’t know how to qualify them. He had been made for Wesley; Will felt his entire existence until they met had been spent simply waiting to belong to Wes. Will knew he would die a happy man if he could devote his life to this sweet, earnest, brilliant young man.

 

He didn’t know how to put emotions of such intensity into words and make them sound credible, and besides, he was still Will Riker, and poetry was not his strong suit. So instead, he reached down and stroked Wesley’s downy cheek, and Wes turned his head and rubbed his face contentedly against Will’s large palm. Will started to move his hips in slow, careful thrusts, watching Wesley’s face for any signs of discomfort. When he hit the special, secret spot inside, Wes threw his head back and cried out Will’s name, his slender hips pushing Will even deeper.

 

They moved together, and Will wanted to stay lost like this forever, but it couldn’t last. Will felt his orgasm coiling under his skin too soon, and grasped Wesley’s cock so his strokes matched their rhythmic thrusts. He quickly felt himself losing control, and his movements became rougher, pushing Wesley into the bed.

 

“Wes, oh god, you feel so... _so good_ ,” he gasped. “So close, Wes, sweetheart, come for me…”

 

With a final cry, Wesley’s back arched and his insides tightened around Will; thick seed coated Will’s hand and spattered Wesley’s flat, hard stomach. Will’s thrusts sped up erratically until his own orgasm hit with a jolt. He emptied himself deep inside his lover, pumping his hips for several moments after he was done.

 

They collapsed together into the sheets, Will still inside Wes and both of their bodies gleaming with sweat and seed. With his hand on Wesley’s chest, Will felt his lover’s panting breaths and pounding heartbeat slowly calm down. Wes threaded his fingers through Will’s, and Will found himself mesmerized as he watched their joined hands rise and fall as Wesley breathed. Will had to force himself to pull out; he hated to do it, but his own body wasn’t eighteen anymore and he couldn’t hold Wesley in his arms in their current position.

 

Wes opened his eyes and pouted at him, and Will laughed. “Something wrong?” he asked teasingly.

 

Wes curled his hand around the nape of Will’s neck and bit his lip in a way that Will thought should be outlawed. “Let’s do that again.”

 

Will grinned cheekily at him. “Greedy little thing,” he murmured. “I don’t think I have the energy to keep up with your unreasonable demands.” He tried to look put-upon, but his hands stroking up Wesley’s sides belied his words.

 

Wesley arched into Will’s touch; his own hands reached out and pulled Will’s lips to his. They kissed until they broke apart to breathe. Wes brushed his soft, smooth cheek against Will’s bearded one, and whispered, “So, can I stay with you tonight?”

 

Will barked out an incredulous laugh. Before Wesley, Will’s various flings never stayed the night, and now he never wanted Wesley to leave.

 

“Only if you’ll let me try to keep up with your stamina,” he whispered back, and Wesley laughed and pulled Will down for another kiss.


	10. Shimmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't usually understand much when Wes talks science, but that doesn't stop him from being enthralled by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this chapter was going to have more action, with one of the boys getting more seriously injured, but then it kind of turned into a sweet conversation and I let them have at it.
> 
> As always, comments are always very much appreciated, if only to let me know that someone's into this thing. Thanks for reading!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but I did meet Gates McFadden at a convention. I had an entire speech prepared about how empowering and inspiring Dr. Crusher was to me growing up, which ended up coming out as a stream of fairly unintelligible, over-excited gushing. I also met LeVar Burton and Brent Spiner, and they were all incredibly gracious and lovely.

Chapter 10: Shimmer

 

Wesley sat alone on the floor, staring into the tangled web of a dilithium conduit chamber. Main Engineering buzzed around him, officers stepping carefully around the young ensign as he cut out the fried pieces of wiring and added each one to a growing pile beside him. It was tedious work that required patience and a steady hand, and Will grew more alarmed than necessary when he saw Wes jerk his hand away and grimace in pain.

 

Abruptly ending his conversation with Geordi, Will crossed the cavernous room in quick, long strides until he landed at Wesley’s side. Wes pointedly ignored him as Will crouched beside him and reached for his injured hand.

 

“It’s fine, Commander,” he huffed, annoyed with himself. “I should have been more careful.”

 

Will frowned at Wesley’s formal address. He much preferred Wes calling him by name, especially in the gentle, maturing lilt he used when they were alone, but he figured Main Engineering wasn’t the best place for that kind of talk. “Wes, let me see it.”

 

“No.”

 

Then again, maybe Wesley wasn’t going to let him pull rank without putting up a fight.

 

“Wesley, let me see your hand.”

 

“No, sir.”

 

_Fine. Rank it is, then._ “Ensign Crusher, show me your hand. That’s an order.”

 

Wesley’s eyes narrowed for a moment, but he finally relented and held out his palm. Will was relieved to see only a faint pink line that was already fading. “See? Was that so hard? And yes, you should have been more careful. Why are you doing this, anyway? I thought you were working on some warp project.”

 

“Geordi didn’t have a free station, so he said I could clear out the damaged wiring while I waited for one to open up.” His Cupid’s-bow lips quirked up in a grin. “He said I may as well make myself useful instead of bugging the other engineers.”

 

Will laughed and suppressed the urge to press his own lips against Wesley’s soft mouth. Later he planned on kissing every inch of the beautiful young ensign, but unfortunately it would have to wait. That didn’t mean, however, that he couldn’t enjoy Wesley’s company for a bit longer. “Will you tell me about the project? If you’re going to be bugging engineers and messing with the warp drive, the First Officer should probably know about it.”

 

Wesley tried his best to look offended, but his hazel eyes sparkled the way they always did when he was excited. “I’m not doing anything to the warp drive. At least, not yet. It’s just an experiment, but if it works, it could revolutionize warp technology.”

 

Will raised an eyebrow. “That seems a bit ambitious for a school project.”

 

“Like I said, it’s just an experiment. And it mostly involves working out the equations to make it work.”

 

“But what does it actually do?” Will knew he had walked right into the rabbit hole, and likely wouldn’t understand much that Wes said from this point on, but he couldn’t help himself. His brilliant lover’s enthusiasm was infectious, and right now Will’s biggest problem was trying not to stare at Wesley’s slender hands as they sketched his idea in the air.

 

“The equations open a...a...doorway, or a portal, I guess, except it’s not really a portal, it’s more like a seam, you know, in space. And then there are different equations that create a kind of...bubble...and the bubble holds the seam open, and…”

 

Now Wes was really warming up, and his face was alight with passion for his subject. _He loves this so much. It’s the happiest I ever see him._ Will pushed away any self-pity; Wesley loved him and was happy with him. His infatuation with the science of the universe was a different kind of love, and he wouldn’t be the person that Will adored without it. Wesley was rambling on about equations and warp bubbles, and Will was enthralled, despite not understanding a word of it.

 

“I got the idea from the Traveler…”

 

Suddenly, Will broke his reverent gaze at Wesley’s face. “Wait, the what?”

 

Wes stopped mid-sentence, irked at the interruption. “The Traveler. I still had my notes from his visit so…”

 

“What traveler? When?”

 

Wesley looked askance at Will’s sharp tone. “Don’t you remember? A couple of years ago, an alien came to help improve the warp drive. He called himself the Traveler. Actually, he was just an assistant, but he did the real work. Remember that guy he was with, Kosinski?”

 

Will did remember, and didn’t want to. He hadn’t thought of the Traveler since he and Kosinski left, and the memory made him panicky, although he had no idea why. He decided the experience had been unpleasant enough to warrant a mental block, and tried to soften his tone. “Yeah, I remember. You took notes on his work?”

 

Wes gave a vigorous nod. “Of course; the things he did with warp equations were amazing! I wish I knew where he was so I could talk to him about it.” He paused and weighed his next words carefully, trying not to sound too hopeful. “Do you think...I mean, maybe the Captain knows where he is? Or could help me find him?”

 

Will knew the Captain’s response would probably veer into the realm of _I don’t have time to run messages for some damn ensign,_ and Will would rather Wesley not contact the alien at all, but as always, Wesley’s happiness overrode Will’s concern. He swallowed his vexing, vague fear of the Traveler and beckoned to Wes to stand up with him. He raised his voice slightly in the direction of the upper control panel. “Computer, locate Captain Picard.”

 

_Captain Picard is in his Ready Room._

 

Wes gave a triumphant grin, shut the conduit chamber and bent to scoop up the mess of wires. “Thanks, Commander.” His eyes softened as he looked at the older man. “Want to walk me there?”

 

“Sure. I’ll be your bodyguard in case anyone tries to kidnap you.” He nudged the young man’s armed suggestively.

 

Wes laughed, tossing his handful of burnt wires into a refuse chute on the way out. His hazel eyes peered at Will as they walked. “I’m not worth kidnapping - there wouldn’t be much of a ransom for me. Now, the First Officer on the other hand…” They reached the turbolift and stepped inside. As soon as the doors closed, Wesley visibly relaxed and reached out for Will’s hand. “Hi, Will.”

 

Will wrapped his arms around Wesley’s slender shoulders. “Computer, halt lift.” Wes melted into him, snuggling like a puppy into Will’s broad chest. Will stroked his smooth hair, inhaling the delicious scent that only belonged to Wes. When Wes looked up at him, Will met his soft kiss, large hands reaching up to caress Wesley’s soft cheeks. When they broke apart, the twinkle in Wesley’s eyes gave him away.

 

“You’re not really going to talk to the Captain right now, are you?”

 

Wes gave him a look that made all his senses shimmer. “Well...I really shouldn’t bother him with something so trivial.” His sunny voice lowered, and Will thought they both might implode in a shower of sparks. “And it was killing me having you that close and not able to...you know.”

 

Will sighed and ran his hands down Wesley’s back. “I know. But didn’t  you want to work on your project?”

 

Wes shrugged. “I can always work on it later; there’s no hurry. I was tired of sitting on the Engineering floor. Besides, you came along just in time to tend to my very serious injury.” He held up the hand that now showed no sign of harm.

 

Will took the proffered hand and carefully inspected it. “Hmmm, still looks tender. Why don’t you come to my quarters and I’ll give you a full exam?”

 

Wesley’s laugh rang out, bright and entrancing, as he stepped away from Will and ordered the turbolift to resume.

 


	11. Empyrean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley keeps his eyes on the stars; everything else is just noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest one so far (I think - I didn't actually go back and check, but it sure felt long) and that's after it went through some pretty heavy editing. As always, please, please, please comment, good or bad - I promise I can take it!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, Wesley would have been shown the same kindness and consideration that he always gave to everyone else.

Chapter 11: Empyrean

 

Wesley slept like a fallen angel, long limbs spread gracefully across Will’s sheets. His normally motionless hair brushed his pale forehead, and Will watched the subtle movement under Wesley’s closed eyelids. He wondered idly what Wes dreamt about when he slept - work, the Academy, exploring the galaxy? It didn’t matter if he dreamt about Will, because Will belonged to him in this real life. Will’s eyes roved from Wesley’s sweet, sleep-soft face to his neck and collarbone, and then down to his bare chest. His pale skin was marked with small bites and bruises, evidence of Will’s attempts to devour him last night before they collapsed, sated and exhausted, beneath the blankets.

 

Will knew he should let Wes sleep, but they had just under an hour before they both had to start their shifts, and he couldn’t let this time go to waste. This was his favorite part of the day, waking up to Wesley, rumpled and warm, dreaming in his bed.  

 

He slowly pulled the blanket away from Wesley’s body, and Wes murmured and shifted slightly in his sleep. Will propped himself on his arms and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to every mark he had made on Wesley’s skin, starting at Wes’ shoulders and moving lower with each touch of his lips. By the time he reached his stomach, Wesley’s calm breath had taken on a new, familiar rhythm, and his hands wove and stroked through Will’s hair.

 

“Will,” he breathed, whimpering slightly when Will reached his hips and, with a maddening hum, skipped his cock. Bruises from Will’s mouth dotted the velvet insides of Wesley’s thighs, but instead of kissing them to make them better, Will sucked a new one in a spot he had apparently missed.

 

Wesley sighed, soft and sweet, the long lines of his body stretching awake. He rubbed the inside of one thigh against Will’s cheek, stifling a chuckle at the tickle of beard. Will grinned and returned the caress, making Wes laugh out loud.

 

Will loved Ensign Crusher for his brilliance, his optimism, the wonder and light he brought to the rigid structure of the Fleet. He loved the doctor’s son for his strength, his fierce protectiveness and insistence on kindness and fair play. Will loved him all the time, but especially now, when he was simply Wesley. This side of him, still clinging to the last shreds of sleep, relaxed and open and enjoying Will’s touch more than anything. Soon the day would start and they would both be bustling with work and responsibilities, but this moment was theirs.

 

“God, Will, you’re killing me,” Wesley murmured, his hands leaving Will’s hair to grip the sheets beneath him.

 

Will glanced up with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Tell me what you want, Wes.” Then, quieter, “I’ll do anything you want.”

 

Wesley contemplated Will for a beat, then suddenly sprang up and kissed Will with such force that he had to brace one arm against the bed to keep from falling backwards. He looped the other arm around Wesley’s slim waist and held him tightly, and just when Will started wondering exactly how much time they could spare, Wes pulled away with a smirk.

 

“That’s what you get for waking me up.”

 

Will smoothed a hand down his lover’s thigh, squeezing as he went. “Sorry.”

 

“No, you’re not.”

 

“No, I’m not.” Will’s blue eyes slid shut as Wesley leaned down and brushed kisses along his jaw and collarbone. “What’s your day look like?”

 

“Alpha shift in Engineering. Then a helm shift on the Bridge; you know the Admiral’s supposed to be visiting. Then a biochem lesson with Lt. Mandel.” Wes was slipping dangerously lower, his soft lips skimming Will’s broad chest and moving toward his navel.

 

“Two shifts and class?” Will frowned. “You’ll be exhausted later.”

 

“Mmmm, especially considering my sleep was interrupted.” Wes nudged Will back with a gentle push of his hand on Will’s abdomen, and continued his journey south.

 

Will was finding it considerably hard to focus. “Wes, don’t you think...oh _fuck_ …”

 

Wesley stopped the slide of his tongue over Will’s cock and looked up at Will between deceptively innocent lashes. “Don’t I think what?”

 

Will congratulated himself on his self-control when he managed to not slam Wesley into the bed and bury himself right there. “Why don’t you give yourself a little rest? You don’t have to work _all_ the time.”

 

Wesley arched an eyebrow at Will. “It’s not work when I enjoy it.” He sat up and looked Will in the eye, and his voice became wistful. “We’re so lucky, Will.  We get to fly through space and just _learn_ about the universe. There’s nothing better than that.” He looked through Will, outward to the edge of the void that Will knew waited for him. “I hope I get to do it forever.”

 

There it was again, that sense that Will couldn’t reach him, that he only got to borrow Wesley for a little while before the universe claimed him. _No! He’s mine!_ He wanted to scream like a child, but it was pointless. Wesley wasn’t his and never would be, so Will would try his best to make Wes happy now. It was all he could do, and for now, it was enough.

 

He cradled Wesley’s cheek in one large palm. “I hope so, too.” He rested their foreheads together, and Wesley’s gaze slowly came back to him. “Love you, Wes.”

 

Wesley’s smiling face glowed at him. “I know. Love you back, Will.”

 

The harsh beeping of the alarm was an unwelcome interruption. Will shut it with a sigh and stood up, while Wesley tut-tutted at him. “Get a move on, Commander. Lateness will not be tolera - AH!” Wesley dodged the pillow Will aimed at him and rolled swiftly off the bed, trotting into the bathroom ahead of Will. And if they both showed up to their shifts just in time with flushed cheeks, nobody seemed to notice.

 

~

 

Hours later, Will should have had enough of work, but instead he stood on the Bridge beaming with pride. Admiral Koiso stood in front of the _Enterprise_ ’s youngest crew member, mouth agape as Wesley explained a fix for a glitch in the warp drive that had eluded senior officers. Even the captain was pleased, although he hid it so well that only the slightest twitch of the jaw gave him away.

 

“I admit l’m impressed, Captain. Of course, I would prefer a full officer carry out the procedure.” The Admiral’s dark eyes crinkled in a patronizing chuckle. “Wouldn’t want to put young Mr. Crusher in any danger now, would we?”

 

Wesley’s face dimmed briefly, and although he masked it quickly enough, to Will it seemed as if storm clouds had hidden the sun. Ever the diplomat, Captain Picard motioned Acting Ensign Crusher back to the helm with a slight wave before directing the admiral to his Ready Room and leaving the Bridge in Will’s command. Will nodded briskly, then brushed a hand discreetly across Wesley’s stiff shoulder before heading to the center seat.

 

For the rest of the shift, Will watched the back of Wesley’s head like a hawk. He frowned at the way Wes’ slim hands gripped the helm console, and cringed at the unfamiliar edge in his sweet voice when he responded to an order. No one would ever guess at their connection, but Will’s blood simmered with the young ensign’s pull, and if Wesley was upset, then Will was, too.

 

Nearing the end of the shift, a message came in for Wes from the biochemistry lab. Will could have relayed it directly to the helm, but he had been sitting for too long and welcomed an excuse to see Wesley’s face. He crouched beside the young man’s chair and gave him a soft smile. Wes didn’t smile back.

 

“I just got a note from Lt. Mandel cancelling your lesson for today. Apparently, Admiral Koiso decided to give the department a detailed retelling of his time as the biochem expert on Deep Space 5.”

 

Wesley’s mouth tightened and he shut his eyes in annoyance. “Thank you, sir.”

 

Will wanted to kiss away Wesley’s pained expression, but settled for a brief shoulder pat. “Wes…”

 

“It’s probably for the best. Didn’t you say I shouldn’t work so much?” Wesley’s quiet voice had lost its sharp note; now he sounded dejected, which was somehow worse.

 

“I did. Why don’t you do something fun this evening? Something just for you?” Wes gave a half-hearted shrug, and, staring at the star field before them, Will had a sudden inspiration. “Go to the Observation Lounge after your shift. Not the main one; the small one on the top deck. Get comfortable and wait for me there.”

 

Aware they weren’t alone on the Bridge, Wes peered at Will out of the corner of his eye. One side of his pretty mouth lifted ever so slightly, and Will’s heart lifted with it. “Yes, sir.”

 

After Wesley clocked out, Will waited an agonizing five minutes and then promptly followed him to the Observation Lounge. Wesley’s slim form was stretched out on the floor, hands resting on his flat stomach and eyes fixed on the concave viewing window directly above him. Will sat next to him and ran a hand gently through his auburn hair. “Hi, beautiful.”

 

Wesley leaned into Will’s touch, and Will was relieved to see his cheeks plump with a smile. “Hi, Will. Want to look at the stars with me?”

 

Will slid onto his back, slipping his large hand into Wesley’s smaller one. “You discovered my master plan. Stargazing as a cure-all for a bad day.”

 

“You know, we could have stayed on the Bridge for that. There’s a giant screen in front that usually shows these little twinkly things on it.”

 

Will grinned and rolled onto his side, sliding an arm over Wesley’s waist. “Smartass. How about you watch the stars, and I’ll watch you?”

 

Wesley suddenly looked downtrodden again, and Will stroked a gentle hand down his soft cheek. “Forget the admiral,” he said quietly. “He doesn’t know you, not like I do.”

 

“I don’t care about him. He can think I’m not a real officer if he wants; he’s certainly not the first.” Wes stopped and took a deep breath. “I don’t need his approval to look at the stars.” The remark was made without bitterness; whatever ill feeling the admiral had caused, Wes seemed to be over it. He tilted his head to catch Will’s eye and pointed toward the skylight. “See that greenish dot? It’s not a star; it’s the Lyran home world. It has a set of rings that spin in opposing directions…”

 

Will settled his head in the crook of Wesley’s neck so he could drop kisses there, while he held him close and listened to him map their small corner of heaven.

 


	12. Radiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will may outrank him, but Wesley's the one in charge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be a hardcore dom/sub scene, but it turns out that Wesley's what the kids today call a "precious cinnamon roll." Seriously, Wes in a real Starfleet uniform is just the most adorable thing I've ever seen. The next few chapters won't be as light-hearted, so enjoy it while it lasts.
> 
> If you're enjoying the story, or even if you're not, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment! I'm always appreciative of constructive criticism, and it's nice to know someone's reading this thing. Thank you!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, there would have been a lot more of Wes in uniform.

  
  


Chapter 12: Radiance

 

Despite his genuine aversion to children, Captain Picard had developed a restrained tolerance for Wesley, and supported the young man’s career in his own subtle way. When the captain suggested giving Wes a field promotion to full ensign, on the heels of his presentation to Admiral Koiso (thankfully on his dignified way back to Earth), Will felt it was more than deserved. 

 

As soon as he heard the turbolift doors open, Will looked up and instantly felt his mouth go dry. Wesley stood there in his brand-spanking-new red and black uniform, smiling so radiantly Will was surprised the bridge didn’t catch fire. He practically bounced out of the turbolift and down the ramp to the helm, only allowing his eyes to sparkle in Will’s direction for a fraction of a moment. 

 

The rest of the shift was torture, as Will tried and failed to tear his eyes away from the soft skin on the back of Wesley’s neck, peeking out between the crisp black collar and the young ensign’s regulation haircut. Will’s mind swam with vivid, distracting fantasies, at least some of which he knew they would imitate later. He wanted to order everyone else off the bridge, kneel at Wesley’s feet and take him into his mouth. He wanted Wesley to keep his uniform shirt on while Will dragged him out of his seat and took him over the helm’s glossy console. He wanted Wesley a thousand different ways, and practically sprinted to his quarters after the shift wrap-up, where he knew Wes would be waiting for him.

 

When Will finally burst through the door to his cabin, Wesley was indeed waiting, and in his alluring new uniform, but his greeting was a bit unexpected. He glared sternly at the man he loved, the man who loved him back and also happened to outrank him. The steely expression seemed out of place on his normally sunny features. “You’re late, Commander.”

 

Will was brought up short for a moment, and then the light dawned. He had to give Wes credit; his young lover was constantly surprising him. He bowed his head and adopted what he hoped was a credibly repentant expression. “I apologize, Ensign.”

 

“You kept me waiting.” Wesley took a step toward Will, his arms folded across his uniform tunic. “That was rude. Someone should have taught you better, Commander.”

 

“I apologize,” Will repeated, trying to stop, or at least slow, the rush of blood pooling around his groin.

 

Wesley eyed him sharply before huffing out a dismissive sigh. “Well, I think you’ve made me wait long enough. Go sit on the bed. And leave your uniform on.”

 

Will pressed the bottoms of his feet into the floor to keep himself from tackling Wesley, tearing both of their uniforms off and pounding him into the carpet. He glanced up once before replying, “Yes, sir.”

 

As Will turned to walk the short distance to the bed, he felt a warm glint of satisfaction as he caught Wesley trying to suppress a grin. After a beat, Wes followed and stood in front of him as Will sat at the edge of the bed. Wes took a minute to assess Will’s position, tapping his finger against his chin and nearly driving Will to distraction. Finally, he reached out and pushed at Will’s shoulders with both hands. Will didn’t budge.

 

Wesley looked irritated. “Move back,” he ordered, dropping the rank in his annoyance.

 

Will chuckled. “Make me.”

 

Wesley was definitely getting pissed. “I  _ can’t _ . You know you’re bigger than me.  _ Move _ .”

 

“I thought you were in charge, Ensign. I said,  _ make me _ .”

 

Wesley’s expression was so adorably exasperated that Will couldn’t help himself. He chuckled again and reached out to grab Wes by the hips, intending to pull him onto the bed. In one swift movement, Wes captured both of Will’s wrists in his hands and locked them behind Will’s back. It didn’t hurt, but Will was more than a bit surprised to find himself immobilized. He looked into Wesley’s now-amused eyes, inches from his own. 

 

“Where did you learn that?” Will asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

 

Wesley hesitated slightly. “Worf taught me.”

 

Now Will really was surprised, and, honestly, a little hurt. “Worf? Why didn’t you ask me?”

 

A slight blush tinged Wesley’s fair cheeks. “I didn’t want to. I...I can’t imagine having to fight with you like that, even if it’s just training. It didn’t seem right.” He let go of Will’s wrists and ducked his head so Will couldn’t see his face without craning his neck.

 

Will’s jealousy-fueled hurt melted away instantly. He wrapped his arms around Wesley’s waist and pulled him gently forward to sit on the bed. Will kept one arm around Wes’ shoulders and used his free hand to tilt Wes’ face toward him, tenderly stroking his still-ruddy cheek. “What were you training for, anyway?”

 

Wesley sighed. “The Academy physical test. I can take it in a couple of months. I’ve been doing a running program on the Holodeck, but I’m supposed to have some self-defense skill, too.” He sighed again and leaned his head on Will’s shoulder, and Will rubbed his chin against Wesley’s hair.

 

“How does Worf say you’re doing?”

 

Wesley hesitated, his embarrassed flush deepening. “He said...he said I’m the worst trainee he’s ever had.”

 

Will laughed, and Wesley glared at him with all the outrage his angelic face could muster. “It’s  _ not funny _ . And it’s stupid that I even have to do it. I just want to study and do my experiments in peace. It’s not like I’ll be fighting Klingons on a regular basis.”

 

Will’s expression turned serious. “Wes, you  _ do  _ need to know basic defensive skills. First of all, it’s a course for credit. Second, you know there are all sorts of dangers in this job that you should prepare for.”  _ And I won’t always be here to protect you. _

 

“I don’t want to spend my time preparing for a fight that may never come,” Wes scoffed. “And Worf does have a point. I’m not exactly a born fighter.”

 

_ Then stay with me, and I’ll fight for you as long as I’m breathing.  _ “You managed to tie me up pretty well. Speaking of tying me up…” Will wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Wes rolled his eyes at him. “Seriously, Wes, you may need to fight someone one day. Part of Starfleet is being ready for anything.”

 

Wesley narrowed his eyes at Will and pulled away, and Will regretted opening his mouth. “I don’t want to fight  _ anyone _ . Why can’t people just...I don’t know...work together?”

 

Wesley’s innocence was an inescapable part of him, and Will loved it, but he needed Wesley to be safe, too. “Not everyone thinks the same way, Wes. It can lead to conflicts, and those conflicts can turn violent. Sometimes we have to get involved.”

 

A cold look was creeping into Wesley’s bright hazel eyes, turning them an icy gray. “I don’t want any part of that. I’m not a soldier.” His pert nose wrinkled in frustration. “Starfleet should be about helping people, not hurting them.”

 

Will rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Of course Starfleet helps people, Wesley. You know that. It’s just that sometimes helping people means fighting  _ for  _ them. Remember when Data’s brother was on board?”

 

Wes looked taken aback by the seemingly sudden change in subject. “Yeah, Lore. I remember him.” His eyes softened and he squeezed Will’s thigh gently. “I remember that you were the only one who believed me when I said he was acting suspicious.”

 

Will tapped Wesley’s nose, making it wrinkle again. “I forgot about that part. Remember how he had that giant silicon snowflake-looking thing attacking inhabited planets? Those people couldn’t defend themselves. What would have happened if no one had stopped him?”

 

Wesley nodded slowly, and Will waited patiently as he struggled to wrap his head around a concept that, for him, was far more confusing than string theory or multiverse physics. “I guess he would have gotten more people killed. And it wouldn’t have been right if we knew about it and didn’t do anything, so…”

 

“So it’s a good thing a brave, brilliant teenager beamed him into outer space.” Will finished with his trademark grin, and was relieved when Wesley blushed and smiled shyly back.

 

“So the moral of the story is, I should probably keep training with Worf, huh?” Will nodded, and Wesley took one of Will’s hands in his own soft, smaller ones. “I’m sorry for not at least telling you, Will,” he sighed. “And I’m sorry for ruining the...game.”

 

Will laughed outright at that, earning him another glare. He couldn’t help teasing Wes just a little. “You know, if I did have to take orders from you, I think I’d purposely disobey just to get you to punish me.” Wesley snorted and gave Will a gentle shove with his shoulder. Will’s expression turned heated and his voice dropped slightly. “As it was, I could barely control myself on the bridge today. You look so hot in that uniform it’s practically indecent. I should write you up for purposely distracting your commanding officer.”

 

Wesley finally relaxed and laughed, and Will knew he was biased, but he’d be damned if Wesley laughing on his bed wasn’t the most arousing thing he’d ever seen, with or without the uniform. 


	13. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley has the lives of everyone on board at his fingertips, and it makes both him and Will miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewatch "The Best of Both Worlds" for this one, and it really is an excellent episode (both parts), but I found Shelby more irritating than I remember. She's hostile, manipulative and insubordinate, but somehow gets to leave with a smile on her face. On the other hand, I was impressed with the character growth for Will, and (although less obvious) for Wes. Wesley was actually treated as a mature, full officer thrown into battle like any other adult. I couldn't help thinking of how heavy that responsibility must be when you're 17-18 years old. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please, please comment - it makes my day!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but I did use an old, battered ship manual to try to find a deck number for the officers' quarters. I was unsuccessful.

Chapter 13: Fever

 

Wesley was on the bridge, and Will hated it. He hated it because it was the battle bridge, and Commander Shelby had no business putting Wes in danger like that. The woman had been pushing Will’s buttons since the moment she got on board, but Will had no choice. Wesley was on duty, and he was, quite frankly, the best pilot on the ship. And Will needed to trust him to do his job, or none of them would make it out of this alive.

 

Will sat in the captain’s seat and focused on the gigantic metal cube floating in front of the star drive. He forced himself to project an air of relaxed confidence, as if the Borg ship weren’t the technological embodiment of certain death. Sitting at the helm, Wesley displayed nothing less than alert professionalism as Will barked out orders; his hands, so electrifying on Will’s skin, never wavered as they moved over the console.

 

Although honestly, Wesley’s composure and Picard’s rescue were the only positives in an otherwise terrible day. They still couldn’t break free from the Borg ship’s tractor beam, and 18 crew members were still dead. Even the legendary Captain Picard wouldn’t have been able to fix the latter fact, but Captain Will Riker could do something about the former. He only wished someone else,  _ anyone  _ else, was at the helm, but he figured it was too late to quibble with fate.

 

“Ensign Crusher, set a collision course with the Borg cube.”

 

For the first time in the last two hellish days, Wesley hesitated. His slender fingers stilled over the helm console, and he looked to Will for confirmation of the unthinkable. In that moment, a thousand pleas and regrets flew through the charged air between them. 

 

_ You can’t mean this, Will. You wouldn’t condemn all of us, would you? _

 

_ I’m sorry; I’m sorry for this and I’m so, so sorry it’s you, but I’m sworn to do my duty. _

 

“You heard me!”

 

Wesley’s sweet face hardened in a way that nearly broke Will’s heart and his resolve. Then the youngest ensign in Starfleet, the brilliant wunderkind, the beautiful, gentle soul that Will loved, turned and prepared to steer the  _ Enterprise  _ to its death.

 

And an instant before he did, Data’s dulcet tones floated through the bridge like the voice of the Almighty declaring dispensation.  _ I successfully planted a command into the collective Borg consciousness; in effect, I put them all to sleep. _

 

The rest was just cleanup; Shelby and Worf beamed over and confirmed Data’s report, and with the  _ Enterprise  _ at a safe distance, the Borg ship self-destructed into space dust. Captain Picard was alive and safe, Shelby left soon after, and Will returned to his familiar and comfortable First Officer’s chair. But he couldn’t forget the look in Wesley’s eyes when he heard the order to ram the  _ Enterprise  _ into the Borg ship, and the worst of it was, Will didn’t know if that look conveyed disillusion or blame.

 

***

 

He didn’t expect to see Wesley that evening. Wes had ended his shift and left the Bridge without a word or a glance in Will’s direction. Will wanted to ask the computer to find him, but it was late, the entire crew was exhausted and he figured Wesley was probably already passed out in his mother’s shared quarters. As he rode the turbolift to the command officers’ deck, Will tried not to think of the empty space that would be waiting for him in his own bed. 

 

He trudged through his door and immediately stiffened. There was a distinct snuffling noise coming from his bathroom, and Will decided then and there that Data was getting a severe lecture if it was that damn cat of his again. He cautiously approached the door, then relaxed slightly before a wave of grief started creeping through his frazzled brain. Wesley sat on the floor in his black uniform slacks and undershirt, gasping and hiccuping through the tears cascading down his gorgeous, devastated face.

 

“I’m...I’m sorry, Will...I’m sorry...I didn’t mean...I’m sorry…” He rasped an apology over and over, clutching his arms and scratching deep red marks into his skin. 

 

Will couldn’t drop to his knees fast enough; he grabbed Wesley’s shoulders and shook him harder than he meant to. “Stop apologizing; stop it! And stop this.” he pulled Wesley’s hands from his slim arms and held them tightly in his own. “You’re hurting yourself, Wes; for chrissakes, stop!” Will was pleading with him now, his own misery rising and threatening to spill over.

 

Wesley moved forward and buried his face in the crook of Will’s neck, and his hands slid along Will’s arms and up to wrap around his broad shoulders. He clung to Will with surprising strength, and Will’s soothing hands found muscles that hadn’t been there a few months ago. He was maturing, his body growing and changing, but he always exuded the same awe and wonder for the universe that Will so loved in him. After the last few days, Will wondered if that would change, too.

 

“They’re monsters, Will,” Wesley choked out between sobs that wracked his slender frame and sent anguished echoes through Will’s body. “They killed our friends...entire crews...the captain...they just took him and...and turned him into one of  _ them _ .””

 

“It’s what they do, Wes. It’s horrifying, I know, but that just gives us even more reason to resist them.”

 

“You saw how easy it was for them! They destroyed half the Fleet! We’re not safe, nobody’s safe…” 

 

Will was desperate to calm Wesley’s hysteria before he lost him. He pressed his bearded cheek against Wesley’s smooth one, and whispered fervently in his ear. “We’re  _ alive,  _ Wes. We’re alive and we’re together. You were fucking  _ amazing  _ today; do you know that?”

 

Wes dropped his face onto Will’s shoulder while his slender body heaved with the effort to get himself under control. Will slipped a hand under Wes’s shirt and pressed lightly against his racing heart. Between kisses to the top of his lover’s head, Will hummed the jazz tune from their dance in the holodeck that now seemed a million years away.

 

“I almost did it, Will.” Wesley’s voice was a haggard whisper muffled against Will’s shirt. “I almost killed all of us. You. My mother. The captain. Everyone on board. Gone. Just...gone. Just like the  _ Tolstoy _ , and the  _ Melbourne _ , and…”

 

Nothing Will said was going to make this ok, but he couldn’t keep from trying. “You were doing your duty, Wes, just like everyone else. You were brilliant and steady and brave, and I can’t even tell you how much it killed me to have to give you that order.”

 

A sudden hitch caught in Wesley’s throat, and he lifted his head and looked in Will’s eyes with enough sorrow to drown both of them. “Oh, Will, I’m sorry; I’m so, so sorry.”

 

Will forced a soft smile and gently brushed his thumbs along Wesley’s damp cheeks. “Sweetheart, what could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

 

“It must have been so much worse for you. You were the captain; everything was on you.” His hazel eyes tightened with concern for the man he loved. “No one could have done better, Will.”

 

Will’s lips quirked in a sardonic grin. “Not even Shelby?”

 

Wesley gave a derisive snort. “Shelby isn’t even in your league. She was helpful, I guess, but no one would follow her, not with an attitude like that.” He eyed Will possessively. “And I hated how rude she was to you.”

 

Will moved his hand from Wesley’s heart to his back, stroking the soft skin between his shoulder blades. “Good thing I have you to defend my honor.” He pressed a tender kiss just under Wesley’s ear. “I mean it, Wes; you were incredible through all of this. I’ve never seen anyone pilot a ship the way you did under that much pressure. I know you were scared out of your mind; so was I. But you did your duty anyway.”

 

Wesley pulled away slightly and shook his head. “I don’t want that duty, Will.  _ I don’t want it _ .”

 

The thought of asking Wesley what he  _ did  _ want terrified Will more than facing down the Borg. Instead, he pulled Wesley close again and brushed his lips across his forehead. “Come to bed with me, sweetheart.” 

 

Wesley nodded, but that dark anxiety sat just behind his eyes, however calm he seemed at the moment. Will took his hand and helped him up and to the bed, both of them slipping out of their clothes as they went. Will settled heavily under the covers, but Wes couldn’t seem to get comfortable. He kept shifting restlessly in Will’s arms, until he finally climbed on top of Will and clung to him as if he were drowning.

 

“Fuck me, Will,” he begged, his voice rasping and harsh. “I need you to fuck me. Hard.” And Will did, because he needed Wes just as badly, and could never tell him no.

 

Wesley wanted it rough that night, kept begging Will to move faster, harder, pound him relentlessly into the bed. He made Will take him from behind, head down and face buried in the pillow. Normally, Wesley preferred being face-to-face, able to look in Will’s blue eyes and kiss his eager mouth, but he didn’t want that tonight. Right now, he wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and let himself be distracted by the solid pressure of Will’s body. He wanted to drown in physical sensation, so he could forget that his beautiful, wondrous universe was home to vicious creatures like the Borg, monsters from the depths of his worst nightmares.

 

Wesley lay trembling after, his skin burning under Will’s touch. Will brushed a kiss to the back of his neck and murmured, “I’ll be right back.” When he returned a moment later with a damp cloth in his hand, Wesley hadn’t moved.

  
Will’s steady hands drew the cloth along Wesley’s body, lovingly wiping away the fever of fear along with the sweat and seed. Will marveled at his lover as he worked, fingers tracing the sharp shoulder blades, the straight lines of his back, down to the slight curve of his hips and the lean muscles of his legs. When he finished and dropped the cloth on the bedside table, Will draped himself protectively over Wesley’s body. His mouth pressed into Wesley’s soft hair, telling him with every kiss,  _ I love you. I’m yours. I love you. _


	14. Hearth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things would be so much easier if Wesley would just stay on the path like a good little officer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter occurs during the episode "Family." I know Picard's recovery from the Borg attack is the center of the episode, and it's beautifully done, but I always wanted more scenes with Wes and his dad. I always thought it was strange that Wesley never asked Picard about his father, especially in the episode when they spend umpteen hours alone in a shuttle, but I guess that's where fanfiction has to fill in the gaps. 
> 
> On a related note, I always felt a little bad for Wesley, because it was always just assumed that OF COURSE he'd go into Starfleet - after all, in an expanded universe with space travel and thousands of inhabited planets, what else could someone possibly want in life? {} Seriously, the way Wes is encouraged to worship all things Starfleet is a little cult-like; it's not much of a surprise that he became entirely disillusioned with the whole thing after the Nova Squad incident.
> 
> Speaking of Nova Squad, I'm still torn on how to handle that. I would really, really love to just retcon it out and pretend it didn't happen, but I feel like that's cheating *sigh* We have a bit to go still before I have to make a decision, so for now I'll just practice active avoidance :~).
> 
> As always, comments absolutely make my day and fuel my own enthusiasm for writing - a thousand thank yous to those of you who have already commented!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek. If I did, there would be an entire spin-off series about the Stargazer, with at least 2/3 of the episodes focusing on the Crushers.

 

Chapter 14: Hearth

 

The  _ Enterprise  _ idled in space dock within Earth’s orbit, undergoing repairs and providing the crew with a much-needed break after the sobering encounter with the Borg. With the captain in LaBarre, Will was technically in charge, but was left with nothing to do after finishing some paperwork that seemed far less important after losing 18 crew members. 

 

Wesley had planned to join some friends on a ski trip to Denali, and despite the ensign’s fervent pleading, Will had begged off. Alaska reminded him unpleasantly of his father and associated baggage, and besides, Will argued, the other young adults may not appreciate an authority figure tagging along. After a brief pout that Will kissed away, Wes had gone to his mother’s quarters to pack, and Will had started missing him before his own door slid shut.

 

As he wandered moodily through the corridors several hours later, Will was quite surprised to see Wesley, still in his uniform and very much not on Earth, walking slowly away from Holodeck 1. He was so deep in thought that he practically tripped into Will’s waiting arms before looking up in surprise.

 

“Oh, hi Will.” 

 

“Hi yourself. What are you doing on board? I thought the ski group left for Alaska hours ago.”

 

Wes hesitated and glanced down at his hands, where Will noticed him toying with a holochip. “Um, yeah, they did.”

 

Will waited for him to elaborate, and grew worried when he didn’t. “Wes?” he prompted, but Wesley wasn’t even looking at him. Very gently, Will cupped his soft cheek in one hand, running his thumb lightly over Wesley’s plump bottom lip. “What happened?”

 

Wesley suddenly shook himself and pressed a quick kiss to Will’s palm before glancing hastily around the deserted corridor. “Nothing bad,” he assured the older man. “Want to go to Ten Forward? I could use some ice cream, and we can talk. It should be pretty empty with everyone on break.”

 

Will fell into step beside him, and was relieved when they got to Ten Forward and Wesley’s prediction proved accurate. Guinan handed over a bourbon for Will and some decadent frozen chocolate thing for Wes, and they made their way to a table closest to the large windows. Wesley eyed Will’s drink with distaste. 

 

“That’s not a snack, Will.” He held up a spoonful of his dessert and waved it enticingly in front of Will’s face. “Want some?”

 

_ Only if I can lick it off you  _ almost escaped Will’s mouth, but Wes still seemed a bit distracted and Will wanted to know why he had cancelled his ski trip, so he kept his comments on the appropriate side. Barely. “No thanks; I’d rather have my treat later, especially if you’re sticking around,” he replied, and enjoyed the rosy blush that spread across Wesley’s cheeks.

 

They sat in silence while Wes ate his ice cream and absent-mindedly spun the holochip on the table. His gaze wandered to the stars outside the window, while Will sipped his bourbon and memorized the soft lines of Wesley’s face. Will wanted to freeze that moment, to stop time in its tracks and keep Wes close enough to touch forever. But that wasn’t in his power, so instead he laid a hand gently over Wesley’s and stilled the spinning chip.

 

“What do you have there, sweetheart?”

 

Wes turned from the window to look down at their joined hands, then lifted his head to meet Will’s adoring gaze. When his hazel eyes caught Will’s blue ones, Will read depths of maturity there that could only be caused by pain, and he hated that he couldn’t shield Wesley from ever being hurt.

 

“It’s a message from my father,” Wesley murmured. “Mom gave it to me when I went to go pack for the ski trip.” 

 

Will knew he had no right to dictate anything regarding the Crusher family, but he was annoyed with Beverly all the same. Wesley’s father had been gone for well over a decade; couldn’t this have waited until Wes got back?

 

His voice was carefully neutral as he inquired, “What’s it say?” When Wes glanced at him with his brow slightly furrowed, Will amended, “I mean, it’s fine if it’s private. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it, that’s all.” He finished with a casual shrug meant to convey his complete indifference on the matter. 

 

Wesley wasn’t fooled, but instead of an answer he asked, “Have you ever seen a picture of my dad, Will?”

 

At Will’s head shake, Wesley pressed an invisible button on the side of the holochip, and an image of Commander Jack Crusher, First Officer of the USS Stargazer, sprang into view. Will carefully took the chip from Wesley’s hands and held it closer to get a good look. The image was small, but Will could definitely see the resemblance. He had been a handsome man, tall and well-built; Wes had inherited his father’s clear, wide-eyed gaze and kind, open expression. The holo-image of Jack Crusher betrayed a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that Will rarely saw in Wes anymore; it made him realize how much he missed it. He handed the chip back with a soft smile. “You look like him, Wes.”

 

Wesley beamed at him. “You think so? Mom used to keep pictures of him around, but I guess after we came on board she never unpacked them.” His sweet face turned wistful. “I wish I could remember him more clearly. I should have paid more attention when he was with us.”

 

Will stroked the back of Wesley’s hand where it rested on the table. “You were so little, Wes. No child wants to think their parent may not always be there. I’m sure you remember some special things about him.”

 

Wesley looked thoughtful, and Will took it as a good sign that the conversation didn’t seem too distressing to him. In fact, an amused smile was playing at his soft mouth, and he looked slyly at Will. “You know, I do remember him joking about the captain a couple of times. I probably wasn’t supposed to hear it, but I always tried to listen in on my parents’ conversations.”

 

Will grinned back at him. “Oh really? And what did you hear, exactly?”

 

“Well...Dad called the captain ‘Johnny’ when he wasn’t on duty. And he used to say the  _ Stargazer  _ didn’t need internal lighting because the starlight would just bounce off the captain’s head.”

 

Will laughed, and Wesley’s eyes were bright with his father’s playful spark. “I’ll bet the captain loved that.”

 

Wes shrugged. “They were good friends, so I don’t think he minded that much. Although, Mom used to say she didn’t know how the captain put up with him and Commander Keel on the same ship.”

 

Their shared mirth dying away, Wes lapsed into that faraway silence again. Will found he actually wanted to hear more; he’d never had such a lengthy conversation with Wesley about his father before. 

 

After a beat, he asked quietly, “What else do you remember about him?”

 

Wes’ tender smile almost masked his childhood grief. “He was away a lot, but when he was home he spoiled me rotten. One time, he promised he would let me sit at the  _ Stargazer _ ’s helm the next time they docked, and Mom said the captain would never allow it. Dad just laughed and said, ‘Aw, Bev, you know Johnny has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.’”

 

Will nearly spit out his sip of bourbon at the unexpected punchline, and his regard for Jack Crusher rose a few notches. “He sounds like a fun guy, Wes. I wish I’d known him.”

 

“Me too,” Wes quietly agreed, and turned to watch the stars again. “His message said...he talked about Starfleet. About how much it meant to him. And he said maybe someday it would mean that for me, too.” He looked down at his own uniform as if seeing it for the first time. “I’m not sure I feel that way about it, Will, but I’m glad...I’m glad I’m doing what he would have wanted.”

 

Will’s eyes closed briefly, and he felt the familiar, disconcerting conflict between what he wanted and what he knew Wes needed. So much simpler, he thought, if Wesley would just keep to his career path. Sure, Will would eventually lose him to the Academy, but after a few short years he’d be back. He’d work his way up the ranks, dazzling everyone with his prodigious brilliance, and when Will eventually took his own command, Wesley would be the very first officer on his roster. They would be together, always, and Wesley would stay right where Will could keep him, close and safe.

 

And then Will blinked, and his pretty fantasy dissolved into fairy dust. Wesley was still staring out the window, and Will’s heart ached at the sadness buried in his eyes. “Wes, I think your dad would want you to be happy. No matter what you end up doing.” Wesley looked at him and Will shoved away the last of his own selfish longing. “Anyone who loves you would feel that way.”  _ I feel that way, a thousand times over, even though it kills me. _

 

Wesley took a breath, and visibly shook away the solemn mood that had settled over them. “He did say he loved me. That was really nice to hear.” He smiled and took one of Will’s large hands in his smaller ones. “I think he would have liked you, Will. Especially because you love me.”

 

“Yes I do.” Will slid his chair closer to Wes, heedless of the few other patrons in the room. 

 

Wesley smiled tenderly at him, but then his expression became tense and his slim hands tightened around Will’s fingers. “I’m re-submitting my Academy application this week. I don’t know how it’ll go this time.”

 

“How do you want it to go, Wes?” Will could read Wesley’s confusion in the darkening green of his eyes, and he knew Wes hated even considering such a question. “You do want to go to the Academy, don’t you?”

 

Wesley’s gaze flicked briefly toward the windows before he lifted his chin and gave Will a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. His voice came out deeper than Will expected, roughened by his warring emotions. “Sure, Will. Of course I do.” He struggled to keep the bitterness out of his tone, but Will loved him too deeply to miss it. “Why would I keep trying so hard to get in if I didn’t want to go?”

 

Will could think of a hundred reasons why, and none of them had anything to do with what Wesley wanted for himself.  _ Because your mother expects you to. Because the captain demands it. Because your dead father reached across time and encouraged it. Because you’ve been told your entire life that the best use of your genius is in service to Starfleet. _

 

He leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Wesley’s forehead, then brushed his lips downward. “I want you to be happy with whatever happens, Wes. You know that, don’t you?”

 

“I know.” Wesley searched Will’s face and seemed satisfied with what he found there, and Will was relieved to see the clouds clearing from his sweet face. Wes brushed a hand gently along Will’s bearded cheek. “It’ll be ok. We’ll make it work, right?”

 

“Of course,” Will answered with more confidence than he felt. “Do I make you happy, Wes?”

 

Wesley’s raised eyebrow told Will how ridiculous  _ that  _ question was. “Yes.” He planted a firm kiss on Will’s waiting lips. “I love you, Will.”

 

Will returned the kiss with more enthusiasm than was strictly appropriate for the middle of Ten Forward. “Love you back.”


	15. Seethe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't let the baby face fool you; anyone who can play with space-time like Wes does is someone to be reckoned with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always liked the Season 4 episode "Remember Me," until the very end. Wesley literally COLLAPSES ON THE FLOOR saving his mother from the warp bubble, and his mother just hugs Picard and says thanks to the Traveler. Then she just stands there while he pulls himself up and drags himself over to her. As with most Wes-centric storylines, his ability to MANIPULATE SPACE AND TIME were never referred to again until they needed a convenient way to get him off the show for good. (Can you tell I have a lot of bitterness bottled up over this episode?) Anyway, I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, Wesley-as-a-Traveler would have been a MUCH bigger deal.
> 
> I would like to sincerely thank everyone who has read this monster so far, especially those of you who have commented. Your comments inspire me, motivate me, breathe life into my little slice of fanfiction, and occasionally, shove me out of my comfort zone (for better or worse). Thank you!

Chapter 15: Seethe

 

Will was thankful he had been left in command of the bridge while Wesley and the Traveler did...whatever it was they did to get Dr. Crusher back. Will heard the whole story from Geordi after the fact, and his face darkened considerably when Geordi got to the part where Wesley collapsed on the engineering console as soon as his mother was safe. 

 

In the Conference Room earlier, Will had voiced his intense opposition to this plan, but Wesley didn’t even bother acknowledging his concerns. The moment the Traveler appeared and announced that he could help, Wes wouldn’t hear anything else. Will stopped him on his way out of the meeting and tried to talk sense into him, but he could tell it was pointless by the resolute look in Wesley’s eyes.

 

“Wes, listen to me, please…”

 

Wesley stared at him with unwavering determination. “No, Will. This is the only way to get her back. I can do this.” He gazed over Will’s shoulder where the Traveler had disappeared down the hallway, then continued in a reverent whisper, “He’s going to help me.”

 

Will gripped Wesley’s upper arms and tried to hide the panic in his voice. “You don’t know what this will do to you, Wesley. There has to be another way.” 

 

“There isn’t. We’re wasting time; let me go.”

 

Will stared at the young man he loved with everything in him, and was surprised to hear his own voice breaking with his final entreaty. “Please, Wesley,  _ please.” _

 

Wesley reached up and held Will’s face in his gentle hands, then stood on tiptoe and pressed an ardent kiss to his lips. He pulled back and fixed Will with a confident look. “I’m going to save my mother, whatever it takes.” His determination wavered, and Will heard the repressed agony in his next words. “I won’t be able to live with myself if I lose her, Will. Now please, let me go.”

 

He pried himself away from Will’s grasp and took off for Engineering, and Will watched him go with a sickening mixture of loss and regret.  _ I should have forbidden him to go, I should have confined him to his quarters, I should have told him I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, I should have I should have I should have... _

 

And the Traveler. The goddamn Traveler, who filled Wesley’s head with the nonsense that all of this was destiny, that he was meant for something greater than sitting at the helm and dutifully following orders. And the bitch of it was, Will knew that was true. Well, maybe not the destiny part - Will’s entire being rebelled at the thought of being only a pawn in some grand plan - but Wesley was as brilliant as a star and could be even more powerful, and that terrified Will beyond thought.

 

Wes threw himself into the task of getting his mother back, and while Will feared what would happen if they couldn’t do it, he was even more of afraid of the effect on Wesley if they  _ could _ .

 

Now, Dr. Crusher was safe and the Traveler was gone, but Will’s worry and fear hadn’t lessened. Wes was in Will’s bathroom, splashing water on his face with the door open, and Will was just on the other side of the threshold, giving him holy hell. “You could have  _ died _ ; what were you thinking?! This Traveler can move space-time with his thoughts and somehow needed to put  _ you  _ in danger?!”

 

Wesley stood at Will’s sink and sighed wearily as he started stripping off his uniform tunic. “Will,  _ calm down _ . I wasn’t in any danger. It just took a lot of exertion, that’s all.”

 

Will was not mollified. “That’s  _ all?  _ Just a little exertion, huh? Just enough to make you pass out? To make you  _ phase  _ out? Was it really that important that you be involved?”

 

Wesley stopped pulling off his socks to straighten up and glare at Will. Instead of feeling bad for yelling, Will was actually relieved to see some sharp emotion from him, rather than that blissful reverence that colored his features whenever he was thinking about some metagalactic concept that Will could never grasp. Right now, Wesley was quickly approaching fury, and Will didn’t even care that it was directed at him. 

 

“It was important that we  _ get my mother back _ . And we  _ did.  _ So I don’t care what kind of danger I was in or what you think about it.” He stopped and put a steadying hand on the edge of the sink, making Will feel like shit for exhausting him even further. “I would have done anything to save her, Will. I’d do the same for you.”

 

The weight of the day was pressing on both of them, and staring at Wesley standing in front of him, matching the intensity of his gaze, made Will want to fall at his lover’s feet and beg him to never leave his side. Instead, he took a deep, calming breath and moved close enough to hold Wesley’s face in his hands, tensing at the dark shadows marring Wes’ wide eyes.

 

“I know you would,” he murmured. “And I’d be furious, because I never want you in danger, even for me. Especially for me.”

 

“I really wasn’t in any danger, Will.” At Will’s stormy look, Wes amended, “ At least, not  _ that  _ much. And anyway, it was worth it.” His eyes, although shadowed with exhaustion, sparkled green and gold, and Will was certain he saw galaxies spinning there. “I  _ touched  _ space-time, Will. It was like a...a...boundary, and I thought it was solid, but it’s  _ not _ . Oh, Will, all I had to do was reach out, and it was just waiting for me to walk right through.”

 

Will wished Wes would stop; he couldn’t understand his lover’s fanatic devotion to the mysteries of the universe, and he was highly resentful of the alien that seemed determined to awaken Wesley’s power with no regard for his safety.  _ If the Travelers want Wesley that badly, they’ll have to go through me.  _ As soon as he thought it, Will knew it would never come to that, because he knew that given the chance to join the Travelers, Wesley would go with them willingly.

 

Thankfully, he wasn’t going anywhere today. Wesley leaned heavily against Will’s broad chest, and when he spoke it was a haggard whisper. “I’m so tired, Will. I’m going to shower, then sleep.”

 

Will chuckled ruefully as Wes tried to move and only managed to sway against him. He pressed his lips to Wesley’s forehead and said, in a voice that brooked no argument, “I’ll help you. Just lean on me.”

 

Wesley nodded, and Will gently maneuvered Wesley against the sink so he could help him out of his black t-shirt. Ignoring the flare in his own body at touching Wesley’s bare skin, Will focused on helping him out of his uniform slacks and then getting his other sock off. Wesley’s head stayed bowed the entire time, his eyes falling closed and blinking open in quick succession. Will kept one hand on Wesley’s shoulder as he struggled out of his own clothes, then used the voice command to turn the water on. Correctly figuring that Wesley was too exhausted to fight him, Will put a hand on his back and steered him to the shower.

 

He guided Wesley as gently as he could onto the tile floor, seating himself against the wall so Wes was reclined in his lap. Will’s strong hands kneaded Wesley’s tight muscles as he ran soap over his skin, murmuring love and hope and devotion in his ear. Wesley reached up and back to stroke Will’s bearded face, and in a sudden burst of energy pulled Will’s mouth down to meet his, tasting and sucking and licking, desperate for Will’s strong solid presence to ground him and remind him what was real.

 

Will took a breath just long enough to admonish, “You need to rest, Wesley.”

 

Wesley turned in Will’s arms and mouthed at the column of his throat, his slender arms tightening around Will’s shoulders. “Hold on to me, Will.”

 

Will pulled him as close as he could and wrapped his strong arms around him. Wesley’s mouth came up to meet his, and they breathed together while the water rained down on them. Will could feel Wesley’s body trembling through their tight embrace as he whispered soothingly, “I’m here, Wes. I’m always here and I’m always yours.” Will buried his face in the crook of Wesley’s neck, grateful for the falling water that masked his tears. “I’ll hold on as long as you’ll let me.” 

 

Wes ordered the water to turn off, and they sat wrapped around each other until it got uncomfortably cold. Even then, Will wouldn’t move until Wes laughed softly and murmured, “I’m going to fall asleep here, Will. Let’s go to bed.”

 

They stood carefully together on the slippery tile, and as tired as he was, Wesley grabbed two towels and dried them both off. Then he took Will’s hand and led him to the bed. Will’s dismay must have still shown in his face, because Wes straddled him and leaned down, staring into Will’s blue eyes. “It felt so...natural to play with space like that. I wish I could share that feeling with you, Will.” He paused, and Will looked up and saw a gorgeous, brilliant man just coming into his power. Wes stroked his hands down Will’s face and through his chest hair, brushing over his stomach and stopping at his cock. “I want you, Will. Right now.”

 

Will could barely think straight with Wesley’s wandering hands. “I thought you were tired.”

 

“I’m exhausted, but I can sleep later. I want to be inside you now.” Wes reached over to the bedside table and opened the lube, dipping the fingers of his left hand in to coat them. Then he slid down Will’s body, kissing and nuzzling his way between Will’s long legs. When one slick finger slipped inside his body, Will threw his head back and pushed into his lover’s touch. A low moan fell from his lips as Wes pressed another finger in, then another.

 

With considerable effort, Will reached over and grabbed the lube, tugging lightly on Wesley’s hair to get him to move up. Wes’ soft fingers traced the muscles in Will’s chest as Will coated his cock. When Will finished, Wes held tightly to Will’s hip with one hand and guided himself inside with the other.

 

“I love you, Will,” Wes breathed as he carefully buried himself.

 

Will gripped the back of his lover’s neck and pulled him down into a rough kiss. “Love you back, sweetheart. Now,  _ move _ .”

 

Wes pulled back with a grin and braced himself against Will’s broad chest. His slender hips started a slow, deliberate rhythm, broken only when he would lean down to cover Will’s mouth with his own. Will stroked himself while his eyes roamed over Wesley’s body, noticing the changes in him and loving each and every one. 

 

Wes climaxed first, then covered Will’s hand with his own and helped him along while he pressed soft kisses to Will’s lips. Before long, Wes’ exhaustion finally caught up to him; Will watched adoringly as his long eyelashes fluttered closed, then wrapped himself around his lover and shut his own eyes. As they clung to each other in sleep, Wesley dreamt of galaxies being born, while Will’s dreams were filled with burning stars.


	16. Illuminate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley finally gets into the Academy, so he should be thrilled, right? Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm such a wimp about Wesley leaving that I split the "Final Mission" episode into two chapters just to drag it out a little longer. I'm also trying to sneak in a bit of Wesley's thoughts; I really want to show more of his POV as the story progresses. Once again, I'd like to give my fervent thanks to anyone reading this, and I wish a thousand starry nights to those of you who have commented. Your comments are unbelievably inspiring, and I promise I can take constructive criticism :~).
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, the TNG writers would have given Wes a lot more storylines and character development, so that Wil Wheaton wouldn't have wanted out so badly.

Chapter 16: Illuminate 

 

Wesley paced around his room, alternately staring out the window and rearranging the survey equipment in his travel bag for the mission to Pentarus V. On his neatly-made bed sat another, larger suitcase, already packed and waiting to be carted off to the Academy. He had waited so long and worked so hard for this, but now that it was here, he found himself in a foul mood. Running a hand through his auburn hair, Wes couldn’t shake the sense that he was trapped. From here on out his future was set, so he had better be sure of it.  _ But I’m not,  _ he thought miserably.  _ I’m not sure of anything, and it’s too late to run away. _

 

He started when the door chime sounded, but relaxed a bit when Will walked through the door, dressed in workout clothes and a light jacket. Wes quickly crossed the room, wrapped his arms around Will’s neck and wouldn’t let go.

 

Will ran one hand gently over Wesley’s hair and tried to fake a cheerful tone, but it came out as gruff denial. “The captain interrupted my training program to tell me the good news. We knew this was coming, didn’t we? It’s lucky a spot opened up; now you don’t have to wait until the new term starts.” Will’s voice dropped to a sincere whisper. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”

 

Wesley kept his face buried in Will’s uniform tunic. “I know I should be proud, Will, but I’m not. I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I’m scared of...of what this means.”

 

“You mean with the mission, or the Academy?”

 

Wes pushed away from Will in his frustration and started pacing the room again. “All of it! The mission, the Academy, my career, us…” He stopped and stared longingly at Will, silently begging him to help make sense of the rapid changes he was facing.  _ Warp equations and space-time singularity theory are so much simpler than this. _

 

Will approached him and put calming hands on his narrow shoulders. He knew Wes had doubts about the Academy, but Will couldn’t tolerate him questioning what they meant to each other. “You’re going to do a great job on the mission, and you’re going to be spectacular at school. And I’m going to love you and miss you every second of every day until we’re together again.” He leaned down and gave Wes a gentle kiss. “I’ll be here waiting for you. This is what you’re meant to do, Wes.”

 

Wes turned to face the window, where Pentarus V rotated on its crooked axis and the pinpricks of stars twinkled in the distance. Will stood behind him, wrapping his arms around the man he loved and breathing in the dessert-scent from Wesley’s hair. Wes leaned into him and laced their fingers together. “The stars won’t look the same from Earth.” He sighed heavily, his voice heavy with anxiety and doubt. “I don’t want to leave, Will. I love the ship and I love you.”

 

“I know, Wes. But it really is the logical next step for you. There’s no better place for someone training to be an officer.”

 

Wesley’s fingers tightened in Will’s grasp, and he huffed out a resigned sigh. “Yeah, I know. And I did know it was coming; it’s what I’ve been working for, right?” He cleared his throat of any lingering bitterness and turned back to Will with a carefully neutral expression. “I’ve been preparing to go since I re-applied.” He nodded toward the suitcase sitting on his hospital-cornered bed, and then his face lit up as he suddenly remembered something. “I almost forgot, I made you a going-away gift - even though it’s me who’s going away.”

 

Will followed as Wes went to sit on the bed. He reached into his bedside drawer and handed Will a golf ball-sized sphere that was flattened on the bottom so it could sit on a surface without rolling away. Other than that small indent, its smooth, shiny black surface was unadorned. Will gave Wes a questioning look.

 

“Thanks, Wes, but...what is it?”

 

Wes grinned at him, anticipation making his eyes sparkle. “Press on the flat part, then put it down on the table.”

 

Will did so, and a moment later the room was alight with a holographic rendering of the Milky Way galaxy. Will stared open-mouthed at the tiny planets and stars that appeared to be floating around his quarters. He hardly knew where to focus his gaze; the sight filled him with such awe that, for a moment, he thought he knew how Wesley felt when he looked at the stars.

 

Beside him, Wes lifted his hand and spoke in a reverent murmur. “There’s Earth, over there, where I’ll be,” and he indicated a blue orb that glowed brighter than the rest, “and the  _ Enterprise  _ is...here.” He pointed to a segment of space surrounding them, and Will smiled delightedly when he recognized a miniature model of the flagship floating serenely in mid-air. Wesley looked down and slipped his hand into Will’s. “I tied it to the ship’s navigation system, so the location is accurate. This way you’ll always be able to find us, even when I’m not here.”

 

He fell silent, and laid his head on Will’s broad shoulder. Will wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head. “I love it, Wes. Thank you.” He felt a hitch rising in his throat and swallowed hard, then regretfully let Wes go to reach into his pocket. He pulled out a narrow box and placed it in Wes’ lap. “I’m glad I planned ahead, too. Go on; open it.”

 

Inside the small box was a clasped leather band inlaid with an older-style Starfleet insignia. Wes ran his fingers lightly across the cool metal and looked tenderly at Will.

 

Will rubbed a hand gently across Wesley’s back. “The insignia’s from my first communicator when I was an ensign.” He cleared his throat and tried to fake a smile. “You don’t have to wear it; it’s against the Academy dress code anyway. I just...I wanted you to have a piece of me while we’re apart.”

 

Wesley picked up the band and slipped it over his wrist, then held his arm out for Will to fasten the clasp. “It’s beautiful, Will. But you know I don’t need it to keep a piece of you.” He pressed a hand to Will’s uniform tunic, just over his heart. Will took the hand from his chest and kissed Wesley’s palm, then nuzzled his face against it. Wes wrapped his free arm around Will’s shoulder and whispered soothingly, “You’re always with me, Will, even when we’re not together. I know you love me no matter how far apart we are. And I love you back.”

 

Will slipped a hand to the back of Wesley’s neck and touched their foreheads together. “You’ll have the time of your life at the Academy, Wes. And you’re going to make an amazing officer.”

 

Wesley stayed silent, his eyes filled with doubt. Will kissed the tip of his nose and brushed their mouths together, but was prevented from going further when the comm system chirped and Data’s voice floated into the room.  _ Ensign Crusher, please report to Captain Picard in Cargo Bay 3. _

 

Wes squeezed Will’s hand and tapped his communicator. “Acknowledged.” He brushed a quick kiss to Will’s cheek and headed for the door.

 

Will picked up the smaller bag on the bed and held it out. “Hey, you might need this.” Wes took it with a rueful smile, and Will chucked him under the chin. “Have fun with the miners. You’ll learn a ton watching the captain in action.”

 

Wesley snorted. “Right. Contract negotiations are  _ so  _ fun. The only reason the captain asked me to go is because I’m leaving for Earth soon.” He stopped and looked sheepishly at Will. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m just grouchy, and I’d rather be here finishing up some projects than dealing with miners on Pentarus V. But I’ll get over it; I’ll try to learn something down there.”

 

“Be careful. I don’t want to have to fight the entire mining contingent if something happens to you.”

 

Wes stuck his tongue out at Will, briefly erasing the solemn maturity he had gained lately. “I can fight my own battles, Will. I’ll be fine.”

 

As he strode out of the room, Will’s heart swelled with pride, and perhaps a tiny bit of satisfaction. Wesley already had the intelligence and experience he needed to become a full-fledged officer. His career was well on its way, and Will could conveniently ignore the small voice that said maybe, just maybe, the Academy wasn’t what he really wanted. Everything was falling neatly into place, if only Wes would keep his eyes on the right path.


	17. Stardust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will gets Wesley back, only to lose him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is - Wesley's off to the Academy. I know I keep saying I want to include more of his POV; I promise I'm working on it! My sincere appreciation to everyone keeping up with this story, and very special happy thoughts to those readers who have commented. It's impossible to overstate how much your comments motivate and inspire me!
> 
> There are rumors floating around that Star Trek: Discovery might get picked up by Netflix. If I owned Star Trek, it would already be a done deal (with Wesley guest-starring - I mean, he IS a Traveler; make it happen, CBS!).

 

Chapter 17: Stardust

 

The next time Will saw him, Wesley was sunburned, dehydrated and covered in a layer of grime. Will had spent the last two days in a terrified panic, thinking Wes and the captain could be dead. On duty, he was stern and collected, while inside his heart cracked and his arms felt tired and empty. Wesley’s sweet face floated just behind his eyes, and more than once Will could have sworn he heard his lover’s voice.

 

Passing Dr. Crusher on her way into Sickbay, Will glimpsed the heartache threatening to spill from her eyes, and thought it might be a good time to commiserate. He was wrong.

 

“I’ve filed my report on the radiation danger to Gamelan V, Commander. Was there anything else you needed?” Will flinched at the accusation underlying her words; if he hadn’t insisted on towing away the irradiated ship in Gamelan V’s orbit, they  would already be searching for Wes and the captain, instead of making up for lost time. She could have saved her bitterness; Will kept plenty of blame for himself.

 

He held his palms out in a conciliatory gesture. “Beverly, we won’t quit until we find them.” He was unsure how much she knew about him and her son. Wes had told Will he had never explicitly discussed things with her, but heaven knew they spent enough time together, and when Wes didn’t go home for the night, Beverly could easily locate him using the computer. Still, Will chose his words carefully. “I...I care for him, Bev, more than anything.”

 

The quiet fury in Beverly’s tone made Will want to flee Sickbay and hide in his quarters until Wes was back safely. “‘ _Care for him_ ’? Do you think I don’t know my own son, Commander?” She met Will’s shocked blue eyes and clenched her fists inside her smock pockets. “ _Do not_ make the mistake of thinking you have some superior claim over his heart.” Her voice hit the edge of breaking before she walked it back. “I’ve loved him much longer than you have, Will.”

 

Having said her piece, she turned her back on him and started packing portable instruments into an emergency bag. Will ran a palm over his beard, and when he opened his mouth, his voice came out in a quiet apology. “I didn’t mean to overstep, Bev. I just...I want him back.” He gave a short, rueful laugh. “And then I want to lock him in a room and post a guard at the door so he never gets hurt. But that wouldn’t be fair to him, would it?”

 

Beverly stopped packing and pressed her hands to the tabletop. “I would love to do that. But no, it wouldn’t be fair, and he’d be miserable. I just want him to be happy.” She turned to face Will with a bit more warmth in her eyes. “You make him happy, Will. Please, _find him._ And the captain. And get them back here safely.”

 

Now, after the terror of finding the crashed shuttle and an exhausting search over scorching sand, Wes and the captain were home. Will stood in Sickbay while Dr. Crusher reported on the captain’s condition, but he only had eyes for Wesley hovering in the doorway to the CMO’s quarters. Beverly was exhausted and emotionally spent; her patience and goodwill were gone.

 

“Wesley, I told you half an hour ago to go clean up and get into bed! You need to rest; don’t think I won’t sedate you!”

 

“And I told _you,_ I’m fine,” Wes shot back, arms crossed and mouth set at an obstinate angle. Will bit back a laugh as he pictured 5-year-old Wesley defying his mother in exactly the same way. With the exception of her son, Beverly Crusher could intimidate anyone on the ship; in this instance only, Will was glad Wes was in her line of fire instead of himself.

 

Wes caught his suppressed grin and smirked back at him, and Beverly threw her hands up at both of them. “For heaven’s sake, Will, make him go to bed! I don’t care where; take him to your quarters if that’s what he wants.”

 

Wes immediately turned and quick-stepped out of his mother’s realm, while Will followed, trying to contain his relieved laughter. Wes grinned at him as the turbolift doors closed. “Think she’s pissed?”

 

Will brushed a strand of dust-caked hair away from Wes’ forehead. “I think you’re the only officer on board who can cross the good doctor and live to tell about it.” He took a breath and his eyes softened. “Cut her some slack, Wes. She thought she lost you. And so did I.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Wes looked down at his dusty hands. “It sucked being stranded on that planet, Will. I was sure the captain...I didn’t think I’d be able to save him, even if I _could_ get to the fountain.”

 

“You did save him,” Will said reverently, placing his fingers under Wesley’s chin and gently nudging his dirt-streaked face up to look in Will’s eyes. “He would have died if it weren’t for you, Wes. I don’t know what I...what the ship’s going to do without you.”

 

Wesley stepped away from Will to lean his head back against the lift wall. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hands clenched at his sides. “When the captain was still conscious, he talked a lot about the Academy. He told me I’m supposed to make friends with...with the groundskeeper, Boothby.” His hazel eyes opened slightly to peer at Will. “Do you know this guy?”

 

Will shook his head. “Sounds familiar, but I didn’t know him well. What other advice did he give you?”

 

“He said he was proud of me, and that he envied me being at the beginning of my adventure.” His brow creased and concern clouded his face. “I’m glad to know I’ve made him proud, Will. I hope...I hope I can keep it up at the Academy.”

 

Will brushed a hand along Wesley’s dusty cheek. “Don’t worry about making anyone proud, Wes. You just need to do what’s best for you.”

 

Wesley gave him a look that clearly said _Easy for you to say_ , but he stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to Will’s floor. When they entered the First Officer’s quarters, Wesley held off Will’s embrace. “I’m filthy, Will. Let me get in the shower and wash up.” He gave Will a fleeting kiss and headed for the bathroom. “Then you can join me,” he added over his shoulder.

 

Will waited outside the shower for three minutes and thirteen seconds before he slipped in and wrapped Wes in his arms. Wesley immediately attacked him, shoving him against the slippery wall and pressing his mouth and hands anywhere he could reach. Eventually they stumbled out of the shower, only to continue devouring each other against the vanity, then on Will’s desk, on the couch and over the dining table. They ended up in bed only after Will’s arms grew tired from holding Wes up against the window, where a local star appeared closer than it was.

 

~

 

Will didn’t know what woke him in the middle of the night until he realized the other side of the bed was empty. He pushed groggily up on his forearms and scanned the room until he found what he was looking for. Wesley sat on the floor, naked except for a blanket draped loosely over his shoulders, gazing at the supernova through the window. His deep auburn hair, usually slicked into an impeccable part, fell softly over his forehead. Will watched in awe as Wesley’s bare chest rose and fell to the rhythm of the pulsing star outside, and knew he was witnessing something sacred.

 

“Isn’t it beautiful, Will?” Will could hear the mature tones in the low whisper, and felt his skin humming at the sound. Slipping out of bed, Will joined Wesley on the floor, and Wesley dropped the blanket from around his body, inviting Will in.

 

“Very beautiful,” Will agreed, although he was hardly talking about the star. Facing him on the floor, Will pulled Wesley gently onto his own crossed legs. Wesley settled there, tilting his chin forward to rest on Will’s shoulder. Will pressed worshipful kisses to Wesley’s pale skin, letting his hands roam where they would, and felt Wesley’s gaze still lingering on the dying star over his shoulder.

 

“I wish…” Wesley began, then trailed off in a breathless moan as Will’s hands stroked the soft skin of his lower back and Will’s mouth found the edge of his collarbone.

 

“What do you wish?” Will murmured into the hollow of Wesley’s throat.

 

Wesley lifted his head to indicate the miraculous sight beyond the window, a star in its gorgeous death throes. “I wish I could get closer to it, you know? Close enough to touch it.”

 

Will’s hands stopped roving and his arms tightened around Wesley’s waist, perhaps to keep Wesley from shattering the force field-enforced window and escaping the confines of Will’s lap, his quarters, the ship, Starfleet. A shiver of dread ran through him at the thought that he couldn’t keep Wesley safe there forever, quickly followed by guilt that he would ever want to hold him back. He wouldn’t burden Wesley with that struggle, and for all that he was second in command of the Fleet’s flagship, Will couldn’t begin to grasp Wesley’s enthrallment with the stars. In his heart, Will knew that Wesley was made of stardust, and nothing as small as a man or a ship or a fleet or a federation could hold him for long.

 

His hands moved lower to grip the sides of Wesley’s slender hips. “Keep watching the star,” he breathed in Wesley’s ear. “And hold onto me.”

 

Wesley finally tore his eyes away from the window, if only long enough to favor Will with a gentle smile. He shifted in Will’s lap, lifting just enough for Will to guide himself inside, still slick from their earlier exertions. Wesley’s deceptively strong hands kneaded Will’s neck and shoulders as he moved. Will rested his forehead against Wesley’s chest, trying to catch his heartbeat and marveling at every gasp and moan.

 

Wesley’s hands slipped up into Will’s hair, gently but insistently tugging his head back. Cradling Will’s bearded face in his hands, Wesley leaned forward and pressed their lips together, then urged his tongue inside Will’s mouth. He always made love as if he couldn’t get close enough to Will, as if the rhythm of their bodies and touch of their hands and intermingling of their breath were barely enough to satisfy him. While Will tended to be more vocal in bed, Wesley usually kept quiet until just before the end, and Will lived to hear his own name in that desperate, pleading litany.

 

_Willwillwillwill...please...Will...more..please...oh god...please Will…_

 

Nearly lost in his own ecstasy, Will gasped reckless promises that he knew bound him more than any solemn oath. “I’d do anything for you, Wes, anything you want. I’ll always protect you. Always. Oh sweetheart, tell me what you need. Just tell me.”

 

Wesley’s answering vow was swallowed up in his final cries, his hips pushing down on Will’s cock one more time before collapsing in his arms. Will laid Wesley gently on the floor, and finally let himself go. He thrust hard and sure into Wesley’s body, drinking in his young lover’s panting breath until he spilled inside with a final gasp.

 

Wesley’s hands skimmed over Will’s sweat-covered skin, his neck arching up so he could lick beads of moisture from Will’s throat. Will lowered himself carefully on top of Wes, wrapping his arms around him and holding onto him for dear life. Wesley’s fingers traced the muscles in his back, dancing along the line of his spine up toward his broad shoulders. He stroked through Will’s hair and murmured tenderly, “I love you, Will. I love you so much,” and Will didn’t know why, but his chest suddenly clenched with an unbearable ache.

 

~

  
After Wesley left for the Academy the next morning, Will returned to his quarters, activated the holographic galaxy, and lay down on the floor while stars and planets danced around him. His eyes kept drawing an invisible line between the _Enterprise_ and the path of Wesley’s shuttle, while his heart sent a million _I love you_ s after him.


	18. Dark Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley's vacation isn't quite the homecoming he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on the episode "The Game," which is just ridiculous, sci-fi fun :~). I actually think Wesley and Robin are adorable together, but I didn't want her getting between him and Will, so she's MIA here. I split this part into two chapters; the next chapter will deal with the aftermath of the Game. And for Carrie, while I loved the Jeffries tube seduction idea, I kept imagining it getting cramped in there. Hopefully, the next chapter will make up for it! 
> 
> A hundred million thanks, as always, to those of you taking time out of your busy lives to read my little ficlet, and special happy thoughts to those who have commented. If I owned Star Trek, we'd all get to join Captain Crusher on the USS Fanfiction.

 

Chapter 18: Dark Sky

 

Will should have been beside himself with elation. He should have been tidying his quarters, getting a haircut, reprogramming the replicator with every ice cream flavor imaginable, and restocking the container of Risan lube. He should have been preparing for a blissfully passionate end to the separation that had sent half his heart to Earth, because Wesley was coming home.

 

Instead, the _Enterprise_ ’s First Officer sat zoned out at his desk, trying stupidly to put a holographic disk into an imaginary cone. He was so mesmerized that he didn’t even realize his door chime had sounded until it swished open to reveal Wesley, deliciously prim and proper in his cadet uniform. Even through the mind-controlling haze of the Game, Will felt his skin prickle and his cock stir, but one glance at the hurt in Wesley’s eyes effectively killed any rising ardor.

 

Wes stepped into the room just enough for the door to shut behind him. He hesitated, weighing his words carefully, and when he finally spoke, the controlled anger underlying his tone made Will flinch.

 

“I’ve really missed you, Will. I couldn’t wait to see you. Why didn’t you come to the party in the conference room?”

 

Will kept his eyes on the game as he stuttered an answer. “Oh, um, sorry...sorry. I was, ah, doing something.”

 

If Will had been paying attention, he would have seen Wesley’s eyes darken to a stormy gray-green, and he would have noticed the bite in Wes’ words. “Yeah, I can see that.” Wes waited for a response, and when he didn’t get one, finally snapped loudly, “Will!”

 

“Huh?” A whisper from the back of his mind tried to warn Will that something was very wrong, but the lure of the game brushed it aside and replaced it with a better idea. “Oh, hey, you should play with me!” He stretched a hand toward his lover, oblivious to the outrage coloring Wesley’s sweet face. “C’mere, I’ll share it with you.” He grinned charmingly. “I’m a good sharer.”

 

Wesley was anything but charmed. “I don’t want to play that stupid game, Will. What’s the matter with you? Have you been drinking?”

 

Will knew Wesley was waiting for an answer, and he wanted to give one, just as soon as he got to the next level, but Wes finally lost his patience. “Look, Will, I’m going to Ten Forward to meet some friends. Come find me when you’re done with that...thing.” Will nodded mutely, but didn’t watch as Wesley turned and left.

 

Out in the hallway, Wes leaned against the corridor wall and tried to calm the tightening in his stomach. He loved Will _so much_ , and had missed him terribly; part of his mind and heart always stayed with Will. He knew Will loved him back, not because they told each other constantly, but because he could feel it in every word, every look, every touch. Rationally, he knew this sudden, inexplicable rejection had to be caused by some external factor, but that didn’t make it hurt less. And in the back of his mind rose the unthinkable: _What if I’m wrong about us?_

 

Shaking the thought away, Wes pulled himself together and decided to attack the problem like the scientist he was. Observations: Will skipped my coming-home party. He barely spoke to me when I went to his quarters. He didn’t seem angry, just distracted. He wouldn’t stop playing that headset game long enough to have a conversation. Question: Why won’t Will interact with me? Hypothesis: Will doesn’t love me anymore. Nope, not going there. Revised Hypothesis: Something is affecting Will’s behavior.

 

Wes paused his silent analysis when he saw Nurse Ogawa coming down the hallway. He straightened up and started to raise his hand in greeting, but she ambled past him without a word. Wes started when he noticed the vacant look on her face and the headband of the game on her head. _Something is affecting Will’s behavior..._

 

Disregarding the rest of the scientific method, Wesley’s heart leapt in relief. _The game’s making Will act weird! He still loves me!_ That joyful thought was quickly followed by _An alien game is brainwashing crew members. Aw, shit._ Which, all things considered, was probably not a great start to his vacation.

 

There was only one crew member who wouldn’t be affected, and he was currently unconscious in Sickbay. Wes headed directly there, trying to recall as much as he could about Data’s positronic network. He was dismayed to see his mother sitting at her desk when he arrived, but fortunately, her back was turned and he could see the blue headband of the game on her head. She didn’t move a muscle as he snuck silently past her door, not even when he swiped a med tricorder from the top of her desk.

 

Data lay motionless and silent on the biobed as Wes scanned him. _Some homecoming,_ he thought petulantly. _Looks like it’s my responsibility to save everyone. Again. When do I get to do what *I* want instead of what everyone expects?_

 

As the computer prepared the results of Data’s scan, Wesley’s mind wandered resentfully to his now interrupted vacation. He hadn’t let on, even to Will, how desperately he needed a break. Instead of being a liberating change, the Academy sometimes felt like a cage that kept getting smaller and smaller. He wasn’t the CMO’s son there, or Will’s sweetheart, or the captain’s pride. He was just another Fleet brat who happened to be a little better at math and science than other cadets. It wasn’t all doom and gloom; he had made some friends and enjoyed his classes, but he still missed Will like crazy and couldn’t shake the niggling sense that he was settling for a life he didn’t want.

 

The beep of the computer indicated the finished results of the scan, and Wes pulled himself out of his creeping depression to analyze the information. Everything looked great up to Data’s neck, but from that point up through the android’s head, nothing was functioning. Even with the computer’s help, Wes had to squint to see the segment of the neural pathway that had been severed. _Clean as a whistle - it had to have been done with a microscalpel._

 

Well, he wasn’t the son of a doctor for nothing. With a repair tool usually used to mend broken capillaries, Wes carefully patched up the cut fibers in Data’s neck. Then he perched on the edge of the bed and waited for Data’s system to reboot and his yellow eyes to open.

 

~

 

Shoved into a Jeffries tube an hour later, Wes mused that the ship’s hidden passageways had seemed a lot bigger when he first came on board from Farpoint Station and used them to explore his new home. He and Data had managed to design an optical device to counteract the brainwashing effects of the alien game, but the android needed some time to build a working model. Wesley’s job was to keep the crew occupied in hunting for him until Data finished. The plan had seemed easy and simple when they discussed it, but Wes now recognized what he really was: bait.

 

_I never would have guessed that I’d be running away from Will._ His lover had almost caught him in Engineering, but Wes was smaller and quicker, and had just managed to elude Will’s grasp. Now he was trying to escape not just Will, but Worf and his entire security team. _So far, so good_ , he thought, and tapped open the next panel, only to see Will’s beautiful blue eyes staring icily back at him.

 

“Hello, sweetheart.” Will’s normally dulcet voice was strangely flat and toneless, and Wesley’s heart sank as he backed up against the bulkhead. Will crawled closer and reached out to take Wesley’s hand. He lifted it to his lips and sucked one finger into his mouth. Wes gasped and struggled to keep his thoughts straight. Will finally released his hand, only to move in so close that Wes’ head swam with the scent of Will’s cologne. Brushing his lips against the younger man’s ear, Will teased in a sinister undertone, “Don’t you want to play with me?”

 

Wesley was starving for him and the Commander knew it, but this wasn’t his Will. Wes knew it was pointless to try to reason with someone who was brainwashed, but reason had little to do with him and Will. At any rate, it would kill some time. “Will, listen to me, you’re not yourself; let’s just talk this through, ok?”

 

Will’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you loved me, Wes. I know what’s best for you; plus, I outrank you, _cadet._ Now get over here!” Will’s arm started to tighten around him, but Wes twisted away and opened the panel he had already come through, only to run smack into a very large Klingon security chief. Worf’s iron grip hauled Wesley through the access panel, and dragged him down the corridor and into a turbolift, with Will following closely behind.

 

Wes put up a cursory, futile struggle. _Hurry up, Data!_ His mind screamed while he tried to appeal to Will’s sympathy. “Will, tell Worf to let up a little, would you? He’s hurting me.” Will glanced at the Klingon’s hands squeezing Wesley’s arms, but kept silent. Within moments, the turbolift whooshed to a stop and the doors opened onto the bridge.

 

“Ah, Mr. Crusher,” Captain Picard greeted him. “You led us quite a chase.” Worf dragged Wesley down the ramp and shoved him, still struggling, into the captain’s chair. “Hold him still,” the captain ordered, and suddenly Worf had his arms pinned to the seat. Will stood to one side, his face a mask of utter indifference. Wesley squeezed his eyes shut and wondered what the hell was taking Data so long.

 

The captain wasn’t having it. “Open his eyes.”

 

Wesley felt his eyelids being pried open, and was horrified to see his own mother standing over him. The captain placed the game on his head and pressed a switch on the side, and a checkered field with an animated cone sprang into Wesley’s view. A disk floated to the side, and without even realizing what he was doing, Wes thought the disk into the cone, and it obeyed. A rush of endorphins hit his nervous system and all his muscles relaxed. Looking through the game field, Wes gazed at Will, now crouched down and looking back at him. _Oh, right, this is how being with Will is supposed to feel. Why was I running from him, again?_

 

Without warning, the background of Wesley’s vision went dark, except for the light pouring out of the turbolift, casting its sole occupant in shadow. The figure lifted its hand to reveal something round, and a flash temporarily blinded everyone on the bridge. When Wesley’s vision cleared, Data was already explaining the situation to Captain Picard. When the captain looked expectantly toward him, Wes shook the last few cobwebs from his brain and stood at attention.

 

“I managed to reconnect his positronic network, sir,” he reported. The captain nodded briskly and turned toward the viewscreen. Will rubbed his temples as he took a tentative step toward Wesley, self-recrimination written all over his face.

 

“I’m ok, Will,” Wes assured him in a quiet voice.

 

Will stared at Wesley for a heartbeat, then swept him into a fierce embrace. Wes caught a knowing glance between his mother and the captain before he buried his face in Will’s neck. Suddenly remembering where they were, they quickly separated and stood side by side while the captain dealt with the hostile alien.

 

Business attended to, the captain dismissed the relieved bridge crew. Dr. Crusher joined Wesley and Will in the turbolift as they headed to Will’s quarters. “Sickbay,” Beverly ordered the lift, then turned to both men with a stern expression that was _almost_ ruined by a slight twinkle in her eyes. “Wesley, I know you want to spend time with Will, but do you think you can meet your poor, lonely mother for dinner tomorrow?”

 

Wes smiled and nodded. “Yeah, Mom, it’s a date.”

 

Beverly eyed Will with a bit more sternness and less amusement. “And you, take care of my son. Make sure he’s safe.”

 

Will slipped his hand into Wesley’s. “That’s my job.”

 

The lift reached Sickbay and Beverly strode out. “And don’t you forget it, Commander,” she shot over her shoulder as the doors slid shut.

 

Wes looked at Will with a laugh dancing in his hazel eyes. “Ooh, she pulled out the rank. You must be in trouble.”

 

Will cupped his lover’s angelic face in his large hands. “I haven’t kissed you since you got home, have I?” He didn’t wait for an answer before meeting Wesley’s enthusiastic embrace. When they broke apart, Will held him close and pressed their heads together. “I ruined your vacation, Wes. I’m so sorry.”

 

“I still have a few days; you didn’t ruin it.” Leaning back, Wes reached into his pocket while a wicked smirk spread slowly across his soft lips. He held up a strip of black cloth in one hand and beckoned toward Will with the other. “You _can_ make it up to me, Will. Wanna play a game?”

 


	19. Sizzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will pays for his transgressions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure PWP, and I'm not even sorry. The next few chapters will be heavier in tone, so I thought the boys deserved to have some fun now.
> 
> It's a good thing I don't own Star Trek, because if I did, Will probably would have been blindfolded at Wesley's feet in every episode.

 

Chapter 19: Sizzle

  


Will licked his lips in anticipation, every muscle in his body taut as a bowstring. His thoughts were still a bit fuzzy from the headset game’s after effects, but at least the pounding headache was starting to lessen. The blindfold blocking the light helped with that, as did some idea of what he was in for.

 

Slowly, gentle hands ran down his arms, and Wesley’s sweet voice was in his ear. “Relax, Will. Just relax. This’ll be way more fun than some alien game, I promise.” Light kisses feathered down the nape of his neck, making him shiver. Wesley suddenly wrapped his arms around Will’s waist from behind, and nuzzled tenderly into the back of Will’s shoulder. “I missed you so much, Will,” he whispered. “I thought about you constantly.” Will moaned at the feel of Wesley’s hard cock pressing against him from behind, and Wes laughed softly. “At night by myself, you were _all_ I thought about.”

 

Will chuckled back, and desperately wished he could see the blush he knew would be spreading across Wesley’s beautiful face. His laugh turned to a deep sigh as he felt his lover’s gorgeous hands sliding down his chest, briefly pinching his nipples and running over his abdomen. Then one hand wrapped around his cock while the other stroked inside his thigh, soft lips tasted along his neck and shoulders, and Will nearly forgot his own name.

 

“I have a present for you, Will,” Wesley’s voice rolled seductively in his ear; his hands disappeared for a moment, and then Will felt a thin circle of leather around the base of his cock. Wesley snapped it in place with a click, and pressed a loving kiss to Will’s temple.

 

“Where did you get that?” Will gasped out.

 

He could hear the bashful smile in his lover’s voice. “My roommate dared me to go into a - toy store - with him after a few hours at a bar. He didn’t think I’d make it two minutes in there. You should have seen his face when I actually bought something.”

 

Will snorted and rolled his eyes behind the blindfold. “I can only imagine.” His tone turned mock-stern. “Shouldn’t your time at school be spent studying, Cadet Crusher?”

 

The feathery caresses along Will’s thigh stopped, and he heard the sudden tension in Wesley’s voice. “I don’t want to talk about school right now.”

 

Will cleared his throat and bent his face in Wesley’s direction. “I’m sorry.” He tried to erase the dampened moment with a teasing grin. “I suppose I’m in no position to tell you what to do, anyway.”

 

After an agonizing silence that really only lasted a few seconds, a sudden pinch to his ass made Will yelp. Wes didn’t even pretend to be sorry. “No, you’re not. And if you misbehave again, I’ll bite you.”

 

“Promise?”

 

Wesley brushed his mouth along Will’s shoulders and down his back, muttering almost to himself, “You do taste delicious. God, I’m starving for you, Will.”

 

“I’m all yours,” Will whispered, using every ounce of his self-control to resist breaking the game rules just so he could gaze at the incredible man he loved. Wesley took his time, his hands and lips and tongue running over every inch of Will’s skin, pausing only for the occasional deep kiss and a murmured _I love you_. Will protested wordlessly when the blissful sensations came to an end.

 

“Patience. On your knees, Will,” Wes ordered, and Will instantly obeyed. “Good. Keep your hands at your sides - _no touching_. Understand?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I don’t have to tie you up, do I?”

 

Will briefly considered the idea. “No.” He was almost breathless already, his cock rigid and throbbing, the leather ring forcing his restraint, so desperate for Wesley’s touch. This was going to be _fun_.

 

He listened intently as Wes moved in front of him, and bit back a moan at the whispery rustle of fabric as his beautiful lover undressed. He wished he could see, wanted to rip the blindfold off and drink in Wesley’s bare skin, but he didn’t dare. Then he really did moan as he felt the blunt head of Wesley’s cock against his lips.

 

“Shhh, that’s right, Will; open up for me.” A shiver vibrated through Wesley as his cock slid into Will’s eager mouth. His hand gripped Will’s hair and he couldn’t hold back a delighted gasp. Will’s tongue lashed over and around the hot length while his hands twitched with the effort of _not touching_. His head moved back just enough to suckle the ridged head, Wesley’s whimpering moans feeding his own desire.

 

Without warning, his mouth and hands were empty, and Will moaned and groped to find Wes again. A low, throaty laugh and a teasing kiss shot his arousal into the ether.

 

“Easy, Will. I’ve got you.” He felt Wes kneel behind him and wrap his arms tenderly around him, nipping and kissing along his neck and shoulders. Then that demanding, erotic whisper brushed his ear. “I’m going to fuck you, Will. How’s that sound?”

 

“ _God yes,_ ” Will choked out, and Wesley laughed again. _Yes yes yes sweetheart I’ll do anything for you, anything at all, especially if I get to hear your laughter._

 

Wesley’s hands gently guided him down on all fours, and he ran his palms slowly down Will’s back. Will heard the click of the lube container opening, then a soft kiss pressed into the base of his spine, and a finger was gently probing his hole. “Mmmm...so tight, Will. We’ll have to do something about that.”

 

For the next few minutes, Will slowly lost his mind while Wes worked him open, then he actually keened when he felt his lover’s tongue replace his fingers. “Holy _fuck,_ Wes!” Wesley responded with a final swirl around Will’s hole, quickly followed by his cock pressing just inside. “Yes, Wesley, yes, please...more sweetheart, more…”

 

Wesley leaned forward, slowly pushing himself deeper inside. “Like that?”

 

Will gritted his teeth and reached underneath to stroke himself, but Wes swatted his hand away. “I said no touching, Will, and I meant it,” he admonished.

 

With the cock ring barely holding his orgasm at bay, Will panted and gasped as Wesley thrust into him. “Wes, sweetheart, please, _fuckpleasefuck_ , let me come baby, Wesley, _please_ …”

 

A sound smack to his ass silenced Will’s pleading. Wes leaned down until his smooth, hard chest was pressed against Will’s back, and hissed hotly in his ear. “Not yet, _Commander._ You’re not in charge here.” His tone softened to a luscious purr. “I’ve waited too long to make love with you, Will. You don’t get to come until you’re inside me.”

 

Will lowered his head and sank his teeth into his forearm to keep quiet while Wesley slammed their bodies together. He tried to focus on small touches - the strength in Wes’ arms holding him down, lean muscles sliding along his spine, tiny drops of sweat collecting in the small of his back. Every molecule in his body filled with his lover’s ardor until Will was certain they would both burst into flames.

 

“I’m so close, Will,” Wes panted lowly in his ear, while Will let out a moan at another gut-stirring thrust. “Are you ready?”

 

Will didn’t trust himself to speak. Instead, he hitched up higher on his arms and did the best he could to match Wesley’s movements. Before long, he felt Wesley’s cock swell and pulse inside himself while his hands clenched against Will’s shoulders. The room filled with Wesley’s cries as he tensed and spilled into Will with a final, forceful thrust.

 

Before Will could unscramble his brain enough to wonder if he’d ever get feeling back in his knees, Wesley slid off him and pushed him impatiently to the floor. “On your back, Will,” he ordered, and before Will could blink, the blindfold was ripped off and his eyes could finally devour Wesley’s glorious form. Wes straddled his abdomen and shoved the lube into his hands.

 

“Get me ready, Will.”

 

With his sight restored, Will felt a bit bolder. “So demanding. Is this what I get for letting you come first?”

 

Wes glared at him, and Will almost sat up to bite his flushed cheeks. Wesley nodded pointedly toward the cock ring, still firmly strapped around Will’s erection. “You didn’t _let_ me do anything. Now are you going to help me, or should we just leave that on for the night?”

 

With an insolent smirk, Will grabbed Wesley’s chin and pulled their mouths together. He kissed and nuzzled Wesley’s face and neck, rubbing his beard against the sensitive skin just to hear him laugh. Keeping Wes occupied, Will slicked up his fingers and trailed them down to his lover’s perfect ass, where he got a very pleasant surprise.

 

Will pulled back to see trouble twinkling in Wesley’s eyes. “You little tease; you already took care of this!”

 

Wes ran a hand through Will’s hair and pressed a fervent kiss to his mouth, then he sat up and slowly sank down on Will’s cock. Will grasped Wesley’s slender hips with shaking hands, and almost passed out when Wes’ hands deftly unclasped the cock ring.

 

“Oh god, Wes, sweetheart, not gonna last…” Will’s hands slid up Wesley’s chest to cup his lovely face, and Wes pressed kisses along Will’s palm.

 

“Come for me, Will,” he begged.

 

His pleas were entirely unnecessary. Will gripped Wesley’s hip hard enough to bruise; his back arched and his lover’s name escaped his lips in a strangled cry. The last thing he recalled was Wesley’s sweet gasp when Will’s orgasm flooded through him.

 

When he came back to his senses, Wes was reclined next to him, his full lips flushed and swollen and turned up in a satisfied grin. As spent as he was, Will instantly wanted to make love to Wes again, and again, and again.

 

“Do I need to ask how that was?” Wes teased, pressing a gentle kiss to Will’s damp forehead.

 

Will reached up to pull Wes to him, wrapping his arm around Wes’ s shoulders and stroking a hand through his mussed hair. Wes snuggled into Will’s broad chest and let out a contented purr.

 

“I missed you like crazy, Will. It doesn’t feel right to be apart for so long.”

 

Will sighed and trailed his fingers along Wesley’s neck, tracing the line of his collarbone. “I know what you mean, sweetheart. But you know it’s not forever. You should try to enjoy the Academy while you can, and we’ll be together again before you know it.”

 

Wes remained silent, nuzzling into Will’s damp skin to hide the apprehension he knew was written all over his face. Will felt his lover’s slim body tense, but the subject of whether the Academy was right for Wes was too big and confusing to tackle in the midst of their post-sex haze. Will lied to himself in thinking they’d discuss it later, and Wes deliberately shoved it away into the dark corners of his brilliant mind.

 

“I love you more than anything, Wes,” Will whispered, knowing the trite sentiment didn’t even begin to describe their connection.

 

“Love you back, Will.” Wesley closed his eyes and pretended he and Will were the only beings in the galaxy, floating through space with no limits and only each other. It was a blissful, frequent fantasy, and he was getting good at pretending.

 


	20. Liftoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birthday hike through a rainforest. And cake. Definitely cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Carrie. I got so carried away that I ended up splitting it into two chapters, but I'm going to be a tease and only reveal one at a time (okay, the real reason is I haven't finished the 2nd part and I didn't want to wait any longer to post the 1st). I sincerely hope it meets your approval!
> 
> As ever, thank you to everyone reading and taking the time to comment. It means the galaxy to me!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but I did watch "First Contact" (the movie) the other day, and I can say without question that Jonathan Frakes is the only man (IMO) who actually looks better WITH a beard than without.

Chapter 20: Liftoff

 

Cadet Crusher sat at his desk and glared at his half-finished essay, wondering why Laertes couldn’t have stabbed Hamlet in Act I and saved everyone a lot of trouble. The beep of his comm panel was a very welcome interruption. He tapped the PADD and beamed at the well-loved face that appeared on the screen.

 

“Hi, gorgeous.” Will’s blue eyes crinkled at the corners and Wes mirrored his lover’s grin.

 

“Hi yourself. You know, my roommate thinks I’m pretty important to get calls from the flagship’s First Officer.”

 

Will feigned a dramatic pout. “If only you loved me for more than my lofty position of power.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I love you for your beard, too.”

 

“So basically, I’m one demotion and a shave away from ending up alone?”

 

“Yup. So don’t get any crazy ideas involving mutinies or razors.”

 

Will laughed, and the sound warmed Wesley’s heart. “I  _ do  _ have a crazy idea. Your birthday’s coming up; got any plans?”

 

Wes shrugged. “Nothing definite. A couple friends mentioned taking me out, but they don’t need an excuse to go drinking. I’ve always got work to do, anyway.”

 

Will’s eyes narrowed. “Turning twenty’s a big deal, Wes.” He paused, noticing the faint shadows under his lover’s pretty eyes. “You should give yourself a rest once in a while.”

 

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” Wes snapped, instantly regretting his temper. He carefully softened his tone and forced a rueful smile, but Will wasn’t the least bit fooled. “I’m sorry, Will. I guess I am a little tired. Did you have something in mind?”

 

“I have some vacation time built up, and I know the Academy has a break soon. Why don’t we go away somewhere, just us?”

 

Wes sat up a little straighter. “Can we really? That sounds...really nice.” He opened a small window on the PADD and started tapping away. “I’ll do some research; it’ll have to be somewhere close enough for us to meet without taking too much time away for travel…”

 

“Don’t worry about your research,” Will interrupted with a fond grin. “I’ll take care of everything. I already know of a place right on Earth.”

 

“You do? Where?”

 

Will shook a finger at the screen. “No details; it’s a surprise. I’ll send you the coordinates when it’s time to go. You’ll just have to trust me.”

 

Wesley touched the PADD and wished he had Will in his arms. “I do trust you. And I love you.” He wanted to confide in Will, to tell him all of his misgivings about the Academy and his career, but it would only make him worry, and he didn’t need to burden Will with that. “I miss you so much, Will.”

 

“Love you back, sweetheart. Miss you all the time,” Will responded gently. “We’ll be together soon. Don’t work too hard, ok?”

 

Wes nodded and tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. The screen went blank, and Wesley opened his essay, took one glance at it, and decided to work on stellar cartography instead.

 

~

 

A few weeks and a hypersonic train ride later, Wesley disembarked onto a land of mountains and red clay. The dry air and boundless view shocked his senses after the constant fog of San Francisco; he had to force his gaze away from the far horizon to find the queue of taxis hovering outside the station. Wes gave the driver the coordinates Will had sent, and within a few minutes arrived at a large, opulent hotel. 

 

_ This can’t be right _ , he thought. Will had told him only to pack comfortable clothes and hiking boots, but this looked like the kind of place where a suit jacket was required to attend dinner. His suspicions heightened when he entered the glittering lobby and watched beautifully dressed people milling about. 

 

“Can I be of service, sir?” 

 

Realizing he had wandered over to the concierge’s desk, Wes decided to play along. “Um, yes. I’m supposed to meet someone here.”

 

The concierge gave him an imperious once-over and apparently decided he passed inspection. “Of course, sir. Your companion’s name?”

 

“Will Riker.”

 

“Ah! You must be Mr. Crusher.” The man’s demeanor relaxed slightly and he treated Wesley to an almost-sincere smile. “Mr. William requested that you meet him on our veranda.” He gestured toward a gilded staircase leading up to a set of stained glass doors, through which Wes glimpsed the bright midday sky. “Shall I hold your luggage here for you?”

 

Wes’ only luggage consisted of an Academy-issue duffel bag, and he didn’t really want to have to interact with the stuffy concierge again, so he shook his head and headed for the staircase, tossing a “Thank you” over his shoulder as he went.

 

Squinting in the sunlight, Wesley was relieved to see only one other person on the veranda, a tall, broad-shouldered man with thick black hair. He had his back turned and was gazing at the mountains over the railing, but Wes knew the lines of that body with his eyes closed. The air suddenly seemed sweeter, the weight on his shoulders lighter. Wes felt he could finally, after a long drought, be comfortable in his own skin again.

 

Still, it wouldn’t do to get sappy right away. “Hello,  _ William _ ,” he drawled, and grinned at the twitch in those broad shoulders. 

 

Will turned with a laugh, his eyes shining bluer than the endless South American sky. He reached for his lover, and Wes crossed the few steps to him and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his body as close to Will as he could. Will leaned down to bury his face in Wesley’s soft neck. “Hello, sweetest heart,” Will murmured, and Wes wondered how he didn’t explode with the force of his love for this man. And then Will was kissing him, and Wesley forgot how to breathe.

 

They broke apart, and Wes tucked his head under Will’s bearded chin. “I’m so glad we’re doing this, Will. But...is this where we’re staying?”

 

“You don’t like it? I hear it’s  _ the  _ place to stay in the southern hemisphere. I mean, look at those mountains.” Will frowned and gestured toward the sweeping vista of the Andes, but Wes caught a mischievous glint in his blue eyes.

 

“It’s beautiful, Will; it’s just that, well,” he wrinkled his nose at the memory of Mr. Snootypants downstairs, “I didn’t pack my dress uniform.”

 

Will raised an eyebrow. “Good. I prefer you in your birthday suit, anyway.”

 

“Will!” Wesley smacked his broad chest, and Will laughed.

 

“Speaking of birthdays, we still have to travel a bit to get to your present. And no, we’re not staying here. But it was a good place to meet, and my friend at the desk downstairs helped me make the arrangements.”

 

Wesley’s pert nose wrinkled again, and Will kissed the tip lightly. “You know that guy?”

 

“We grew up together. He’s a do-or-die Terran, but he always hated the Alaskan winters. He was determined to live somewhere where he didn’t have to worry about going snowblind on a regular basis.”

 

Will clasped their hands together and led Wes back down the stairs to the lobby, where Will stopped at the desk to retrieve his own travel bag. The concierge gave him a real smile, and Will nodded appreciatively. 

 

“Your cab’s outside, Will. So this is the pretty thing you were telling me about, huh? It was nice to meet you, Mr. Crusher. Will always did have good taste.” 

 

Wesley blushed fiercely, and Will chuckled and wrapped an arm around him. “Thanks, Marty. Say hi to Angie for me.”

 

Will steered them out to the waiting taxi, and they changed into hiking boots in the back seat while the arid landscape flashed by. Wesley didn’t care for surprises, but he hated to ruin the experience for Will, so he kept his questions to himself. Before long, the car stopped in front of what appeared to be a dense jungle that had popped up in the middle of the red desert. Out of the car, Wesley noticed a shimmering barrier marking the dividing line between the two environments. A flower-entwined gate stood open in front of them, and the barrier stretched into the distance. An engraved sign declared they had reached the Cerro Tololo Reservation.

 

He turned to Will, eyebrows raised. “How did a rainforest get in the middle of the desert?”

 

“Long story; I’ll give you the rundown on the way.” Will held out a hand, and Wesley took it. As soon as they walked through the gate together, Wesley was almost convinced they had entered a portal to another world.

 

They began following along the barely-defined path through the verdant land. Wesley’s nose filled with the scent of sugar and citrus, underscored by a rich, earthy smell that broadcast life. Large leaves brushed his bare arms as they walked, and blooms burst like fireworks in every direction. The sky was nearly hidden by the flourishing canopy, but unlike the light and fog screen of San Francisco, this view was so enchanting that Wes didn’t mind. Will kept his hand firmly in Wesley’s, stopping once in a while to check the satellite compass on his wrist.

 

“This used to be all desert, centuries ago,” Will began his promised explanation. “It was the sight of a famous research facility.”

 

“What kind of research? Environmental?”

 

Will’s mouth gave a sardonic twist. “Not exactly. If it had been...well, let’s just say they might have known better.” 

 

Wes jumped slightly at the sudden flight of a colorful bird off to their left. “But it’s so beautiful here. Whoever was responsible must have done  _ something  _ right.” He looked down and noticed the rich dirt of the path was the same scarlet hue of the sand outside the reservation. “It’s nice to be out of the city, anyway.”

 

Will eyed him and squeezed his hand lightly. “Everything all right, sweetheart?”

 

Wes caught himself before he caused Will to worry. “Just ready for a break.” He gave what he hoped was a convincing smile, but Will frowned back at him.

 

“Your classes are going ok?”

 

“Yeah, mostly. Except I hate Classical Literature. Some of the Vulcan epics aren’t too bad, but Shakespeare sucks.”

 

Will laughed, startling some small creature in the undergrowth. “Don’t let the captain hear you say that. How are the other cadets?”

 

“Mostly nice. I do have friends, you know.” He reached up and brushed Will’s bearded cheek. “You don’t have to worry, Will.”

 

Will caught his hand and held it to his face. “I just want you to be happy, Wes. And I want to know that you’re taking care of yourself.”

 

“I  _ am  _ happy,” Wesley insisted, as much for his own benefit as for Will’s. He wracked his brain for something good to report. “Oh, I almost forgot! I got asked to join the flight team. I found out right before I left.” He broke into a relieved grin at Will’s shocked expression.

 

“Wes, that’s amazing - they never ask anyone below third year!” Will’s cheeks dimpled and his arms looped around Wesley’s slim waist, nearly lifting him off the ground. “They obviously recognize the best pilot in the Fleet when they see him.”

 

Wes clutched Will’s shoulders to steady himself. “I think that’s overstating things a bit. But I’m excited; it should be fun.” He peered ahead through the endless vines and branches. “So, are we sleeping in a tree tonight? Not that I’m complaining, but I don’t think your back could take it.”

 

Heat flared in Will’s eyes. “I wasn’t planning on doing much sleeping.” 

 

Wes smirked at him. “Good; neither was I. So are we going somewhere with a bed, or what?”

 

Will considered his sweet lover for a moment, then swooped in and lifted him up, pressing Wes’ back against the nearest moss-covered tree and growling, “There  _ is  _ a bed waiting for us. Do you think you can wait?” 

 

A quiet, needy moan escaped Wesley’s lips, and the air felt even thicker with the heady combination of flowers, fruit and  _ Will. _ He squeezed and squirmed his legs around Will’s waist, demanding friction. Will licked along his T-shirt collar, making a shiver run through his body despite the tropical climate.

 

With a maddening grin, Will pulled back and let Wesley’s legs slide gently to the ground. “Anyway, I haven’t finished my story yet.”

 

Wesley’s heart raced with want and he was intensely aware of his clothes sticking uncomfortably to his skin. He tried to recall what they were discussing. “Story?”

 

Will chuckled, pressing a tender kiss to his lover’s forehead. “You wanted to know how the rainforest got here.”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Wesley brushed a damp lock of hair off his forehead and slipped his hand into Will’s as they strolled along.

 

“Well, you probably already guessed that the jungle’s an aberration. The researchers decided they could improve the environment artificially; they started with the area around their facilities and intended on eventually changing the entire desert.”

 

“How did they do it?”

 

Will waved a hand toward the dripping, emerald canopy. “Climate modifications, adjusted water tables, introducing new species. That was what finally made them realize their mistake. The new species started eradicating the desert creatures, and what they thought were small changes caused irreparable damage to the surrounding habitats.”

 

“Well, they obviously stopped before they could get to the rest of the desert.”

 

“Yes, but they couldn’t find a way to undo the climate changes. They finally agreed to erect a stasis field around the whole thing; they abandoned the original facilities and moved closer to Santiago. They were going to make the area off-limits, but so many visitors wanted a taste of the jungle that some entrepreneur bought the old research buildings and turned them into vacation properties.”

 

Wes stopped walking and wiped beads of sweat from his neck. He moved closer to Will, and the older man bent and kissed the top of his head. “So that’s where we’re staying?” Will nodded, and Wes stretched up to kiss him. Will’s cheeks were flushed and his hair wild from the humidity, and Wes had a sudden urge to drag him to the jungle floor and lick every inch of him. His hands wandered down Will’s chest, and Will smirked and pressed their mouths together again.

 

“We’ll be there soon,” Will murmured, regretfully breaking their kiss and taking Wesley’s hand.

 

“You never told me what the original researchers were studying.”

 

Will squeezed their joined hands, making a fire kindle low in Wesley’s belly. “It was an observatory. They were studying the stars.”

 


	21. Polaris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last happy moment before it all goes to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 for Carrie :~). I've already started on the next chapter, and it's mostly death, destruction and misery, so enjoy this one while you can.
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, there would have been much more alone time for Wes and Will. And a lot more cake.

Chapter 21: Polaris

 

They reached the base of a large plateau just as the sun was setting, and Will hustled them up an access road. By the time they reached the flat top, it was entirely dark except for a few muted directional signals. Wesley’s sharp pilot’s eyes could just make out several rounded buildings scattered among the lights. Will consulted a diagram shining from his wristband and led them to the largest of the domes.

 

“Open sesame,” Will muttered, laying his hand on a glassy security panel. The smooth door slid open with a whisper, and the bright light inside made them both blink. Will turned to Wesley and found he didn’t need to ask what he thought; his lover’s face was alight with wonder as he took in the ancient observatory. It was a look that Will hadn’t seen in a while, and one he had desperately missed.  _ He hasn’t looked this happy since before he left for school. _ Despite Will’s cheerful demeanor, he knew Wesley was struggling with more than common fatigue, and it weighed heavily on his mind.  _ Maybe this will help him recharge. Please, please let this help. _

 

Wesley was wandering around the large open space, occasionally reaching a hand out to reverently touch the restored panels and equipment. Eventually he made his way to the center of the cavernous room, where the original mammoth telescope rose toward the heavens. The restoration had included a force field over the open dome, and Wes could see the stars shining through it almost as brightly as they looked from the  _ Enterprise.  _

 

Will took off his boots and left them next to the door where they had dropped their bags. He padded over to Wes and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. Wesley looked away from the stars with shining eyes, and threw his arms around Will’s neck.

 

“This is incredible, Will. Thank you.” He pressed his face to Will’s neck, and Will held him tightly.

 

“You never have to thank me, sweetheart. Whatever you need, it’s yours. And it  _ is  _ your birthday; I wanted to get you something nice.” 

 

Wesley lifted his head up and smiled brilliantly. “You gave me the whole sky for my birthday?”

 

_ The whole sky shines in your eyes, love. I’m just lucky enough to see it.  _ “I know you miss how the stars look from home.” He paused, wanting to reassure them both while trying not to ruin the moment. “I miss you so much it hurts, but it’ll all be worth it, Wes. I promise.”

 

Wesley’s hazel eyes searched Will’s face, and he wanted so badly to believe it, not just for his own peace of mind, but for Will’s. He forced a smile and gently caressed Will’s bearded cheek. “All I care about is that we’re together now,” he said softly. “And you already promised me a bed, remember?”

 

Will chuckled and steered him toward the stairs of a raised catwalk encircling the room. “The bedroom, bathroom and eating areas are all up here. What do you feel like for dinner?”

 

Wes didn’t hesitate. “Cake.”

 

Will grinned broadly and opened the first door on their left. “As you wish.”

 

Wes walked past him into a modern kitchen equipped with cabinets and a replicator. In the center of the small table sat a round birthday cake, complete with candles and Wesley’s name in white frosting. With a wicked glint in his eyes, Wes reached out and stuck a finger into the frosting, then popped it into his mouth.

 

Will stalked toward him in feigned outrage, grabbing Wes’ slim wrist as he helped himself to a second scoop of frosting. “You’re supposed to make a wish first,” he admonished, and smirked at the golden desire that flared in Wesley’s eyes when Will licked his finger clean.

 

“No need; you’re already here.” He pressed his mouth to Will’s in a sudden fervent burst, chasing the taste of sugar. He finally pulled away, brushing some errant frosting from Will’s lips. “Let’s bring the cake out to the dome. We can have a birthday stargazing picnic.”

 

They gathered some blankets from the bedroom along with some other supplies and headed back out to the domed hall. Wes briefly considered forgetting the cake and dragging Will straight to the bed, but the lure of the stars was too strong, and he figured they had several days and nights to test out the overstuffed mattress. His eyes followed Will’s movements as he arranged the blankets right next to the massive telescope, carefully set down the cake and two plates and forks, and then sat back on his knees to survey his handiwork.

 

_ Let’s run away, Will. Let’s travel the galaxy and make love and eat cake and look at the stars, and never have to follow orders again. _

 

Will looked to him for approval of the dining arrangements, and Wesley felt his heart swell, the love between them shining bright enough to light the sky. He joined Will on the blanket, gently pulling them both down so they were laying facing each other. He pressed a kiss to Will’s mouth, murmuring, “How did you know I’d want dessert right away?”

 

Will gave him a teasing grin. “Because you have the dietary finesse of a five year old.”

 

Wes huffed out a laugh through their kiss, his hands twining in Will’s thick, dark hair. His fingers brushed the soft skin of Will’s neck, and his mouth pressed everywhere he could reach. Forehead. Nose. Scruffy chin, smooth throat, broad shoulders. He frowned impatiently when he reached Will’s collar, and tugged the offending shirt over his lover’s head.

 

“Tell me what you want, Wes,” Will murmured, doing his part to rid Them both of their remaining clothes while Wesley trailed kisses down his body.

 

Wes paused for breath, his angel’s lips tickling Will’s belly. He raised his hazel eyes to the firmament above their heads. “The stars,” he affirmed, and he fixed Will with that familiar, devoted gaze. “And you. That’s all.” He glanced over to the frosted confection that sat forgotten at the edge of the blanket. “And maybe cake.”

 

Will sat up and gently nudged Wes onto his back. His large hands stroked along Wes’ bare skin while his mouth followed with tender kisses. “All yours, sweetheart,” he vowed, and those were the last words either of them spoke for a while.

 

They spent that night on the blanket with the stars twinkling over them, rediscovering each other. Wesley’s delicate hands gripped Will’s body as if it was the only thing keeping him rooted to Earth. He rested his forehead against Will’s broad chest, letting the steady thump of his lover’s heart wash over him. Will’s hands stroked through his hair; it was a little longer, and soft without the coating of gel that usually kept it tidy. For all that Will embodied the image of a perfect officer, he always loved glimpsing the uncontainable parts of Wesley that refused to bend to strict regulations. 

 

Will’s adoring caresses found lean muscle under California sun-kissed skin. Wes had grown just a little stronger and sharper, the last traces of youth barely lingering in his apple cheeks. Will suckled the hollow of his throat, and was amazed he didn’t come right there at the combination of velvet skin and breathy moans. Wes reached down and wrapped a hand around each of them, brushing his cock against Will’s in slow, shivery thrusts. 

 

They were both suddenly desperate to fulfill the aching need for each other, borne of too much time, too far apart. Wes let go only for a moment to grope for the lube, and Will couldn’t get the tube open fast enough. He coated his hand as Wes moved his legs up, and hummed in appreciation at the sight of his gorgeous lover spread out, ready for Will’s careful fingers.  _ A pity he doesn’t like classic lit - Homer would see him like this and think he was a young Apollo. _

 

He must have stared a bit too long, because Wes smirked at him and sat up, wrapping his arms around Will’s neck and kissing him deeply, his tongue slipping into his lover’s mouth for a long taste. Will’s hands trailed down to cup Wesley’s ass, and his fingers probed carefully between those soft cheeks. It had been so long, and Wes was so tight; he clung to Will’s shoulders and let out panting breaths while Will worked him open. 

 

Will guided him back to the floor, grasping his slick cock and positioning himself between Wesley’s legs. Wes looked past Will to the night sky far above them as Will slowly pushed inside, and in that moment Wesley felt more completely whole than he ever did at the Academy. Will filled his body and the stars filled his mind, and both had a firm hold on his heart. 

 

_ When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars _

 

Through his passionate haze, Will saw the unbridled joy in his lover’s eyes, and he swore time stopped for them, that the universe had given them this small piece of heaven, just so they could love each other and wonder at the sky. Will knew he’d do anything to safeguard that joy for Wesley, whatever it might mean for the future. 

 

_ And he will make the face of heaven so fine _

 

Wesley could keep pretending he wanted Starfleet, if he thought it would make Will happy. But he couldn’t forget the rush of clarity that washed over him when he helped the Traveler - or was the Traveler helping him? 

 

_ That all the world will be in love with night _

 

Will’s breath quickened and his thrusts became more urgent, and Wesley let the exhilarating memory of touching space-time crash into him. Will’s blue, blue eyes kept him grounded, the slide of their sweat-soaked bodies reminding him he was human.

 

_ And pay no worship to the garish sun _

 

He reached his climax, clutching at Will’s back and crying out his name. As Will’s orgasm followed, Wes gazed at the faraway stars and Will’s close, beautiful face, and wondered why he shouldn’t have both. 

 

Will collapsed on top of him, burying his flushed face in the warmth of Wesley’s neck. He wrapped his arms around Wes’ slender body, relaxing under his lover’s stroking hands. Just looking at Wesley made Will want to make love to him, and he wondered if there would ever be an end to this insatiable craving.

 

“Thank you for my birthday present, Will,” Wesley’s soft voice broke the dreamy silence. “I love you, more than anything.”

 

Will lifted his head to see the starlight reflected in Wesley’s gray-green eyes. “I’d give you the whole universe if I could, Wes,” he said, and in that moment nothing had ever been more true. “And I love you back.”


	22. Eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Wesley's reunion doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: this will be a rather long explanation/rant, so if you'd rather skip it and just get right to the chapter, feel free.
> 
> Ok, here goes:  
> I have a VERY love/hate opinion of the TNG episode "The First Duty." It's a masterfully-done episode, with great on-location scenes, a moral, high-stakes plot line and beautifully-acted, intense scenes. Apparently, the US Air Force Academy shows this episode to its cadets as an example of situational ethics, or at least they used to. The episode invites rounds of moral and ethical analysis, and therein lies the problem, at least as far as these particular characters are concerned.
> 
> First of all, I've never been particularly impressed with Captain Picard's moral superiority. Despite the British accent and posturing monologues, the character tends to bend or even break rules when it suits the situation. His treatment of Wesley in the first season is horrible; yes, yes, he makes him an acting ensign, but he also yells at him repeatedly, calls him "the boy," tells him to shut up, and clearly is only nice to him because he wants to bang the poor kid's mother. He finally warms up a bit in later seasons, and the "Final Mission" episode was downright heartwarming. 
> 
> Then we get to "The First Duty," where we can apparently erase ALL the goodwill Wes earned with the captain over the previous seasons (including saving the man's life on that desert planet - remember that, Captain?). Picard is cold and pitiless in this episode, and the scene where he confronts Wes (which everyone seems to love) shows him berating a young man who is clearly in distress. Wes needed his HELP, not a manipulative, self-righteous lecture. Picard's treatment of him makes the captain no better than Locarno. 
> 
> Speaking of Locarno, I HATE him as a character, and DESPISE how everyone else in the episode holds him up as a shining exemplar of leadership. Even the frigging groundskeeper says, "Nick is what makes that team special." Really? The same guy who bullied his teammates into doing something dangerous and illegal, and then bullied them into lying to cover it up? After being told that Nick "made an impassioned plea for the rest of you", even Wes says, "He protected the team." No, you poor, sweet, so-desperate-for-friends-that-you're-easily-manipulated genius, that's not what your buddy did. He knew he was up a creek, so he figured he'd scavenge a few scraps of goodwill by not getting the rest of you expelled, too.
> 
> Interestingly enough, Wesley is the only regular who actually behaves in-character. OF COURSE he's conflicted about what Nick is asking him to do; this is the kid who was about to be executed by the Planet of Naked People, and still found the courage to declare, "We're from Starfleet; we don't lie," which is terrible writing, but the point stands. He's shown again and again how much he cares for the people close to him, so he must have been out of his mind with guilt and grief over Josh while he tried to navigate Nick's manipulations and Picard's bullying. Apparently, the writers of this episode had quite the argument over whether Wesley should fess up or not, and I'm REALLY glad they had him do it, but I wish they hadn't made Picard bully him into it. Wesley's honest nature aside, it's the RIGHT THING TO DO. Some of the writers argued that it was wrong for Wes to turn on his friends, but we're not talking about a secret drinking party in the woods, here. We're talking about an illegal act that resulted in someone DYING, and keeping that secret to save their own skins is so abominable that it would have changed my entire view of the character.
> 
> So, with that off my chest, we can get back to my actual story. I really, really struggled through this one, mostly because I just didn't want to deal with it. Riker is barely in the actual episode, which was good news because it gave me a lot more flexibility with his part.
> 
> As always, I am sincerely grateful to everyone reading this, and especially to those of you who have taken the time to comment. Your comments breathe life into my writing brain - thank you!
> 
> I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, Wesley would have done the right thing, and then told Picard to go fuck himself.

 

Chapter 22: Eclipse

 

As soon as Will glanced up from his desk and saw Beverly Crusher’s face, he knew something was terribly wrong. She had rushed into his quarters, shoving her hands in her smock pockets to hide the shaking; her blue eyes, so similar to her son’s in shape and depth, if not in hue, radiated sorrow and worry. 

 

Will immediately stood and walked to her side. “Beverly, what’s the matter? Is it Wes? What happened?”

 

Dr. Crusher straightened her back and visibly calmed herself, a trick he had seen Wesley use with varying success. “I just spoke to Jean- to the captain. The flight team had an accident during a training run.” She raised a hand to stave off Will’s barrage of questions. “Wes is ok; he was injured, but not badly. All the ships were destroyed and one of the other cadets was...was killed.”

 

Will stared at her, his brain rewinding through the last couple of weeks. Wes had insisted everything was fine, although Will didn’t entirely believe him. They were both very much looking forward to their reunion. Wes wanted to go off-campus for dinner after the commencement flight, so Will had planned to take him to a sushi bar he remembered from his own Academy days. 

 

_ “Sushi? Like, raw fish?” _

 

_ Will laughed through the comm screen at his lover’s wary expression. “They have cooked dishes, too. Best dumplings in San Francisco, in fact.” _

 

_ Wes’ answering smile wasn’t as bright as usual, and that scraping voice of worry started muttering in the back of Will’s mind. He took in the shadows under Wesley’s hazel eyes, and the tense set of his mouth and shoulders, and wished they could just skip the flight team’s performance and get right to the part where Wes was nestled safely in his arms. _

 

_ “You doing okay, sweetheart?” he asked, and then joined in for the inevitable response - “I’m fine.” _

 

_ Wes gave a humorless chuckle. “Really, Will, I’m just tired. Nick’s been working us pretty hard. He really wants everything to go perfectly next week.” He paused before saying, almost to himself, “It *needs* to be perfect.” _

 

Now, Beverly was holding back tears and telling him how her only child, the man he loved, had flown within an inch of death and was lucky to escape with some burns and a fractured arm, while someone else’s child hadn’t survived at all. What the hell had gone wrong?

 

Will ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “Have you been able to talk to Wes?”

 

Her flaming curls gave an irritated shake. “I sent him a message, but he hasn’t answered me yet. We should be in Earth’s orbit in the next couple of hours, and then the captain and I will beam right to the Academy. There’s going to be an inquiry panel; I want to make sure Wes is feeling up to it.”

 

Will’s mouth quirked at the mental image of Beverly Crusher marching in and demanding that Admiral Brand delay the inquiry until her baby boy was feeling better. Then he realized the full impact of what she’d said. “If the captain’s going with you, I should stay here in command.”

 

She patted his arm sympathetically. “I’m sure the captain will be back and forth; you can visit Wes in between.” She walked toward the door and paused at the threshold. “He’s alive, Will. Everything’s fine now.”

 

As the door slid shut, Will recognized another Crusher trick: the fine art of self-deception.

 

~

 

After negotiating the minefield of his mother, Captain Picard and Nick Locarno, Wesley finally shut the door to his dorm and rested his head against the cool surface. His mind was racing and his arm and chest ached; he was grateful for some solitude, even though he knew he wouldn’t sleep. He at least needed to appear calm before he called Will.

 

A firm knock shattered that attempt. Wes briefly considered not answering, pretending he was asleep or gone, when the voice he loved best in the universe came through the closed door.

 

“Wes, are you in there? It’s me.”

 

As soon as Wes opened the door, Will swept in and wrapped his arms around him. Wes held him tightly, pressing his face against Will’s broad chest and trying to hide the threatening tears. Will stroked the back of his head and murmured into his smooth hair.

 

“You have no idea how sick I was, worrying about you.” He pulled back to look Wes in the eye and ran his fingers very lightly across his breastbone. “How are your injuries? Did your mother get a look at you? You should come up to Sickbay so she can check you out…”

 

Wesley gazed silently at Will until his nervous chatter died away. A yawning pit opened in his stomach, and he wanted nothing more than to unburden his conscience to Will.  _ I can’t, I can’t do that to him, he’d be duty-bound to report it, and it’s mine to carry.  _ So he swallowed hard and said the only thing he knew to be true at that moment. “I love you, Will. I missed you.”

 

Will cupped his lover’s thin, exhausted face in his hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Love you back, Wes, more than anything. I know it’s been a long day; you must be beat.” He hesitated before asking quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Wes shook his head and looked down at the floor. “I just want to go to bed. I have to be up early tomorrow.” He looked back up to meet Will’s blue eyes. “I don’t want...I mean, you shouldn’t be at the inquiry, Will. It’s not...you just shouldn’t be there.”

 

Red alert klaxons were screaming in Will’s brain, but he wasn’t about to upset Wes even further by arguing with him. “Okay, sweetheart. Why don’t we get you into bed? I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

 

Wes nodded and turned toward his bed, grabbing a pair of sleep pants and a T-shirt from the top of the dresser. Will frowned at the glimpse of Wesley’s bare torso while he changed; his ribs and collarbone were too prominent, and Will made a mental note to cajole him into eating later. Wes finally lay back and let Will pull a blanket over him. One slim hand snuck out and rested on Will’s knee.

 

“Thanks for coming, Will. I’m so sorry about all this. It’s not how I pictured us being together again.” 

 

Will clucked his tongue and bent down to lay a gentle kiss on Wesley’s lips. “We’ll get through this, Wes. All I care about is that you’re safe.” He stroked a hand down Wesley’s soft cheek, and Wes closed his eyes. “Now get some sleep.”

 

Will hummed a jazz tune as Wesley’s breathing evened out. Once he was sure Wes was asleep, he went to his desk and rummaged for some notepaper, smiling when he found the leather wristband inlaid with his old communicator. When Wes woke up the next morning after a fitful sleep, he found the wristband on his bedside table with a note that read simply  _ Love you back.  _ Before he left the room, he slipped the band on his wrist and the note into his pocket, and hoped it would provide some protection against the coming storm.

 

~

 

“How’d it go today?” Will’s frustration at not being able to attend the inquiry was obvious, and it was made worse by Wesley’s seeming avoidance of him. It had taken two separate messages before Wes called him back, and now that they were finally talking, Wes was distant and distracted. 

 

Wes shrugged through the comm screen. “Fine, I guess.”

 

Will was starting to hate that word. “Really? Your mother didn’t think so when I talked to her earlier.”

 

Wesley’s downcast eyes snapped up. “Why did you bother asking me, then?”

 

Will ignored the question. “If everything’s fine, then why did the captain have Geordi and Data analyze the flight recorders?”

 

A sudden panic flared in Wesley’s eyes. “He...he what?”

 

_ He’s terrified.  _ Will ran a frustrated hand through his hair. It didn’t take a Betazoid to see Wes wasn’t telling him everything, and Will didn’t have the time or patience to tiptoe around him. He hated doing it this way, but he couldn’t help Wes with whatever was going on if he didn’t know what that was. Will set his shoulders and put on his First Officer Face. “Wesley, what the hell is this really about?” 

 

Wes gave him such a heartbroken look that Will instantly regretted his hard line. He took a deep, shuddering breath and twisted his hands nervously in front of him. “The inquiry isn’t going ok, Will. Nick...he told the panel that Josh panicked and that’s what caused the accident.”

 

“Did he panic?”

 

Wesley’s voice came out more bitter than Will had ever heard it. “Oh, I’m sure he did. You’d panic too if your plane was on fire and spinning out of control. But that’s not what caused the crash.  _ It wasn’t his fault _ .” He dropped his eyes back to his clenched hands. “I tried to argue with Nick about it after the inquiry ended for the day. He said we needed to stick together and protect ourselves.”

 

From Wesley’s limited descriptions of Cadet Locarno, Will’s opinion of him had gone from unimpressed to hostile in a short amount of time. His words came out more biting than he intended. “So it’s ok to pin the blame on the cadet who’s no longer here? And what the hell do you have to protect yourself from? Just tell the truth, Wesley.”

 

“It’s not that simple! And when Geordi and Data give their report, the flight recorder will contradict my testimony.”

 

Will stared at him, trying to absorb what Wes had said. “What are you...what do you mean, Wesley? Whatever’s going on, you have to report it; it’s your duty.”

 

Wesley’s sweet face crumbled, exhaustion and grief darkening his eyes to an iron gray. A stab of regret hit Will square in the chest, but before he could apologize, Wes choked out a response, sounding hollow and defeated. “I don’t need you to tell me what my duty is, Will; I have enough people passing judgment on me. I can’t take it from you, too.” His eyes stayed fixated on the table, where he was squeezing his hands so tightly his knuckles had gone white. 

 

Will took a deep breath and tried to make his voice level, but it came out almost pleading. “Wes, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on so I can help you. If something’s wrong with the flight recorder, talk to me and we’ll fix it.”

 

“It’s not the recorder! You can’t fix this, Will.” Wesley lifted his head to look in Will’s eyes. “Please, just leave it alone.”

 

_ Not a chance.  _ Will’s most important mission in life was to protect Wesley, even if that meant protecting him from himself. He was the  _ Enterprise _ ’s First Officer, for chrissake; he didn’t need anyone’s permission to beam down to Earth. But arguing about it wouldn’t accomplish anything, and Wes looked ready to fall to pieces, anyway. He tried to sound reassuring. “Ok, Wes. It’s ok. Why don’t you go get some sleep?”

 

Wesley finally unclenched his fists and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, ok, Will. I’ll call you after the panel tomorrow.” His eyes were brimming with anguish, and Will knew he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. 

 

“Love you, sweetheart,” he murmured.

 

Wesley opened his soft lips and looked like he wanted to say much more, but all that came out was a whispered, “Love you back.”

 

~

 

First thing the next morning, Will left his quarters for the transporter room. He wouldn’t disturb the inquiry, but he wanted to be there for Wes as soon as it ended, and he figured he could visit some old colleagues while he waited. Unfortunately, his industrious mood was short-lived, as he rounded a corner and almost collided with Mission Specialist Kyle Riker.

 

_ I forgot he was working at HQ. Fuck it all.  _ “What the hell are you doing here?” Will snapped, glaring at the elder Riker.

 

“Nice to see you, too, Will. I saw the  _ Enterprise  _ was in town; thought I’d come up and say hi.” Kyle’s blue eyes - an annoyingly perfect match to Will’s - narrowed in rare concern. “I, um, I heard one of your cadets was involved in that accident over at the Academy. Damn shame. Your guy make it out ok?”

 

“He’s  _ fine. _ ”

 

“Good; that’s good.” Kyle shifted uncomfortably - an unusual gesture for him. “I heard about you and that cadet, and...well, people talk, that’s all.” He licked his lips and seemed to actually consider his next words. “You two are pretty close, huh?”

 

_ Nosy bastard; he’s probably been sweet-talking everyone on board to get dirt on me.  _ Will clenched his fists against his sides to keep from punching Kyle in the face. “Mind your own business.” 

 

“I think who my son...is with... _ is  _ my business.”

 

Will turned on him with barely-controlled fury. “No. It’s. Not.” He caught an inquisitive look from a passing crewman and quickly adjusted his tone to a low hiss. “Stay out of this. I mean it.”

 

Kyle put his hands up in surrender. “Sure, Will. Just...you can talk to me if you need to, ok?”

 

Will snorted as he turned to stride away. “I don’t need to talk. And if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be to you.”

 

He didn’t even bother enjoying Kyle’s dismayed look as he continued down the hallway to the transporter room. At that moment, he needed to be on Earth for the man he loved, not on the ship trading barbs with his egotistical father. Wesley had all his love, always, and Will was confident that no accident or mistake could change that.

 


	23. Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley tells the truth, and it only costs him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of the "Nova Squad Incident" part of the story. It's a pretty long chapter, but I just couldn't find a good place to divide it (and really, I desperately wanted to get the angst over with). A galaxy of shining stars to those of you who have kept up with me so far, especially those of you who have commented. Your comments make the work I put in to this story worth it! 
> 
> In my rant about "The First Duty," I forgot to mention that in canon, Wesley's greatest fear is SOMEONE DYING BECAUSE OF A CHOICE HE MAKES. It's dealt with in "Coming of Age," and again in "Pen Pals" (to Riker, no less). Not to beat a dead horse, but that makes Picard's treatment of him in "The First Duty" even more awful. 
> 
> If I owned Star Trek, Wesley would have gotten all the emotional support he deserved, instead of his family dropping him like a hot potato the moment he messed up. Speaking of which, I also remembered that in the episode "Lower Decks" (I think it was that one), Sito Jaxa is an ensign on the Enterprise and Worf helps her move past her guilt over the Nova Squad accident. On the other hand, all Wes got was a "Your life's gonna suck from now on, kid. Have fun staying here where everyone hates you." Okay, bitter rant over. At least until the next chapter.

 

Chapter 23: Blackout 

 

Wesley knew exactly how that day’s panel would go - in fact, he had already foretold it in his conversation with Will the night before. Still, he couldn’t have possibly prepared for the pit that opened in his stomach when the images from the flight recorder appeared on the screen, showing five ships in a very different formation from the one he had described in his testimony. Even worse than the panel’s interrogation was the look of confusion on his mother’s face, and the sudden understanding on the captain’s. 

 

The moment the panel was dismissed for the day, Wesley rushed out of the room for the relative safety of his dorm. His nerves were beyond frayed, and it was hard enough to think clearly without having to deal with his mother, or the captain, or Nick, or Jean or Sito or Admiral Brand or  _ Josh _ …

 

By the time he got to his room, Wes was ready to curl up in his bed and sob. He shoved open the door and, quite unexpectedly, ran straight into Will’s arms. Before he realized who it was, he had backed up into the wall and choked down a frightened yell.

 

Will quickly erased the shocked expression on his face. “Wes, it’s ok! It’s just me! I’m sorry, the door’s set to admit anyone ranked commander and above...sweetheart,  _ calm down _ .”

 

Wesley forced his back to straighten and tried to breathe deeply through his nose.  _ Calm down calm down calm calm calm. He already knows something’s wrong, I can’t dump this mess on him.  _ “Sorry...I’m sorry. You just...surprised me.” He tried to give Will a smile, but he knew it came out as a grimace. “I’m really tired, Will. I just want to go to bed.”

 

Will’s brow deepened in a frown. “It’s still afternoon. I mean, I’m sure you haven’t been sleeping well, but why don’t we go to an early dinner? Then you can come home and sleep.”

 

Wesley’s head was swimming.  _ Home? Home to the dorm or home to the Enterprise? Will the ship still be my home when you find out what I did? Nick said it would be fine and it’s not. When the fuck did everything get so complicated?  _ Will was looking at him through narrowed blue eyes and Wes was so tired and his chest wouldn’t stop throbbing. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth with no idea of what would come out, and was cut off by the insistent beep of his comm panel.

 

Will stepped toward him and reached out to put a hand lightly at the small of his back. “Wes, aren’t you going to answer that? It might be important.”

 

Moving away from Will’s hand, Wesley swallowed down a mouthful of bile when he read the message. He felt Will’s intense gaze and looked up at him.  _ I love you more than anything, Will; that’s why I can’t drag you down with me. Please, please understand.  _ “It’s...it’s the captain. He wants me to go up to the ship to...talk.”

 

“Oh, ok. Well, we can go up together.” He took in Wesley’s colorless face and too-thin form. “Then we can get dinner in Ten Forward, or in my quarters. Whatever you want.” When Wes didn’t move, Will stood in front of him and cupped his ashen face. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go.” He planted a gentle kiss on Wesley’s forehead and led him to the door.

 

Back up on the ship, Wesley let Will walk him to the captain’s Ready Room. He slumped his shoulders and clenched his fists to keep from shaking, and tried to ignore Will’s worried looks. In the turbolift, Will wrapped him in his arms and held him tightly against his chest.

 

“It’s going to be fine, Wes. Whatever the captain asks, just tell the truth.”

 

Wesley looked up into those blue eyes that he loved, and decided to risk laying everything out, gambling that Will’s love was unshakeable. He would find out the truth, anyway, and Wes preferred that it come from him and not an official announcement. He took a step back from the comfort of Will’s embrace, swallowed hard, and ordered the lift to stop. Will lifted an eyebrow expectantly.

 

“The truth is...I told the panel that our ships were in a diamond slot position when we crashed. They weren’t. They were in a starburst formation.” The dawning realization in Will’s eyes pierced his heart, but Wesley couldn’t seem to stop the confession pouring from his own lips.  _ Go big or go home, right?  _ “Nick said...I mean,  _ the team _ decided to try a maneuver that was banned years ago because it was so dangerous. Josh’s ship got too close to Jean’s and started a chain reaction…” He trailed off when Will put his hand up.

 

“Stop, Wesley. Just stop. Is this what the captain wants to talk to you about?” At Wesley’s nod, he continued, “And this...maneuver...you agreed to this?” Another nod. “And you lied to the inquiry about it?”

 

Wesley flinched at the word  _ lie _ . Had he lied? Nick had made it sound like he was just evading the point to protect the team. It had made sense at the time, but now, faced with Will’s outraged look, Wesley couldn’t for the life of him remember why. “Yes,” he whispered, and flinched again when Will took a step away from him.

 

“Wesley.” Will’s stern tone made Wes acutely aware of the ache in his chest that had nothing to do with his injuries. He looked Will in the face and tried to ignore his sinking heart. Will stared at him silently for a moment before spitting out,  _ “How could you?” _

 

_ How could I what? Break the rules? Lie to the admiral? Throw my dead friend under the bus? Alienate my mother and the captain? Do something so heinous that even you can’t forgive me? Exactly which crime do you want me to answer for, Will?  _

 

Instead of waiting for an answer, Will clenched his hands and spoke to a spot somewhere above Wesley’s head. “You need to tell the captain all of it. The entire truth. And then you need to tell the panel.” Glancing at Wesley’s devastated face, Will’s resolve almost broke, but this was too damn important. “Understand?”

 

Wesley nodded and stared at the floor. He couldn’t handle the reproach on Will’s face, condemnation flashing from his arctic eyes. He felt small and alone, and every step seemed wrong, like the world had suddenly gotten too big and was teetering off-kilter.  _ I bet on you still loving me, Will. I should have known better, considering how much I suck at poker. The house always wins.  _

 

Will’s frigid voice broke the strained silence. “Resume lift.” 

 

~

 

After the captain’s verbal beating, Wes raced out of the Ready Room and stopped short when he saw Will waiting in the corridor. He had his master poker face firmly in place, and Wes decided he may as well make one more last-ditch attempt to explain himself, since it was all going to hell anyway.

 

“I told the captain everything, and tomorrow I’ll tell the panel.” Will didn’t blink, and Wes reached a shaking hand toward him. “Will,  _ please _ …”

 

“You should head back to campus. I hope you do the right thing tomorrow.”

 

Wesley dropped his hand as a wave of anger washed over him.  _ I’m trying to do the right thing, goddammit! Nick and the captain are pushing me in different directions, and no one’s on my side, and now you’re giving up on me like everyone else. How much can you love someone when you drop them as soon as they mess up? _

 

Without another word, Will turned on his heel and marched away, and Wesley stood listening to his life shattering around him.

 

~

 

With the  _ Enterprise  _ docked in Earth’s orbit, Ten Forward was nearly empty the next morning, and Will decided he had earned the right to a liquid breakfast after a sleepless night. He parked himself at the bar and rubbed both palms over his bearded face. His self-righteous outrage at Wesley had faded away, only to be replaced by a sickening anguish.  _ What did I do to us? And what do I do *now*? _

 

“What’ll it be, Commander?”

 

Will glanced up at Guinan’s familiar question, and her gently playful smile instantly put him at ease.  _ Like Wesley’s, when he used to smile.  _ “Bourbon, please, Guinan. Neat. And real. No synthetic crap.”

 

She raised a non-existent eyebrow while reaching under the bar. “I heard it’s been a rough few days.”

 

Will snorted as he watched the amber liquid slide into his glass. “You could say that.” He took a sip and let the bourbon burn its way down his throat. “What do you know about love, Guinan?”

 

One side of her mouth quirked. “It’s the most consistent thing in the universe, and also the most contradictory.”

 

“What the hell does that mean? I can’t handle riddles today.”

 

“It means it can make or break you, it’s reliable and unpredictable, and,” she paused and eyed Will knowingly, “it means you love someone for their virtues  _ and  _ their faults.”

 

_ Of course she knows exactly what I’m talking about.  _ “Lying about how someone died is a pretty big fault, Guinan.”

 

She nodded sagely, her giant headpiece resembling the saucer section in flight. “It is. But what you need to decide is if it’s a mistake, or if it’s a part of who someone is. You can’t change someone’s identity, Will. But you can choose to forgive a mistake.”

 

More than anyone on the ship, Will trusted Guinan’s perspective (and her taste in bourbon). He knew she was right, but the First Officer part of his brain clung to judgment. The members of Nova Squadron needed to learn their lesson and pay for what they did. Will’s sense of duty wouldn’t allow him to shield Wesley from that, as much as he might want to. He sighed and lifted the glass to his lips, when he heard a familiar, unwelcome voice behind him.

 

“That’s some good-looking booze you got there, Guinan. Think I could get in on a glass?” Kyle Riker slid onto the stool next to Will’s, and the younger Riker unconsciously nudged his seat away. “Oh, hey Will. Thought I might find you here.”

 

“Well, you did.”  _ Now what the fuck do you want? _

 

Kyle tried to lean casually on the bar, but the lines that appeared on his forehead gave him away. “I’ve been keeping tabs on that Academy mess. I heard your...that  _ Enterprise  _ cadet came clean this morning.”

 

“Oh?” The sun had barely risen in San Francisco; Wesley must have gone to the admiral sometime around dawn. In spite of his recent anger, that inescapable need to care for Wes jumped to the front of his brain.  _ He’s not sleeping or eating; no wonder he can’t think straight. He likes apple pie with ice cream; do they have that in the Academy mess hall? _

 

His worried musings were interrupted by Kyle’s buzzing commentary. “I suppose he’s screwed no matter what he does at this point. That’s an awful lot of pressure on one cadet, don’t you think?” He peered sideways at Will. “Hopefully he’s got someone he can lean on.”

 

Will couldn’t take anymore of the elder Riker’s condescending bullshit. “When the hell did you get a counseling degree?”

 

Kyle took the drink Guinan was holding out and sipped from it. “Ah, breakfast of champions. Thanks, Guinan.” He turned back to Will, who was surprised to see a faint spark of sincerity in his blue eyes. But that could have just been the lighting. “Even good people make mistakes, Will; it doesn’t make them less good. It just makes them people.”

 

Jesus, had Guinan been giving out sensitivity lessons?  _ You weren’t this forgiving when the cops brought me home drunk the day I crashed your custom landspeeder into a tree.  _ “I thought I told you to stay out of this.” He wanted to be pissed, but found he couldn’t muster the energy for it.

 

“Cards on the table, Will. You love the kid, don’t you?”

 

Will glared into his bourbon. “Of course I do, and he’s not a kid. Not that it’s any of your business.”

 

“Do you think he knows what he did was wrong?”

 

“Yes. The guilt...it’s killing him.”

 

“So do you really think he needs you condemning him along with everybody else?”

 

Will clenched his hand around his glass. “I’m doing no such thing! The inquiry panel will determine what he deserves.”

 

Kyle nodded. “They will; that’s their job. And if you love him like you say you do, then you should be worrying less about what he deserves and more about what he needs.”

 

It killed Will to admit Kyle was ever right about anything, and he’d be damned if he’d give him credit out loud. He made quick work of his drink, nodded to Guinan, and left Ten Forward for the nearest transporter room.

 

~

 

Wesley sat alone in the empty inquiry room because he didn’t know where else to go. He had come clean to the panel, received his punishment, listened to the captain’s final words of wisdom. Case closed, sentence handed down, lesson learned. Please return to your regularly scheduled lives.

 

Except the life he knew was gone, obliterated in one spectacular explosion of bad judgment. Even though he was allowed to stay at the Academy, Wesley wasn’t sure he had the heart to finish, especially having to make up a year. Josh was dead, his former teammates despised him, and his mother and the captain, after dispensing their sage advice, had returned to the  _ Enterprise  _ without a backward glance. Still, he might have been able to bear all of that, if he hadn’t lost Will, too.

 

A choked sob rose in his throat, and he slumped miserably in his chair, shuddering as hot tears slipped down his cheeks. His whole body ached, sharper and deeper just over his heart, where the burns on his chest had barely healed. A well of grief and guilt opened in front of him, blocking the way to any other future he may have had, and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

Through his crying jag, he dimly heard the soft click of a door, followed by measured footsteps approaching him. Probably a senior officer coming to clear the room.  _ I gave you what you wanted, and it destroyed me; can’t you leave me in peace for one moment? _

 

And then a warm, steady hand smoothed very gently over his head and stopped to rest at the nape of his neck, and Will’s soothing voice greeted him. “You know, I’d rather break my own heart than see you cry.”

 

Wes raised his burning eyes as Will sat beside him, keeping a comforting arm around his shoulders while Wes calmed himself. “I thought you didn’t want to see me,” he finally muttered, wiping at his face with his uniform sleeve.

 

Will hesitated. “Yeah, well, I needed to...to get my head straight. I’m sorry I walked away, Wes. It’s just been a tough couple of days.” Will caught himself when he read the pain flooding Wesley’s eyes. “I know it’s been so much worse for you, between the accident and the inquiry and...and everything.”

 

Wes looked down at his clenched hands, and focused on digging his fingernails as deeply into his palms as he could. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now, Will.” He let out a shaking breath and unconsciously rubbed a hand over his chest. “And it  _ hurts. _ God, it hurts so much.”

 

“I know it does, Wes. I wish I could make it better for you.”

 

They sat quietly together, Will’s arm firmly around Wesley’s narrow shoulders. Despite Will’s reassuring presence, Wes couldn’t sort out where he stood with anyone anymore. He stared down at his lap and crossed his arms tightly over his broken heart. “So...I guess it’s over now, isn’t it?”

 

Will raised a confused eyebrow. “Your career? Not at all. You’ll learn from this and get past it, Wes.” He rolled his eyes at himself as he echoed Kyle’s advice. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

 

“No, not that; my career isn’t...I’m not worried about that right now. I was talking about us.” Wesley’s voice was heavy with despair, and his body tightened against the blow of Will’s rejection.

 

After a long moment, Will’s fingers gently lifted Wes’ face to look him in the eye. “Do you think I only love you when everything’s going great? What kind of person would that make me?”

 

Wes stared at him. “What kind of person does the things I’ve done? You deserve better than me, Will.”

 

Will almost laughed at the idea that there was anyone better for him than Wesley. “Do you know all the reasons I love you, Wes?” Wes shook his head and Will gave him a tender smile. “Neither do I. There are so many it would be like...like trying to count the stars.” He brushed a thumb across Wes’ damp cheek. “Remember how much you love the stars? That’s how I feel about you.”

 

“But the accident…”

 

“...is not who you are, sweetheart. It was a terrible mistake, and you’ll have to deal with it, but it’s not who you  _ are _ .” He looked into Wesley’s bloodshot eyes, and desperately missed their emerald sparkle. He was supposed to take care of this man he loved, but lately he had been neglecting his duty. Time to rectify that. “I’m here for you all the time, Wesley, no matter how far apart we are.” He reached into his pocket and placed a small, black sphere on the table, pressing the bottom as he did so. 

 

The holographic Milky Way galaxy sprang into view, and something warm flickered in Wes’ eyes as he recognized his own handiwork. “I wish we were traveling out there together, Will,” he murmured, gazing at the planets dancing around each star.

 

“We’ll get there, Wes. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. Ok?”

 

Wes gave a slow nod, and Will pulled him closer and wrapped his strong arms around him like a shield. Wesley finally relaxed into Will’s embrace, burying his face against his neck. He wanted to run away, to abandon the Academy and the Fleet with their cold, unforgiving restrictions, but that would mean leaving Will, and his heart wouldn’t allow it, no matter how much it hurt. 

 

“I love you more than the stars, Will.”  _ I don’t want this life, but I can struggle through it, if it means I get to be with you. _

 

“Love you back,” Will whispered, and leaned down to kiss Wesley’s temple. Wes lifted his head and pressed his mouth to Will’s, drinking in his strength and his love.

  
  
  



	24. Event Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley just has to make it through his trip home without falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I’m posting this chapter from a tablet instead of my usual laptop, so hopefully the formatting isn’t all wonky (if it’s really messed up, I’ll repost from home later this week). Second, I could write an entire treatise on my displeasure with the episode “Journey’s End,” But after “The First Duty” I’ll try to keep this relatively short.
> 
> I actually was not against Wesley leaving Starfleet to join the Traveler. I think it made sense for his character arc; there were enough hints throughout his time on the show that he was meant for something different, and I always felt like he was shoved into the Fleet by the adults around him. Wes was so pure and sweet and devoted to science, and, let’s face it, Starfleet is really a paramilitary organization; I don’t think he would have been happy living his life that way. So good for him for bucking expectations and deciding for himself what was best for him.
> 
> On the other hand, every time I watch that episode, I get more and more appalled by everyone’s treatment of him, especially his mother and Picard. Let’s not forget that the last time we saw Cadet Crusher was when HIS FRIEND DIED AND HE WAS BULLIED INTO COVERING IT UP AND THEN BULLIED AGAIN INTO TELLING THE TRUTH. But instead of acknowledging his probable PTSD, depression and general misery, his mother’s all “What’s HIS problem?” The she goes to Picard for advice, and his stellar parenting tip is “Just ignore him and he’ll get over it,” further proving that Picard’s an asshole.
> 
> I practically cheered at the end when Wes told Picard off, pretty much calling him out for being a huge hypocrite. Then they all kissed and made up before the credits, because it is TNG, after all.
> 
> So I’m changing THAT storyline, because it’s my story and Wes deserved better. Here’s the first part; enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> On another note, dear readers, we’re getting close to the finish line; I think a couple more chapters should do it. I’ve become pretty invested in my boys, and I’m toying with doing some more “slice of life” one-shots. If anyone has anything related to Wes/Will that they’re dying to see fictionalized, let me know in the comments. I can’t promise I’ll come through on it, but prompts help unstick my writing brain.
> 
> Billions and billions of starry kisses to everyone taking the time to read this, and a billion more to everyone who has commented. I hope it’s been worth it!
> 
> I don’t own Star Trek, but if I did, Traveler Wes would have met Peter Quill and joined the Avengers.

Chapter 24: Event Horizon

Wesley packed everything that was important to him into one backpack, including his father’s hologram, an info chip containing all his class notes and another chip with every letter from his mother and Will. He only had two weeks before the next semester began, but he didn’t want to leave those items behind. Several months ago, he had come back to the dorm after a long day to find his door lock hacked and a model of the Enterprise that had been on his desk smashed on the floor, with a nasty note referencing Nova Squad next to it. He had cleaned up the broken pieces with shaking hands, and then gone into the bathroom and turned on the shower so his roommate wouldn’t hear him cry.

It wasn’t the first or last such incident, and he was careful to keep those moments from Will, even though he knew Will wasn’t fooled. Every call, they played the same game; Will asked him how things were going, Wes said fine, Will’s blue eyes narrowed, Wes changed the subject, Will let it go. Every time, until Will surprised Wes by digging his heels in about the upcoming class break.

_“I have a lot of work to do, Will. I really shouldn’t leave.”_

_“You can work here.” Will gave him that probing look that made Wes want to break down and pour his pain out to him. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself, have you?”_

_Wesley started to feel a familiar, vague panic rise in his chest. “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, sweetheart, that your face is too thin and you have circles under your eyes.” He was frowning, but his next words were gentle and soft. “Please come home, Wes.”_

_Wesley glanced up from his comm screen at the sterile, impersonal room and remembered the broken starship on the floor. He thought about Will’s quarters, with his trombone in one corner that he’d play if Wes asked, and Will’s bed, with its satin sheets and thick blankets that Will accused him of stealing at night. Then he thought of Will, with his tender kisses and crinkling eyes and strong, safe arms, and suddenly he desperately needed to go home._

His shuttle reached the _Enterprise_ in the middle of the ship’s night, so Wes was surprised to see Will waiting for him in the bay. At Will’s welcoming smile, Wes wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed his face into Will’s shoulder. Will hugged him back tightly, breathing softly against his ear.

“Missed you, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re home.”

Home was wherever Will happened to be, and Wes suddenly felt like weeping. No one had greeted him with anything close to kindness since the accident, and now he was safe in the arms of the man he loved best in the universe. Even though he had just arrived, his stomach was already twisting at the thought of having to leave.

Will took his hand as they walked to the First Officer’s quarters. “Your mom wanted to meet you, but I told her she should get some sleep. I had the late shift anyway,” he explained with his charming smile, and Wes wondered if that was really true. His mother’s letters had seemed off lately, as if even her written words were disappointed in him. To be fair, Wes hadn’t been particularly patient with anyone, and his mother was less inclined to brush it off the way Will did.

When they finally entered Will’s rooms, Wes sighed with relief, dropped his bag on the floor and headed straight to the bathroom. “Bed?” he asked over his shoulder.

Will followed him to the sink. “Good idea. I have first shift tomorrow, anyway. Then we’ll have the rest of the day together.” He slipped his arms around his lover from behind, resting his bearded chin on Wesley’s auburn head. Wes finished washing up and led Will to bed, undressing as they went. Once they were settled under the covers, Wes tried hard to unclench his heart and his body. _I’m here with Will, Will’s here with me, everything’s okay._

As if reading his mind, Will propped up on his arms and pressed a hand to Wesley’s cheek. “I love you, Wes. Feels good to be home, doesn’t it?”

_It feels good to be with you_. “Love you back,” Wes murmured, and leaned up to kiss Will’s smiling mouth.

Will’s arms wrapped around his body, and Wes pressed himself closer, his hands running along the older man’s broad shoulders. Will’s tongue nudged past his lips, and he welcomed it, both of them starving to taste each other again. Wes catalogued all the places where Will’s skin touched his, moaning softly into his lover’s mouth.

Will started to sit up so he could get a better view, but Wes tugged him back, pleading, “Don’t move away.”

“I have you naked in my bed; trust me, I’m not going anywhere.” Will tried to hide his worry behind a teasing grin. “I just want to look at you.”

Wes finally lay back and watched Will watching him. Will’s blue gaze swept from Wesley’s lovely, shadowed face, to the sharp crevice of his collarbone, down the spare lines of his chest. Will leaned down and kissed the ridges of Wesley’s rib cage, stopping only to rest his head against the pulsing beat of his lover’s heart.

Wes threaded a hand through Will’s thick hair, and Will continued his downward quest. His tongue traced a path from Wes’ navel, around his too-thin hips and down to his cock. He grinned at Wesley’s low moan.

“What do you want, sweetheart?”

“You.”

“Mmmm.” Will brushed his bearded chin against the soft crease of Wesley’s thigh. “You already have that.”

Wesley lifted his eyes to glimpse the stars outside the window over Will’s shoulder. “I want to be with you, Will.” _I want to run away with you._

Will moved up to look in Wesley’s hazel eyes, and frowned at the anxiety bleeding through his desire. “I’m right here, Wes,” he soothed, patting tenderly through Wesley’s hair. “Close your eyes and relax, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.”

Wes closed his eyes, but relaxing proved difficult. Will’s mouth and hands caressed his skin in slow, patient strokes, and Wes tried desperately to melt into his lover's touch. His mind was spinning and his body wouldn’t respond, and he started to misinterpret Will’s concern as annoyance. Will’s fingers inched further down his back, and the more he tried to relax, the tenser he got. Finally, Wes sat up and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Will,” he whispered miserably.

Large hands covered his, gently pulling them away from his face. “Wesley.” One look at those loving blue eyes told him Will wasn’t angry, but it didn’t make him feel better. Even the gentle tone of Will’s voice barely soothed him. “It’s been a rough term, hasn’t it?”

Wes nodded silently, knowing that if he opened his mouth the dam would burst. Will pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, then moved to sit behind him so Wes had an unobstructed view out the window. He trailed kisses along Wes’ naked shoulder, murmuring softly as he went. “I love you so much, Wes. I’ll do anything to help you, sweetheart.” His hot breath made Wesley’s skin vibrate, and his strong arms tightened around the younger man’s waist. “Please tell me what you need.”

_I need to leave the Academy and not look back, and I need to be with you forever, and I don’t know how I can do both._ He swallowed hard and watched the stars twinkle beyond the window. “I need…” _Cadet Crusher or Wesley? Will or the universe?_ “I just need a break.” _Will. Always._

He turned his back on the window and wrapped himself around Will, clutching tightly to his broad shoulders. Will’s hands wandered along his body, and Wesley narrowed his thoughts to focus only on Will’s soft caresses. He breathed deeply, brushing his lips against his lover wherever he could reach. His fingers trailed through the hair on Will’s chest, following the dark line all the way to his cock. Will let out a sigh as Wes’ hand wrapped around his solid length.

“Yes, sweetheart,” he whispered. He reached down to stroke Wes in turn, pressing their lips together as they moved.

“Will,” Wes whimpered, relaxing under the rush of desire, his body finally convinced that he was safe and loved. He hid his face in the heat of Will’s neck as he came, his muffled cry releasing months of dismay and self-doubt. He pulled back just enough to look in those bright blue eyes as he stroked Will to his climax.

His fledgling career was shot, his lofty view of the Fleet was shattered, and the stars were so far away. Will was here, solid and real and home, and although Wesley doubted he was worth it, at this point it was the only thing he had to hold onto.

~

Wesley woke with a start, and instantly tensed at the unfamiliar room. Realizing it was Will’s quarters, he took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing pulse. He looked up when Will strolled out of the bathroom, his damp hair sticking up and a towel wrapped low around his hips. He caught Wesley’s hungry gaze and grinned. “Good morning, beautiful. How’d you sleep?”

Wes’ voice came out rough with fatigue. “Fine.” His gray-green eyes tightened. “Are you going somewhere?”

Will arched an eyebrow. “Alpha shift. I mentioned it last night, remember?”

Wesley looked confused, then crestfallen, and Will’s concern jumped several notches. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Why don’t you visit with your mother, and maybe wander down to Engineering? I’m sure Geordi would appreciate the help. Then you can meet me back here for dinner.”

Wes reached up to rub a hand against his own neck. “I kind of have a headache, Will. Maybe I should just stay here and rest.”

Will hesitated, torn between his creeping worry and the dark shadows under Wes’ pretty eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed and opened his arms, and Wes curled into him. “Stay here as long as you want, Wes. Just...try to get out at some point, okay?” Wes nodded against Will’s bare chest, and Will tilted his lover’s face upward. “I know your mom will want to see you, and you might want to mention that headache.” Wes made a face; Will kissed him, then stood and headed for his closet.

Wesley watched him dress, trying to fight off the dark cloud settling in his chest. He didn’t want to see his mother, or Geordi; he didn’t even want to play around in Engineering, because that would mean having to interact with people. He wanted to hide under the blankets, rest his aching head, and spend the rest of the day unconscious until Will got back.

Will stopped by the bed for one more kiss before heading out. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.” He hesitated, worry creasing his blue eyes. “You’re home now, Wes. Everything’s okay.”

He walked out, and Wesley lay back and stared at the blank ceiling. He finally forced himself out of bed and headed for the shower, turning the water on as hot as it would go. Steam swirled around him while he fought back the tide of misery that heralded the start of every day. A vision flashed through him, of a path through the veil of space-time, leading to a future he couldn’t see.

Wesley forcefully shut down the forbidden train of thought. He needed to pull it together for Will. _Just another eighteen months, that’s all. Just block out the rest of the world and get it done. You’re doing this for Will, not for the damn Fleet._

He had to pretend everything was fine, at least well enough to keep Will from worrying. Wes left the shower and dressed with more care than usual, not a hair or seam out of place. He could fake happiness if it would satisfy Will and keep his mother off his back. And when he was alone, he was free to close his eyes and watch starbursts and warp bubbles float serenely, just out of reach.

~

The families and crew members of the _Enterprise_ were generally a friendly, welcoming lot, and they had a particular affection for their First Officer. It usually took Will a while to get down the corridors, since his own gregarious nature made it necessary to stop and chat with every person he passed. He was deep in a fascinating conversation with a young lieutenant about his wife’s pregnancy when a familiar, slim figure rushed past him and into a turbolift. Just before the doors closed, he glimpsed a face like a dark angel and stormy hazel eyes.

Excusing himself from the excited father-to-be, Will turned to see Beverly Crusher standing behind him, brows drawn together and mouth pressed in a tight line. “What happened, Bev?”

The doctor blew out her breath in a rush of exasperation. “I wish I knew. I just wanted to talk to him, and he blew up at me. Is it too much to ask that my own son have a conversation with me?””

“What were you talking about?”

“He had an argument with Geordi earlier. Apparently, the entire engineering department witnessed it.”

Will sighed. He had hoped Wes would take his suggestion and get around the ship a bit. Will figured it would be good for him, and he was pleased when a surreptitious computer query confirmed that Wes was walking the corridors earlier in the day. Apparently, things had gone south soon after. “I heard there was...an incident.” He hesitated, walking a precarious line between explanation and excuse. “I think things aren’t great at the Academy, Bev.”

“Oh, believe me, I know. I spoke to Admiral Brand earlier, and she said his grades are dismal. He’s missing classes, arguing with professors; I don’t know what his problem is, but he should be grateful he got a second chance after...”

She trailed off with a sigh, and Will stared at her in amazement. _How can you not see how much pain he’s in?_ Will had been handling Wes with kid gloves, and his mother was demanding he get over himself, and in the meantime, Wesley was drowning.

Beverly’s eyes softened a bit, and she suddenly looked sad. “I wish he’d let me help him, Will. I miss...I miss his smile.”

Will walked toward her and put his hands on her shoulders. “So do I,” he said gently. She looked right at him, and Will saw a familiar liquid shimmer in her blue eyes. Yes, he missed Wesley’s smile. He missed the way happiness beamed from his sweet face, the way excitement made him sparkle and how he lit up everything around him. He missed the playful optimism that always saw the good in everybody, and fueled Wesley’s irrepressible wonder.

And he was determined to get all of it back, regardless of what he had to give up in return. 


	25. Elysium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will finds a way to help Wes, but he's not at all happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I wrote at some length about my frustrations with the episode "Journey's End" already, but I actually did like the closure it gave to Wesley's Starfleet career. The Traveler shows up only a few times in the series, and always at crucial stages in Wesley's life. As I was writing, it also hit me that the Traveler is the only character to actually give Wes a CHOICE as to his future. Everyone assumes OF COURSE he'll become an officer, and they treat him accordingly. Way back in Season 1, when Wes fails the entrance exam, Picard tells him something like, "When you try next year - and you WILL try next year..." Such a firm statement - from his captain, no less - leaves Wes with zero chance to even consider different options. Even after the Nova Squad incident, Wes' family still sends him the message that, yes, your life sucks and everyone hates you, but you have no choice but to stay. Oh, and don't act out over it because we'll just ignore/lecture you. Good luck, kid.
> 
> Contrast the captain's attitude with that of the Traveler. Even after Wes freezes time in "Journey's End," the Traveler still says he'll help train him IF Wesley wants it. Wes grew up not even thinking he had a choice besides Starfleet, and you can actually see the relief on his face when he realizes that not only are there other options, but HE gets to decide for himself (Wil Wheaton really did a masterful job in this episode).
> 
> Anyway, I don't own Star Trek, but if I did, there would have been more episodes featuring Wes as a Traveler, and maybe a bit less arrogance from our dear captain.
> 
> I know I keep repeating myself, but I can't help it - thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone reading this thing my brain came up with. PLEASE comment and let me know what you liked or didn't like, or how you might have done the story differently. I know I'm not the only fan invested in these characters!

 

Chapter 25: Elysium

 

Will sat at his desk and watched the small red dots on the screen, tapping them one by one to identify people on board.  _ Dr. Crusher’s having tea with the captain - Lt. Verghese is working in Cargo Bay Two - Nurse T’Vek and Commander Patchett are secluded in the arboretum, now  _ that’s  _ interesting -  _ but Wesley’s whereabouts were a mystery, at least as far as the computer was concerned. Will sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face. None of the transporters had been used and all of the shuttles were accounted for, so Wes had to be on the ship, which meant that wherever he was, he didn’t want to be found. 

 

_ I just want to make things better for you, sweetheart, and I’m working on it, but you’ve got to meet me halfway, here.  _ Will glanced at his message screen for the thousandth time, scowling when he didn’t see the response he was waiting for. Taking active measures to help Wesley had kept him busy, but now Will had hit a wall and didn’t know where to turn next.

 

He closed the message screen with a frustrated swipe, and headed for the door without any clear idea of where he was going. Just before he reached the threshold, he caught a faint, flickering glow out of the corner of his eye, and then his communicator beeped to life.

 

_ Worf to Commander Riker. _

 

Will tapped the badge on his chest, turning to face the strange light. “Riker here.”

 

_ Sensors indicate an energy spike in the vicinity of your quarters. Do you require assistance? _

 

The glow in the room intensified, flashing like a beacon. Will probably should have been scared, or at least concerned, but he felt only a vague curiosity. The light began to color and solidify until it revealed a tall, bald, two-fingered humanoid with waxy skin and a serene demeanor. Will nodded in relief at his unconventional visitor, and remembered to answer Worf before the entire security team knocked down his door.

 

“No, no, everything’s fine, Worf.” The alien smiled benignly at him, and Will started to smile back before he remembered he wasn’t at all happy about this. “Stand down.”

 

Cutting off Worf’s reply, Will got within reach of the alien and glared with an imperious lift of his bearded chin. “Thank you for coming so...promptly. I’m Will Riker, _Enterprise_ ’s First Officer. I believe you called yourself the Traveler?”

 

The Traveler appeared more amused than intimidated, and nodded once in assent. “I am pleased to see you again, Commander. Is Wesley ready to meet with me?”

 

Will blinked in surprise at the Traveler’s abrupt question; the alien seemed to have an unassuming certainty about the situation that Will was sorely lacking. “He...he doesn’t know I called you.” Will’s voice turned gruff, and he had to keep reminding himself that this wasn’t about him. “He’s so unhappy with his life, with Starfleet, and I was hoping…”

 

“You were hoping I could help,” the Traveler finished. “What sort of help did you have in mind, Commander?”

 

Here it was, the moment of truth. Do or die, fish or cut bait, here-there-be-dragons, and all that.  _ How much do you love him, Will?  _ And the heartbreaking answer,  _ Enough to let him go. _

 

“He’s always been special - not just to me - and I know you’ve seen that. So I thought if I got you here, you might see if you could - I don’t know - teach him, or train him, or whatever it is you do.” Doubt and hesitation were unfamiliar to Will, and it made him resentful that this alien had gotten into places in Wesley’s head that Will couldn’t reach. “He needs help, ok? I know it’s a long shot, but I’m doing whatever I can think of to get him what he needs.”

 

The Traveler was still looking at him with that maddening serenity. “It’s not a ‘long shot’ at all, Commander. My meditations would have led me to him eventually. Your request simply hastened our meeting.”

 

Will didn’t like the sound of that. “Yeah, well, I’m not doing this for you.” He ran a hand over his face in frustration. “I don’t even know where he is right now,” he muttered.

 

The Traveler closed his eyes for a brief moment, then opened them and nodded toward the ceiling. “Above the top deck, there’s a narrow area for conduit nodes. It’s difficult to access, but it’s quiet.” Concern furrowed his bare forehead. “His mind is in such turmoil. It’s good that he found a quiet space.”

 

Instantly, Will forgot he was annoyed with this creature. “Can you help him? Please, I’ll do anything…”

 

“I know you will, Commander.” The Traveler’s gentle words were filled with understanding, and for the first time, Will felt like he and the alien were on the same side. “In each timeline, he has a choice to follow a different path. I can open the door for him; it’s up to him to walk through it.”

 

The light in the room flickered and focused again, until it seemed to beam from inside the alien’s body. Once the Traveler faded out, Will fell onto his couch and dropped his head in his hands, wondering if he had just traded his heart for Wesley’s happiness. He tried to convince himself that as long as Wes was doing what he loved, that was enough for him, but the assertion rang false.  _ I want you to be happy, sweetheart, and I never want to lose you. _

 

~

 

Between the crew’s communicators and the internal sensors, hiding on the  _ Enterprise  _ was nearly impossible. If you were, however, a former acting ensign who had once thrown a snowball at the captain’s bald head, you got pretty familiar with each tucked-away nook and cranny on the ship. And if you were a disillusioned cadet who was losing control of twenty years’ worth of repressed feelings, you’d make sure you used a hand-held shield of your own invention to confuse the sensors and effectively make yourself invisible.

 

From his cramped position among the wires and circuit boxes, Wesley battled a thousand warring emotions. He couldn’t even remember what the fight with his mother had been about, or why he had gotten so angry at Geordi. He only knew there were now two more people he could add to the list of those he’d alienated, and in his convoluted logic, that was why he needed to hide. He couldn’t afford to make Will hate him, too, so it was better to keep himself apart before he could ruin the only thing he still cared about.

 

Resting his aching head against the metal wall, Wesley closed his eyes and imagined he could hear the deep thrumming of the ship’s engines. His mind conjured the metronomic flash of the core, and he imagined the blue beat of pure energy flowing through him. The sensation was so vivid he swore he could actually see light flashing beyond his closed eyelids, and then he opened them and gazed at the wondrous scene before him.

 

The walls of his cramped hiding place had fallen away, and Wesley found himself standing - floating? swimming? - in the blackness of space. Delicate pinpricks of light twinkled in the far distance, and the warm glow of a closer star illuminated his surroundings. Turning slowly to take in the view, Wesley finally saw the Traveler, standing off to the side and regarding him with curious delight.

 

“Traveler...did you...did you do this?” Wes gestured to the limitless expanse surrounding them, and was hit by a sudden shot of panic. “What happened to the  _ Enterprise _ ?”

 

The Traveler’s face lit with a beatific smile. “Your ship is fine; she’s just over there.” He pointed to a spot to their left, and Wes squinted to make out a hazy, toy-sized outline of the ship.

 

“Why can’t I see it clearly? What did you do?”

 

The Traveler gave an approving hand clasp. “So curious; a good quality for an apprentice. We are on a different dimensional plane from the _Enterprise;_ that’s why it appears faint. And I promise, I have done nothing. You did this, and in time, you’ll do much more.” The alien opened his hands in a welcoming gesture. “If you wish it, of course.”

 

“But, the Academy…I...I have to finish to become an officer.” Wes shook his head, and the familiar ache of sadness and frustration began sharpening in his chest.

 

The Traveler regarded him carefully. “Do you want to become an officer?”

 

“Of course I want…” Wes started to recite the expected answer, but found he couldn’t get past the untruth of it. Trying to fake it had gotten him only grief, so what did he have to lose by admitting how he really felt? When he spoke again, his voice was calm and clear. “No, I don’t want that at all.”

 

The Traveler gave him an encouraging smile. “So what reason do you have to stay at the Academy?”

 

“None,” Wesley confessed. “I...I can choose to do whatever I want.” he looked up at the Traveler in dawning realization. “There are plenty of different ways to explore the universe.”

 

All his life, those raw pieces had been buried inside him, now and again bubbling up only to be pushed back down by his misguided ambitions.  _ Oh, now it makes sense. I was always meant to get here, even though I tried to fight it.  _ It was an exhilarating feeling, taking complete control of his life and his choices. Exhilarating, and terrifying, like flying straight through the heart of an asteroid belt.

 

He looked in wonder at the sparkling sky around him. “Is it possible?” he whispered, looking to the Traveler for confirmation. “Can you...will you show me how?” The alien nodded, and Wesley’s eyes strayed back to the little ship. “But if I go with you, that means leaving…” He trailed off, and the sickening knot once again tightened in his chest.  _ How can I leave Will when my entire heart belongs to him? _

 

The Traveler nodded. “You are torn between a new path and the person you love,” he stated, and Wesley was reminded of Guinan’s uncanny ability to read people. “Quite an impossible choice, I would say.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder, how many possibilities can one universe contain?”

 

Wes’ ears perked up at the hopeful note in the alien’s voice, and he felt his brain fall into the rote logic of his scientific training. “I suppose...I mean, if time and space are really the same thing, and you can teach me to break the barriers between them, then...then where I do that from doesn’t matter.”

 

The Traveler gave him a wide smile. “Very good, Wesley. You have learned the first rule of Traveling: there’s no such thing as impossible.”

 

~

 

If Will weren’t technically on duty, he would have been drowning in a bottle of Guinan’s best bourbon by now. The Traveler had disappeared over an hour ago, and Will was crazed with worry that went beyond Wesley’s physical safety.  _ He’ll choose to leave me to go with the Traveler, and it’s what’s best for him, but it’s going to kill me. _

 

In the midst of his brooding, Will spotted the same pulsing glow from earlier. He stood, expecting the mystical alien to appear with a full report on Wesley’s physical, mental and emotional health. Instead, the light materialized into a familiar, slender figure, with a cherubic face, bright hazel eyes, and a smile that Will thought had been lost.

 

“Hi, Will,” Wesley greeted him, looking more like himself than Will had dared hope for. “Guess what?”

 

Will crossed the room in long strides and wrapped Wes in his arms so tightly he had to remember to ease up a bit so he didn’t hurt him. For his part, Wes had attached himself to Will, burying his face in his lover’s neck and letting out a deep, relieved sigh. “I missed you,” he murmured, his soft lips raising goosebumps on Will’s skin.

 

“Missed you too, sweetheart,” Will answered.  _ Missed your smile, missed your shining eyes, missed your excited voice, missed your light.  _ Reluctantly, Will pulled back just enough to allow them both to breathe. “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?”

 

Wes’ face lit up with his brilliant smile, and Will almost cried at the riot of color sparkling in his eyes. “I saw the Traveler,” Wes stated.

 

Will huffed out a laugh. “Yes, I’m aware. He...um, he stopped by here first.”

 

Wesley eyed him suspiciously. “You messaged him, didn’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Will admitted, and tried to dismiss the conflict in his heart. Wesley was happy again - overjoyed, it seemed - and that meant everything to Will, but it also meant letting him go. “I told you I would do anything to help you. I couldn’t stand seeing you so miserable.”

 

Wes took Will’s bearded face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Thank you, Will,” he whispered, his lips brushing Will’s mouth. 

 

Will swallowed against the sore lump in his throat. “You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart. It’s going to kill me to say goodbye to you, but I know this is what you need.”

 

“Say goodbye? Are you going somewhere?” Wes looked puzzled, but there was an odd twinkle in his eye that usually spelled mischief.

 

“No, I’m staying here, unless the captain’s in the market for a new First Officer.”

 

“Hmmm...do you have an incurable, fatal disease, then?”

 

“Not that Dr. Crusher’s told me.”  _ Just a heart that’s about to break. No big deal. _

 

“Well, then I don’t see a reason to say goodbye.” Wes gave a casual shrug that entirely belied the impact of that moment.

 

It took nearly a full minute for Will to wrap his head around what Wes was telling him. “No reason...wait, aren’t you going with the Traveler?”

 

“Yes. I mean, I’m going to study with him, and I’ll get to learn from other Travelers, too. But it doesn’t mean I have to leave the ship.” He hesitated, his cheeks coloring in shame. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting, Will. I’m going to apologize to my mom and Geordi, too. Hopefully the captain will let me stay.”

 

Will’s insides felt like a barrage of fireworks all going off at once.  _ Let him stay? I’ll turn in my resignation the day the captain kicks him off this ship.  _ “But...becoming a Traveler and staying here...isn’t that impossible?”

 

Wesley laughed, and the bright sound echoed through Will’s heart. “Don’t you know the first lesson of being a Traveler, Will?” He pulled Will’s chin downward and pressed a firm, ardent kiss to his waiting mouth. “There’s no such thing as impossible.” 

  
  



	26. Epilogue: All the Western Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Traveler says goodbye, and Wes gets to show off (just a little).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are not enough thanks in the galaxy to express how I feel about everyone who has joined me on this fanfiction journey. I sincerely hope that the story was worth your time, and that even if you didn't love it (that's ok - really!) it inspired you to try putting your own ideas for characters you love into words. I spent many months reading TNG fanfiction and thinking "I have stories about these characters, too!" but being too intimidated by all of the talent on AO3 to take that leap. I'm so happy I finally did it, because it taught me so much about being a writer. Although I hate Hemingway (go ahead and sharpen those pitchforks, English teachers), he really was right when he said, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Supposedly, he also said, "Write drunk, edit sober," which is (metaphorically) good advice. For more great writing advice, read Stephen King's "On Writing." His tips are clear, easy and immediately applicable, no matter what genre you're working in. Plus, his voice is in turns amusing and relatable; it's really an enjoyable read even if you're not a King fan.
> 
> I've mentioned before that I've become quite attached to my boys, and I'd love any ideas you have for what Wes/Riker stuff to tackle next (I hear ya, Carrie!). PLEASE feel free to let me know in the comments. Also, if anyone is interested in any kind of writing swap/collaboration, or if you just want to chat about fandom stuff, you can find me on tumblr at http://ladystark428.tumblr.com/
> 
> Again, I hope you've enjoyed my story, and maybe it will inspire you to take the writing leap. I promise, it's worth it!

 

Epilogue: All the Western Stars

 

It never would have crossed the captain’s mind to deny Wesley his home on the  _ Enterprise _ , and even if it had, one enraged look from Beverly would have been enough to convince him otherwise. In any case, Picard was just happy the Crushers had reconciled; recent events had disturbed the tranquility of his tea time with the doctor.

 

Now, Beverly sat beside her son in the Ready Room, one hand resting firmly on his back, just in case he got any sudden ideas about disappearing, or phasing, or whatever it was this alien wanted to teach him. Despite the Traveler’s peaceful demeanor, she couldn’t help thinking,  _ If he gets hurt, I’ll kill you,  _ although she knew Will would likely beat her to it.

 

Will sat opposite Wesley at the oblong table, mostly so he wouldn’t be tempted to pull Wes into his arms during the meeting. He was relieved when the Traveler thanked the captain for his hospitality and stood from the table, preparing to be off again. Wes would be seeing him frequently for his lessons, but all the same, Will would feel better when the alien was off the ship.

 

Wesley stood as well, holding out a hand to his new teacher. “I’ll see you soon,” he offered.

 

The Traveler glanced around the table. “Yes, but before I go, I would like to have a word with you.” His hooded eyes landed on Will, and Will fought the urge to look away. “And with Commander Riker, if you please.”

 

The captain cleared his throat and patted Dr. Crusher’s arm. “Of course. Doctor, will you join me for tea?”

 

Beverly looked uncertain, but Wes gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s fine, Mom; go enjoy your tea. Will and I are just going back to our quarters after this.”

 

The doctor gave her son a swift kiss to his head and allowed the captain to usher her out of the room. Wes turned to Will, who had moved to stand between him and the Traveler. “She’s afraid I’m going to disappear in a cloud of smoke,” he chuckled.

 

“I’ll admit the thought has crossed my mind, as well.” Will kept his tone light, but Wesley wasn’t fooled.

 

“I’m not leaving you, Will,” Wes assured him. “Not ever.”

 

Will nodded, and brought Wesley’s hand up to rest against his cheek. “And I’m very grateful for it.” His blue eyes narrowed. “ _ Our  _ quarters?”

 

Wes shrugged. “I could live with my mom again, but I have a feeling we’d both feel a little crowded.”

 

The Traveler subtly cleared his throat, and Will glared at him, earning him a dig in the ribs from Wesley’s elbow. “Be nice,” the younger man murmured.

 

The alien didn’t seem offended. “I am excited to begin your training, Wesley. And Commander, please be assured that I consider you a crucial part of this process.”

 

Will was hardly assured. “I told you, I did this for Wes, not for you. You had better be careful with him.”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes, and the Traveler smiled. “I’m sure he will describe his experiences to you in great detail, Commander. You will see the wonders of space and time through his eyes.”

 

The wonders of space and time paled in comparison to his love for Wesley, but there was something that Will had been wondering about. “When we spoke earlier, you mentioned different timelines and choices. Tell me, are we together in every timeline?”

 

The Traveler cocked his head and eyed Will, perhaps assessing how much truth the human could handle. “No,” he finally responded. Will’s face fell, and the alien gave him a gentle smile. “But he’s the most joyful when he’s with you.”

 

Wesley beamed at Will and squeezed his hand, but the alien wasn’t finished. “In most timelines, as in this one, your connection to each other is obvious. I saw it when you vouched for him with Kosinski, and when you comforted him when his mother was lost. I’ve watched from afar as he grew, nourished by your strength and love. He needs to Travel, Commander, but he will always need to return home to you.”

 

The Traveler began to glow from the inside, and Will slipped his arm around Wes’ waist and held him tightly. Once the alien vanished, Wes led Will out of the Ready Room and into the corridor. They were just in time for shift change, but Will refused to let go of Wesley’s hand even to navigate the crowded halls. Wes finally tired of bumping against people and stopped to face the man he loved.

 

“Let’s wait for the corridor to clear.” Will tugged impatiently at his hand, and Wes grinned at him. “What’s your hurry, Will?

 

Will pulled at him again. “We need to get back to  _ our  _ quarters before I attack you right here and cause a scene.”

 

Wes laughed, and Will’s blood quickened. Heedless of the passing crew members, Wes reached up and pulled Will into an exuberant kiss. Will’s arms tightened around him, one large hand cupping his lover’s sweet face. Before they could either suffocate or implode, Wes pulled away and rested his forehead against Will’s. It was only then that Will noticed the complete stillness in the full corridor, and he looked questioningly at Wesley when he realized time had stopped for everyone but them.

 

“Neat trick, huh? I wanted to hold this moment a little longer,” Wesley confessed, his hazel eyes shining green and gold. “We belong to each other, Will, always.”

 

“Sweetheart, I’ve belonged to you since before we even met.” Will’s voice dropped to a fervent whisper. “The universe made me just for you, Wes.”

 

Wesley’s answering smile was as radiant as any star. “Well, I’d say the universe did a pretty good job. Come on, Will. Let’s explore it together.”

 


End file.
